The Little Mistakes (boyxboy)

Chapter 15

The ride was silent for the rest of the way, save the radio. I listened to it, contemplating how strange American music was. I’d heard about their Top 40. It seemed like it was full of shallow people singing crappy shallow lyrics. Definitely not my style. I frowned to myself. Nobody understood my music taste, not even Eryn.

We pulled up in front of Rikert’s house. He parked in the three-car garage, pressing the button for the door to go down again. I looked over and noticed that his white car was the only one in there now. And the street and driveway were empty. I felt intimidated by the fact that we were obviously the only ones at his home right now.

“Get out of the car,” Rikert said easily.

I quickly opened my door and stepped out, shutting it after me. Rikert was already walking towards the door to the house. I scampered after him. He didn’t wait for me as he went inside. Luckily, I was only two steps behind, wanting and needing to be close to him for some ungodly reason that I couldn’t detect inside my mind.

Rikert stopped abruptly and spun around. If it wasn’t for his lips catching me, I would have smacked into his chest. Instead, he was kissing me as his hands wrapped around my back to hold me tightly against his body. His fingers pinched a little as he knotted his hands into the fabric of my t-shirt.

I kissed him back for the next couple of minutes. He kissed me deeply one last time before he stopped. Then he grabbed my hand up securely in his and started to tug me after him. I did my best not to trip over my feet as we were walking at a pretty fast pace and I was still disoriented from his sudden attack on my lips.

He pulled me after him up the stairs, him silent and me breathing quietly but audibly. Once we reached a closed door, he pushed it open and then closed it again behind us. He released my hand just long enough to push my chest. I lost my balance and fell backwards onto his very soft bed. It was comfortable underneath me, and I tried to relax into it.

Rikert stalked up to me and within a second he was on top of me. My breath stopped and tensed. I was frozen with a little bit of shock mixed with fear. Fear of the unknown as I’d never done anything this forward with someone before. Kieran was slow and cautious, waiting for me to initiate things. Rikert was agile and knew what he wanted.

He seemed to sense my reluctance as he stilled his movements. My legs were parted slightly and he had one knee in between them, the other on the outside. Rikert smiled softly at me, the action making his eyes shine in a friendly way. He brought a hand up and touched it to my face. I let out a shaky breath, letting myself find comfort in his touch.

“How is this?” he asked.

I swallowed, looking at his straight nose instead of meeting his eyes. “It’s good.”

“Are you okay? You want to do this?”

That was the exact moment I realized what Rikert intended to do. He wanted sex--real sex--and he wanted it now. The thought got my blood rushing to my lower half immediately. Who knew that I would want this as much as he seemed to. I knew without even having to ask that he’d be the dominant one. It was blatant. Rikert had the lead when it came to me. I actually really liked that. I just wanted to give in and let him take control. I never gave that up, so maybe this was good for me.

I nodded, feeling a bit too timid to say anything. Rikert slid his hand down to grip my chin firmly. “Can you say it?” he asked.

I blinked, unsure. My heart was pounding. “Y-yeah,” I stuttered. “I-I’m great. I want to do this with you.”

That last sentence I said very quietly, not able to look anywhere near his face. I was apprehensive and reserved. Should I really be doing this right now? I didn’t even know if I was ready to lose my virginity. But Rikert was right there, ready to take me. He was being nice. He showed me interest and he was so intriguing. He made me feel like a completely different person and I sort of liked that. I decided that I would let him have me if he wanted because why should I wait? Nothing was stopping me.

Rikert’s lips twitched, the movement almost unnoticeable. “Good.”

He bent down and kissed my jaw. He worked his closed lips soothingly over my flesh. I was struggling to stay still and in control of myself. Rikert slid down a tad more so he his face was above my neck. Then his teeth nipped at my throat. I yelped as they pinched at the skin somewhat painfully.

He was unpredictable at times. He would let me run my hands through his hair for a few minutes and then he’d gently pin my arms above my head. He would stop controlling a kiss just long enough to make me start to take initiative. Then he would force his way back to dominating it. I’d whimper and whine and he’d growl, notably loving those noises that I created.

