The Epitome of Algedonic Love

5: CHRONIC EMPTINESS

"Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) patients experience chronic feelings of emptiness, which can hinder their personal identity development and emotional control, leading to increased impulsivity, negative self-perception, and strained relationships."

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❆ CLÍODHNA EISDRACHEN POINT OF VIEW ❆

I'm in a white room that's empty. There is no furniture, no window, and no door, it is simply an empty room.

I looked around once and then didn't glance around again. I just don't care, and I'm not lonely or concerned about being stuck.

I remained still and worry-free as I sat on the floor staring at the white wall. All I want to do is get back to bed. I should get more rest.

I was about to close my eyes when I heard a sound, footsteps drawing nearer.

When I opened my eyes, there was nobody in front of me. I whirled around, but still, no one was there. When I glanced around once again, I noticed a young child standing there-me as a child.

She is donning a winter coat. When she suddenly turned away from me as I was going to approach her, I followed her and as I pursued her, the scene gradually shifted.

The surroundings are lifeless and the vista appears to be familiar-cold, snowy, and windy. Ahh! My birthplace. A location where I sometimes feel imprisoned.

This annoys me and gives me the impression that I have been transported back to Norway. a remote region of Norway cut off from modernity.

I'll never get tired of sitting in my bay window and watching the continually falling snow, the deserted road, and the few houses built a few kilometers distant.

I'll notice Mom crying, lonely, or just staring at nothing in the morning. Dad only visits once a month or perhaps once every two months, whereas Kuya Knight comes home once a week, so we're constantly waiting for them to return.

Our lives got more vibrant when my twin sisters were born, but they soon departed after being forced, like Kuya Knight, to leave Norway and pursue their studies overseas.

The twin went to school somewhere in the United States, while Kuya attended Harvard. Tyr also left us shortly after when he became 5 years old.

Except for me and my mother, who stayed to look after me, everyone else went. We waited interminably and in solitude till my tenth birthday. When Dad finally announced I could finally escape prison-like Norway.

"Hey" I called out for the child but she didn't stop walking away.

I just kept pursuing her till the surroundings changed again. With its greenery and mountains, this location illustrates what freedom looks like in the summer, in contrast to the previous landscape. This is how real life is.

It was like the first time I got here in the Philippines, mid-summer.

With amusement in my eyes, I was glancing around. I accidentally stumbled into the young girl I was pursuing because I was too busy staring at the surroundings to notice that she had stopped walking.

Her eyes were fixed in one spot, and when I turned to look in that direction, all I saw was a young Hera and Kuya Knight joyfully chatting away. The young girl sighed and lifted her head to look up at the sky.