The Little Mistakes (boyxboy)

Chapter 11

“He just makes me so mad,” I yelled at the computer screen.

I’d gotten home from school after a long and painfully silent car ride and nearly run down to my room. I threw my bag onto the floor and emailed Eryn to Skype me. Then I’d taken a long shower and a short nap before my laptop started to make noises, telling me that it was getting a video call.

I hadn’t given Eryn a chance to say anything. He didn’t even know who I was talking about and I hadn’t said a proper hello. Just started talking about how annoyed I was.

“Caise,” Eryn said slowly. “Who?”

“Kieran! He’s an idiot.”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“This guy who kissed me the other day,” I said quickly. I ignored Eryn’s surprised expression. “And I’m so confused, and I thought he was going to help me figure this out, and then I told him I didn’t want to be gay. So he just ditched me. It’s not fair!”

“Wait a minute,” Eryn said cautiously. “You made out with a guy?”

I huffed exasperatedly. “Yes! But it doesn’t matter. I can’t stand him. It’s his fault. Everything is.”

“How?”

I frowned. “He came onto me! And he’s got a reputation here so now the whole school thinks we’re hooking up!”

He hesitated. “But you were, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, but none of them knew that!” I protested. “They just assumed it anyway because they know how he is. And now my cousins know. They won’t talk to me. They’ll probably tell my aunt and uncles. Shit, they’ll probably tell my parents.”

“Calm down. It’s really not a big deal.”

“Eryn,” I grumbled. “Shut up. You don’t even understand.”

“Fuck off,” he said. “I do too. I’m gay, remember? And I don’t have it as easy as you. I have straight parents. They don’t understand what I’m going through.”

I sighed, trying to relax. “Fine. Sorry. It’s just hard being out here with everything. I wish I had you to help me.”

He brightened a little. “You mean like in the way that guy was going to? Like you’d let me kiss you and stuff.”

“No,” I snapped. That actually was what I had meant. But I didn’t like Eryn like that. So I didn’t want to get his hopes up. “I just mean to talk me through it all. I hate this.”

I flopped back on my bed, feeling awful. Eryn didn’t say anything to me. After a few more moments, I sat back up. Eryn was looking in a different direction than before I’d looked away. So when I saw him now, I gasped loudly.

“Holy crap!” I yelled. He jumped and leaned away from his laptop. “Eryn, what happened to your face?”

He turned away, blocking it from view. But I had clearly seen enough to worry me. “Nothing,” he tried.

“Don’t lie,” I told him. “Tell me what happened. The left side of your face is all fucked up.”

Eryn glared at me. “It is not! It’s only bruised. I probably won’t even get much of a black eye.”

I pointed a finger at him. “I told you! You did get in a fight. Get on with it.”

“You can hardly call it a fight,” he muttered. “I walked out of lunch today and these three guys were talking to Bradley. Being really mean and all that.”

I frowned, getting back into a mood. “What were they saying?”

He waved a hand. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It was about my parents wasn’t it?”

Eryn shrugged. “Maybe. They were just taking the piss out of him. So I went up to them and tried to tell them off. You know how I’m not exactly the nicest with words. So we got into a fight and they basically kicked my ass. End of story.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said with a sigh. “My parents are pissed that I got into another fight. Especially with only a month ‘til the end of the term. I’m grounded for two weeks.”

“Did you get suspended?”

“Just detention all next week. I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I’m not leaving my room.”

I frowned. It was still Thursday for me. Tomorrow was going to be a mess. “The other guys?”

“Luckily, the headmaster realized they started it. So they can’t go back to school on Monday or Tuesday.” He paused, thinking for a moment. “Hey, are you going to talk to your brother soon?”

“I don’t know. I’ve not really talked to him since I left. Haven’t said a word to my parent’s either. I suppose I should Skype him after today, though, huh?”

“Yeah,” Eryn said. “He looked really upset when those guys were giving him stick. But ever since I stepped in, he’s been furious with me. He won’t talk to me.”

I sighed. “I’ll try and talk to him for you.”

Eryn looked relieved. “Thanks. He’s like the only guy at school who talks to me now that you’re gone. I don’t want to actually be alone.”

“It’ll be fine,” I said. “I bet he’s just embarrassed. You know how he gets.”

He nodded. “So...are you really gay? I was just wishfully thinking before. Messing with you. I didn’t think you’d actually turn out to like guys.”