Rikert would rub himself against me, getting me into a rhythm. And as if just like that, he would stop short with no warning. It frustrated me and the only way to fix my aching need would be to embarrass myself by nervously moving against his muscled body, testing to see if that was alright.

He held me sweetly, caressing me as we kissed. He made me want him. He made me feel safe. Rikert whispered to me, telling me that I was gorgeous and sexy. He’d tell me that he wanted me and tell me what he wanted to do to me. It made me shiver in anticipation. It got me hard and made me feel shy at the same time.

Rikert was careful which was a surprise. He didn’t start to strip us of our clothes until he asked me if I wanted to do so. He told me to tell him when to do what. It felt weird, hearing the words come out of my own mouth. It was strange having to ask him to take my underwear off or asking him to touch me. I didn’t want to have to say those things. But I quickly learned that that was what Rikert wanted. If I didn’t do that, I probably wouldn’t have gotten the pleasure out of it that I did.

The sex was sweet and slow. Rikert did everything he could to make it easy on me. It didn’t take long after the initial pain before it felt overwhelmingly pleasant. I was surprised by that. I knew that it wasn’t supposed to be that enjoyable my first time but I guess Rikert was just really good. I wasn’t even in that much pain as he moved in and out of me.

Once we were done, Rikert held me close. We were sweaty and my naked body was curled up, pressing against his. I could sense the dazed smile on my lips. My eyes were closed peacefully as I let my head rest on his shoulder, burying my face into his strong chest. My heart clenched, wanting this feeling to last forever--this happiness, this sense of belonging and safety. It felt as though only Rikert could give me this.

I drifted off to sleep, Rikert’s smooth hands brushing over my back and rubbing gentle circles on my arms. When I woke up, it was only about a half hour later. He was pressing a kiss to my forehead. Then he let go of me and started to roll away.

I leaned up quickly, every part of my brain screaming and wanting to know where he was going. It wanted to know why he was leaving. I watched him, an involuntary dejected noise coming from the back of my throat. I blushed and mentally berated myself for the way I was acting. I needed to stop acting so clingy. I wasn’t usually like this. I was independent, fine on my own. But as Rikert turned back to look at me, I felt myself calm just the tiniest of bits.

“You okay, baby?” he asked, his lips pulled down unhappily.

My breath hitched at that pet name rolling off of his tongue. I considered it. I liked it. I nibbled my cheek, discreetly covering myself with the blanket because I felt suddenly awkward.

“Yeah. I just didn’t know...” I trailed off, not really wanting to finish that sentence.

Rikert chuckled and crawled back to me. He grabbed my chin tightly, the way we both seemed to like. He pressed chaste kisses against my still lips three times. My eyes had fluttered closed, breathing stopped.

“I’m going to get cleaned up,” he said against my lips. I still had my eyes closed. His voice was music to my ears. “When I get back, you’ll have your clothes back on, right?” I nodded to him. “Alright.”

Rikert kissed me once more before backing off. He let go of my jaw and I opened my eyes. He was already walking towards his bathroom. I watched his naked form leave me behind. I blinked, not sure what had just happened. I felt the tingling in my jaw and heard the door latch shut.

I frowned, feeling empty now that Rikert was so far away from me. I got out of his bed carefully. I wasn’t in a lot of pain, but I was definitely sore. I silently crossed the room and started to put my clothing on one by one. I went to stand in front of the mirror and took in my reflection.

My eyes looked tired, yet alive at the same time. That seemed impossible, but I let it go. My face was flushed and my hair was a rat’s nest. I was sticky with sweat as well as sticky underneath my clothes. I felt dirty, but Rikert made it clear he wanted me to get dressed right away. I shook my head. I let that go, too, and ran my hands through my sweaty hair, trying to tame it to the best of my ability.

I was sitting patiently at the end of Rikert’s bed when he came back into the room ten minutes later. He had a towel around his waist and his hair was wet. It was obvious he’d showered. I felt jealous that he got to be so clean while I was still a mess.

“You could have let me shower,” I pointed out a little snarkily.

