The Little Mistakes (boyxboy)

Chapter 27

Now that it was Monday again, I was back in school after another long weekend. I had never been much of a fan of school since I wasn’t sociable and the other boys were complete pricks, but I rather enjoyed going now. And that wasn’t because it was America or that I liked any of my classes. It was simply because it got me out of my lonely bedroom for half the day and gave me something else to fill my mind with besides my thoughts.

Lately I’ve felt like my mind was a prison, relatable to that of my own personal hell. I thought too much and doubted myself. I didn't know who I could trust anymore.

As I sat in yet another mind-numbing French lesson--Kieran no longer even sitting next to me--I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I made sure the instructor wasn’t looking and pulled it out. It was a text message from Rikert. He was reminding me that he started training for the football--or soccer--season today after school.

I knew he wanted me to wait for him so we could spend time together afterwards and I had no problems with that. I really did want to wait for him. After all, it wasn’t like I had anything else to do. Or anybody else to hang out with. What hit me the hardest was that Rikert didn’t want me to watch his practice because it would probably raise suspicion among his friends. And I had to respect that.

I answered Rikert’s message and put my phone away. When I looked around, I caught Kieran staring at me. I quirked one corner of my lips at him, trying to be friendly. He only narrowed his eyes and shook his head before he went back to writing something in his notebook.

I sighed and tried to keep the frown from my face. I honestly didn’t understand why he was so upset with me. I wished he would back off about my relationship. He had no idea what was going on with me or what my life was like. I didn’t think he had a single right to sit there and tell me what I was supposed to do. And the more I let him get to me, the more trouble I got into. So that was mostly why I wasn’t trying harder to rekindle our friendship.

At lunch I sat silently at the end of the table. For a little while I used to go back and forth between sitting with my cousins and sitting with Kieran. And sometimes even Phoebe came over and sat with both me and Kieran at the round table. But now it was just awkward no matter what I did. Out of all the options, I thought it was easiest to just silently sit next to my cousins, Rory, and Jamey.

Phoebe was the only one who really spoke to me--even then, it wasn’t that often. Sometimes Rory, Jamey, and Aria would make little comments, but for the most part I just kept to myself. And all Patrick ever did was give me strange looks. They weren’t quite glares of hatred anymore, but they were still not completely friendly and I only wanted to ignore them.

So I just sat there, contemplating whether I was desperate enough to eat the food on my tray or not, and listening to the mindless chatter of the people around me. I willed time to go by much faster than it was and I must have sent a thousand longing looks at Rikert from four tables away in the space of the thirty minute lunch period. I was attached to him and there was nothing I could do about it. I just loved him and wanted him to be happy with me.

At one point, when I sighed quietly in defeat and glanced away from Rikert, I felt eyes on me. I turned my head and saw Patrick simply watching me. We made eye contact and I was instantly intimidated by him. He wasn’t even giving me nasty looks or harsh glares either. He was just observing me. And I didn’t really know how to react to it.

I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking of. He probably knew that I was pathetically pining after my boyfriend and stalking him with my eyes every five seconds. I felt like an idiot when Patrick looked at me like that. I didn’t do anything but self-consciously avert my eyes away from his. I couldn’t stand the way he was acting or how insecure it made me feel.