I dropped my face in my hands and groaned. “I guess. But all I’ve ever seen was people giving us crap. Saying rude things about my parents. Why would I ever want to go through that? Or someday have to put my own kids through that. It just doesn’t seem fair.”

“Caise, you know you can’t help being gay. You can’t hold it in, it’s not healthy,” Eryn lectured. “You’ll go insane. And you’re messed up enough.”

“Ta, asshat,” I told him. “I just want to be normal.”

“Gay is normal enough! Tons of people around the world are attracted to the same sex. It’s 2035, not the early 1900’s for crying out loud. If you find someone you love and want to be with, you can get through it all.”

I sighed. “I guess. I just really was happier before when I wasn’t interested in anyone--guy or girl. It was easier to stick to myself.”

“Well guess what, sourpuss?” he smirked. “Get over it. One day you’ll have someone and you’ll forget about wanting to be alone.” I shrugged a little but didn’t say anything. “Is he hot?”

I glared at my best friend. “Shut up.”

“Come on, I want to talk about guys. I’ve been wishing you were gay for years. Now it’s happening and you won’t talk about it.”

“I’m not gay,” I said. It was a habit.

He laughed. “Yeah you are. You just have to quit denying it.”

“It’s a habit!” I said, raising my voice. “Can we stop with this whole denial thing? It’s pissing me off.”

Eryn smiled. “Fine. Can you just tell me a little? Do you like him?”

“I don’t like anybody.” I looked at Eryn’s face. “Jeez. Alright, he’s not that bad. And he’s actually pretty good looking. Oh my God, this is so weird,” I complained.

“Was he a good kisser?” Eryn pressed, curious and excited.

I shook my head. “As opposed to what? I don’t even have any experience.”

He cleared his throat. “Uh, hello? You made out with me! Was I better? I bet I was better.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t be stupid. I’m not answering that.”

Eryn frowned. “That means he’s better. I figured.”

“Get over yourself.”

“I wish you were here,” he said quietly. “I miss you and everything.”

My chest clenched. I knew where he was going with this. “I’m sorry, Eryn. You know, just because I’m gay, it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

He pouted and looked so sad. “Why doesn’t it?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. You’re like my brother. It’s weird and I don’t want to be with you.”

Eryn gritted his teeth. “Alright. You’re not worth it anyway.”

I tilted my head at him. “Don’t be like that.”

“You’re a miserable jerk,” he said. “I’d rather have someone who isn’t always angry at the world. Look, I’ve got to go. Please just talk to Bradley for me.”

I nodded. I knew he was disappointed so I didn’t take his words to heart. He wasn’t actually angry with me. We said our goodbyes and hung up. I had a brief call with my brother and we got into an argument. But I managed to get him to promise he’d call Eryn to thank him and apologize.

Dinner was awkward once again. I swear living here was just going to be one of the worst experiences of my life. Patrick was refusing to talk or even look at me. Marck and Kristian had no idea what to do. I ended up faking sick and ducked out after ten minutes of torture.

I did homework and watched a movie. Phoebe didn’t even text me. When I was finally trying to go to bed, I found the simple task impossible. My mind was reeling and I felt so incredibly sad. I didn’t even know what caused it. I just couldn’t sleep for anything.

Completely fed up, I growled angrily and turned over in bed. I snatched my phone off of the stand and pressed buttons. I needed to talk to Kieran. It was eating away at my brain.

“What?” he asked gruffly after the fourth time I called. The first three times, he ignored me. He didn’t even sound sleepy so that meant he was awake and just being a jerk.

“I’m gay, alright?” I said forcefully. “You happy now? And I like making out with you. I don’t want you to stop talking to me. I like having you as my mate. And I think you’re really hot. I’ll get over not wanting to be gay. I’ll live.”

I could practically hear the smile in his voice. “That’s great, Caise.”

I scoffed. “That’s seriously all you have to say to that?”

“Well I’m proud of you for coming out to me,” he said smugly. “Tomorrow, we may resume our friends with benefits status.”

I actually had to laugh at that. “Wow, thanks.”

“Uh-huh. I’ll see you at school.”

Kieran made a couple kissing noises into the phone before he hung up on me. I shook my head and put my phone away. I laid back down and snuggled into the blankets. I couldn’t believe it, but that short conversation with him just made everything better. After five more minutes, I was able to fall asleep with the traces of a smile on my face.