Dear Cvamped,
Very interesting story you got there! Hm... would you mind specifying for what kind of reader it is meant to be read for? Like, who is the audience? It seems the audience is that of the adult age group, or late teens. Therefore, mature audiences, with the ability to stay with this kind of novel.
However, you did capture my attention (The attention of a pre-teen) by having a very neat, straightforward, yet detailed writing. The characters seem cold on the exterior, but by the quality of your writing, I could see that you will open up their personalities and relations further in the story.
I see that Jack can be easily manipulated, and loves his country. Although he is manipulated quite a bit, he still has his own voice in this, which makes it very interesting.
A confusing part is the detail with the guns and weapons he uses. I don't know half of what these weapons are. Perhaps you can show a picture of it on the side...? Like, add a picture?
You can clearly tell that Jack is a smart cookie, and quick-acting, assessing his surroundings, the problem, the state he's in, and the choices he is faced with.
Very interesting, keep the story going!
Sincerely, Noname O.o
Date: 6 May 2011
YOU ARE READING
BOOK SUGGESTIONS/ CRITICIZE FOR FREE! :)
RandomHave you ever wanted somebody to critique your stories and/or give some tips? Well I'm here for the job! In the comments area, suggest your story here and I will tell you my opinion, if you should continue, and some tips to entice your readers to r...
