A core memory, when Tatyana was fifteen she had her heartbroken for the first time ever by her now ex, Christian. She remembered it like it was yesterday, she came to the beach house after going to a drive in movie with him, they had watched grease together.
Tatyana was met by Susannah in the kitchen, she was baking cookies and of course Tatyana wanted to help, Susannah's cookies were her favourite "How was the movie darling!" Susannah questioned as the dark haired girl washed her hands before helping her plot some cookie dough onto the flat pan.
"It was really good we watched grease, but he got annoyed when i kept singing along" she giggled "oh, I remember watching that movie as a little girl, I couldn't help but sing along the music is too good" Susannah chuckled placing more chocolate chips in the cookie dough.
"You were alive when that movie came out!?" Tatyana had a shocking look "ok I'm not that old, I was born the year it came out and grew up watching it." She explained.
"Oh ok that makes more sense," she added, then there was a ding on her phone from Christian, unlocking her phone she opened up a text message that made her heart drop through her chest, he was breaking up with her.
He told her he didn't love her anymore and that they couldn't be together, he told her that he wanted to break up with her a while ago but couldn't bring herself to do it in person, so he chose to send her a small paragraph that shattered her heart in a matter of seconds.
"You wanna taste one of the cookies?" Susannah asked rubbing the girls back, not realizing that she was a second away from shedding tears.
Not getting a response from the girl she noticed the tear rolling down her cheek "Oh honey.. what's wrong?" Susannah asked pulling the girl into a hug, allowing her to break down in her arms.
"Christian just broke up with me" she let out a deep breath "oh no, Taty, you're too good for him," Susannah whispered embracing her "I don't want to hear that right now.." she sniffled, her tears falling onto her cashmere sweater.
"I know, here have a cookie and we can go watch some sad movies till you feel better darling," Susannah pulled away grabbing a plastic bowl placing some cookies in there "come on." Susannah grabbed the girls hand and led her into the living room.
For the rest of the night Susannah let the girl lay on her lap and cry until she felt better, just like when she was a little girl and she was five and she'd fall off her scooter, Susannah was the one she ran too.
It sucked that she didn't have that anymore, no more break up cookies baked specially by Susannah, no more crying in her lap and being comforted by her motherly hugs and spirit, No more of her joyful smile or slick jokes that could make you feel better so quickly.
It was sad, almost everything reminded her of Susannah these days, she found herself in Isabel's bed crying about the breakup, crying about not having Susannah to talk too, she was gone and she felt so alone.
Shit was real, this was real, death was real.. she knew that, after her father died she knew the feeling way all well. She'd been in disbelief for a while, she remembered laying beside Susannah with Conrad and Jeremiah as she passed, the crying and pleading, refusing to believe it was real not wanting to be pulled away from her.
She died in the night, Tatyana remembered driving the boys home while Mr. Fisher had to deal with paperwork at the hospital, the car ride was silent and it was even more silent in the house, people were in and out all day bringing comfort food and offering condolences to the family.
She was so attached to Susannah, she made her feel like she was her actual daughter, like Susannah had raised her from birth up until she passed, no more of that feeling, but still it never felt real.