Rikert gave me a look. “It’s my house, Caise. I decide whether or not you can shower.”

I bit my tongue, knowing that it wouldn’t do good to argue with him. He was actually right. I wasn’t entitled to anything in this house. It was Rikert’s call. I fiddled with my hands in my lap.

“Here,” Rikert called.

I glanced up. He was pointing at the space right in front of him, eyebrows raised slightly. I narrowed my eyes but stood anyway. I walked over and stopped about a half a foot away. He grabbed the back of my neck with one hand and pulled me forward.

Rikert kissed me thoroughly, shoving his tongue past my lips right away. It was rough enough to the point where I felt like I was going to choke. But I didn’t do anything. I slunk against his front and tried to kiss him back given the way he was carrying the kiss.

He stopped shortly after and let go of me. He told me to stay there and turned away. I licked my lips, trying to get my bearings back, but didn’t stray from my designated spot. Rikert dropped his towel purposely in front of me. My eyes were locked onto his arse. It was perfect and I felt myself start to stir in my jeans again once he turned to face me. He was completely naked and his body was so fit, I wanted to scream and beg him to let me touch it again.

His eyes were on mine even though I was staring at his toned torso and his beautiful cock. He slowly pulled his briefs up over himself, teasing me. Then he chuckled quietly at me and put on his jeans and a shirt. Once he was ready, he walked back to me. I couldn’t meet his eyes.

Rikert’s hand shot out and securely grabbed at the bulge in the front of my jeans. My face heated up instantly. He pressed a soft kiss to my cheek and moved his hand around, playing with the pressure.

“You better fix that,” he said sternly before letting go of me. He walked around and pulled open his bedroom door. “Now, let’s go. I’ve got to take you home.”

I wanted to scream at him for doing that to me. I was aching inside my boxer briefs. But I didn’t do anything or say anything and I didn’t know why. I just walked out into the hall where Rikert was pointing for me to go. And when he snatched up my hand, I followed after him down the stairs and out to his car. All the while I was trying to pretend that I didn’t have a hard-on in my pants, waiting patiently for the pain of it to go away.

Rikert made pointless small talk to me as he drove me home. Thankfully I was mostly relaxed again by the time he dropped me off. It wasn’t even noticeable through my jeans anymore which made me half smile to myself. I felt like crap when Rikert didn’t kiss me goodbye. He just stopped his car and told me he’d see me later.

I stepped out of his car, feeling rejected and hurt. I watched him drive off and I hated that I almost wanted to cry. I didn’t want to be at my California home where nobody liked me. I wanted to be back in New Zealand. But even more than that, I wanted to be back in Rikert’s arms. At least while I was there, I didn’t feel so completely alone. He actually made it seem as if he liked me for a while.

I trudge into the house, hoping I didn’t run into anyone. It was all clear until I was almost to my room. I was frowning and dragging my feet. My muscles felt stiff and I my body was sore and tired. I just wanted to sleep forever. But then there was Patrick.

“Where have you been?” he hissed at me. I didn’t even have enough strength to properly fight with him. I simply stopped to face him and shrugged. “Do you even know what time it is?”

I shook my head. I actually didn’t. Being with Rikert, I hadn’t even been bothered to care about the time. I’d just been thinking about him. Just enjoying what we were doing.

“You’re unbelievable,” Patrick grumbled. “It’s already seven-thirty. My parents went out for dinner. Don’t worry, though, dumbass. I covered for you.”

I winced at his harsh tone. “Thanks,” I muttered sullenly.

Patrick narrowed his eyes at me. I knew he was confused. I’d never let him get away with saying those things to me before. But tonight was different. I felt sad. I felt alone. I didn’t want to fight with him. It was pointless. So before he could question me, I entered my room and locked the door.

I went straight to the bathroom and took a long shower. Once I felt clean again, I put a fresh pair of briefs on. Feeling exhausted, I crawled into the middle of my bed and passed out within seconds.

*******

Kieran was mad. The tone in his voice as we spoke over the phone the next day said it all. I knew he didn’t understand, but what could I say? I hadn’t understood why I had chosen to go with Rikert yesterday, either. I’d just done it. And in retrospect, I was quite happy that I had.

