Hey Calebstumik,
You are quite the popular one! I know you didn't ask me to do this, but I did it anyways.
So. This is an interesting story, but I would describe what he looks like a bit more, and lengthen your story. I know this is a short story, but it helps to enlighten readers on characters backrounds. It happened a bit fast.
It was choppy. One minute he's here, the next, he's somewhere else. Please use transitional words a bit more.
Good story, make it less choppy.
Noname O.o
YOU ARE READING
BOOK SUGGESTIONS/ CRITICIZE FOR FREE! :)
RandomHave you ever wanted somebody to critique your stories and/or give some tips? Well I'm here for the job! In the comments area, suggest your story here and I will tell you my opinion, if you should continue, and some tips to entice your readers to r...
