Falling from Grace

ELEVEN

Grace

Xavier calling me to ask me out last night was up there with one of the most bazar moments of my life. My inner voices screamed at me for turning him down, by my inner voices I mean my sexual voices. I had thought about him sexually many times, mostly when its late at night and I was feeling lonely. I had imagined him touching me, his head between my thighs as his tongue darts in and out of me while I moaned his name. Of course, when I thought about this it was my hands doing the work.

I wanted to go to dinner with the man, I was stupid for turning him down and I knew that. But it was completely unprofessional, and Miller would kill me. I would kill myself.

I think my problem was my morals. I had such strong ones drilled into me as a child I refuse to stray. I wish I had the power to do what I wanted rather than let what was right take over.

Sometimes I think I am too serious.

When I think that it makes me wonder why a man like X would ever want to even acknowledge my existence let alone ask me to dinner. I was terrified of disappointing anyone and letting down my step father was the biggest burden in my life. He was a scary man and the if he ever found out I was dating or even giving the time of day to a man like Xavier, he would never speak to me again. I think my constant need to please my father is due to years of being told that I was a disappointment to him and my mother. My step father was one of the biggest lawyers in the USA he worked on many high-profile cases. For a man like X to be giving his daughter attention might just give him a heart attack.

Of course, he had no idea that I was currently working undercover as a barmaid for the FBI. I had been on desk duty since joining the academe 2 years back. I had been working just under the special agents completing paperwork and sometimes being invited on cases. It was rare for me to be involved but when they needed a second agent to step in on the Cavalini case I was chosen.

Of course, the fact I was a relatively attractive women helped my case in getting picked. Hendy had no idea who I truly was, my identity was changed to Grace Hadley, and he gave me the job after feeling sorry for the pretty girl who had no money. Rio was the original agent, but he was removed after failing to gain anything of substance.

So, they recruited me, formally known as Agent Allie Harris.

Of course, when I got posted here, I never expected a criminal to be so good looking. I didn't fall for people easily but there was something about him. I was fighting every feeling in my body to not go for it.

I would most likely be taken off the case and probably be fired all together. A little part of me attempted to justify going to dinner by allowing me to get closer to him. Xavier was way more likely to spill the beans on his activities if he trusted me. No one trusted a random bar maid. Truth, is I had given up everything to become Grace Hadley, I had to leave my friends behind with little to no explanation. If anyone knew where I was going or my new identify it could ruin the entire mission. I had fought for this job my entire life and to be here now there was no way I was going to put my ass on the line, even if Xavier is a complete dreamboat.

I sat on my couch just watching documentary after documentary, I was doing all I could to stop my brain from completing rotting. Whenever Jamie was around all she wanted to watch was The Kardashian's, I would love to say I hated it but secretly I did enjoy the drama. As I continued to watch my phone buzzed as a I looked down, I saw it was a call from Miller he was my boss back at the FBI.

I shot up to pause my TV before placing the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I say hoping that whatever this call was, it didn't mean I was in trouble. Miller wasn't my biggest fan; he didn't trust me at all. I was the newest member of the team, so I had to prove myself.

"Agent Harris, I haven't heard from you in a while"

Of course, he hadn't, I had not gotten far with this investigation. I had nothing as of yet and I needed more time.

"Erm well things have been slow"

"How slow?" Miller was a stern man and he kind of scared me, letting him down would solidify my job being gone.

"Well, he speaks to me, and I think he is starting to trust me he even asked me out to dinner but don't worry I said no" I scoff knowing he would be proud of me turning him down. It was showing my profession.

"Allie, if he asked you out you should go. He trusts you and going out with him could speed this process up"

My mouth was wide open, I was shocked that he was allowing me to actually go on a date with Xavier Cavalini.

"Allie?'

"Yes, I'm still here"

A little shocked but I am still here, this man was the most official man I had ever met in my life, yet he is giving me his full blessing to date a criminal.

"Allie, I am telling you to arrange that dinner. You have been given this opportunity to be allowed into their world and you must act accordingly" He states "But Agent Harris, this must stay professional on your side. There must be no funny business and I mean that not even a kiss is appropriate"

God if this man could look into my brain, he would be disappointed. There are many things that I wanted that from Xavier and kissing was the most PG thing on that list.

"Of course, that would be wrong" I mumble

"I hope to hear from you soon Miss Harris"

"Thank you for checking in sir" I say before hanging the phone up.

There was this feeling in my stomach like butterflies, but these felt way more intense just the way I felt when I completed my first arrest. I was terrified to call Xavier back telling him I had changed my mind for Three reasons:

One- I had just rejected the man, what if me calling him back made him feel like a second option. If it was me, I wouldn't want to go out with someone that had already rejected me once as the chance of following rejection was high.

Two- I was absolutely awful with men. Even if Xavier did agree to still go to dinner I had to actually go. Me sitting on a date was never going to be a pretty sight, I cannot speak to men it was just the way I was. Yes, I had spoken to him but that was not in a date setting.

Three- What if it goes so well? What if I fall for him? I couldn't stop myself and I definitely couldn't date him. I would be giving up my entire life and everything I had ever worked for. Of course, the fact he was a major criminal was playing in my head as well.

I had to just rip the band aid off. I grabbed my phone and dialled the number Xavier called me on yesterday.

You can do this Allie.