“Caise, please just tell me that he took you home and that was the end of it.” I didn’t say anything. He sighed unhappily. “What did you do?”

“It’s none of your business,” I tried.

“Damn right it’s my business. You’re my friend. I don’t think you should be involved with him.”

I scoffed. “It’s my choice, not yours. God, you’re such a hypocrite. You’ve given him blowjobs and had sex with him tons of times. Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”

“Wait, so are you saying you had sex with him?” Kieran asked evenly.

“Shit,” I muttered under my breath.

“Oh,” Kieran breathed. “Caise, why? You knew you weren’t ready. You told me that just last weekend.”

I bit my cheek. This conversation was embarrassing to have. “I don’t know.”

“Did he pressure you?” Kieran asked quickly. “Did he force you to? Shit, I will kill him. He can’t just do that to you. He thinks he can do whatever he wants, well guess what? He can’t keep hanging around you like--”

“No,” I said quickly. Probably too quick. Kieran shut up faster than he normally did. “I mean, I don’t want you to do anything. He was nice, perfect even.” I smiled to myself. “Rikert said he likes me.”

“Caise, what the hell?” he asked calmly. “You sound so delusional.”

I knew he was talking about how fond my voice had grown. I pursed my lips, trying not to give Kieran another reason to be angry with me.

“You don’t have to mother me,” I argued.

“Even so, he’s probably just using you.”

I furrowed my brows in annoyance. “Whatever."

“What?” he asked.

“Look, I don’t really want to talk to you about this because you’re being rude.”

“I am not.”

“You said he’s only using me.”

“Because he probably is!” Kieran yelled.

“That’s not your business. Besides,” I seethed, “Like it’s any different from what you want from me.”

Kieran sighed. “Caise, that’s not tr--”

“Goodbye,” I yelled, cutting him off.

I ended the call and threw my phone. It bounced off of my bed and landed on the plush carpet with a thump. I wrapped my arms around myself. Everything was so damn frustrating. I wanted people to like me for once. I was trying to let other people in. That’s what everybody--parents, teachers, my brother--always told me to do. So now why wasn’t I allowed to?

It didn’t make sense. Kieran had been the perfect replacement for Eryn in the friend department. Phoebe was like another Sacha to me, but then she’d randomly get angry with me for things I didn’t understand. Patrick wasn’t ever nice to me. Now Kieran was giving me stick about having another mate. It was like none of them actually wanted me to fit in and be happy.

But Rikert was nice. Maybe not so much at first, but now he was. He’d held me and made me feel good. He told me I looked nice and that I felt nice. I just needed him to stop playing hot and cold with me. That was the only thing I really wanted. I had conflicting feelings about him because something in my brain said I needed him but then it hurt when he ignored me. Yet, while he brushed me off, I only wanted him to comfort me again. It was like an endless cycle of Rikert. Thinking about it simply made my head hurt.

I rubbed my face in frustration and rolled onto my side. I pulled the blanket over me, wanting to take a nap even though pretty much all I had done since Rikert dropped me off last night was sleep. My stomach growled just then, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten in nearly twenty-four hours.

I sighed to myself. I got to my feet and pulled on some sleeping pants so I could go upstairs. The basement lounge was empty and I was relieved by that. Hopefully Patrick was out doing something today. I made my way up the stairs and went into the empty kitchen. I could hear the living room television playing.

“Caise, is that you?” my uncle Kristian called from the room.

I cleared my dry throat. “Yeah, I’m just getting some food.”

I reached for the fridge and took out a bottle of water. I took a drink and set it down on the counter.

“There’s some pasta in there that Patrick made last night,” Marck said. “You can warm it up if you want.”

My eyes scanned the shelves until I found it. The thought of food made my mouth water. “Ta,” I called back, grabbing at the dish. I put some on a plate and heated it up in the microwave. I went back down to my room and ate.

It actually tasted amazing. I smiled to myself. Patrick sure seemed to make a good little housewife. Maybe I could somehow get him to cook for me more often. I laughed at my own ridiculous thoughts and went back to eating.