The Rockstar Chronicles

Realization

From my spot on the floor with my back against my bed, I watched the sky slowly deepen from orange and pink to dark shadows of blues and purples through the glass doors of my balcony. I had never been so tired in my life. Tired in body and tired in spirit.

Mom had ordered supper out and it had been waiting for us when we arrived home. I had eaten mechanically and then escaped to my room, my shower, and then my pajamas. Mom's words about Tom had bothered me and I couldn't shake the chill that came over me every time I thought of what she had said.

Tom didn't deserve to be mowing our lawn. Tom Dawson was a good person. Why did Mom hate him so much? As much as I got angry at Mom, I didn't like to see her flaws so raw and exposed. I had always imagined my parents as being good, despite what Mom put us through, I had always believed it was because she thought it was what was best for us. But what if she wasn't good? What if she was as angry and vengeful and petty as I was now imagining? What did that mean about me? Wasn't she the one who had taught me right from wrong? Was I just as bad as she was?

My mind raced as I worried over the newfound thoughts and feeling my mother had inspired. I felt sick and wished I hadn't eaten so much fried rice. My stomach churned and I was just about to stand up when my bedroom door swung open.

"Nope, she's not..." I heard Grady say and I sat up, peering over the edge of my bed. "Oh, there she is. Lindy, what are you doing down there?" Grady asked as he walked inside, the rest of the members of the band filing in behind him.

I glared at them, slamming my pillow against the ground as I stood to face them. "What are you doing here? I thought there was a band meeting tonight."

"Yeah," Ryder said.

I couldn't believe they could be so rude.

"Well, what do you want from me?" I asked. I was angry they were being so nonchalant about excluding me from their little meeting.

They exchanged uncertain glances, shuffling uncomfortably in place as they faced me.

"Aren't you going to ask us to sit down?" Ryder ventured.

I shrugged. "You can if you want."

I guess I didn't sound too welcoming because they just looked at each as if unsure of what to do.

"Lindy?" Tom asked. "Is this a bad time?"

"Yeah," Hardyn said as he plopped down on my bed, crossing his ankles as he grabbed my notebook and started to page through it. "Are you sick or something?"

I paled and lunged from my notebook, ripping it from his grasp. I definitely didn't want him to see my escape plans all carefully plotted out in there.

"Whoa!" Hardyn said, holding both hands up as if surrendering. "What did I do?"

"What is up with you, Lindy?" Grady said as he sank to the floor.

"I get it," Hardyn grinned. "She probably talks all about one of us in there. You have a crush, Lindy?"

I carefully avoided Ryder's gaze as I turned back to Hardyn. "Believe me, Hardyn Vinyard. If I did, it wouldn't be anything you would want to read."

Hardyn scowled as I clasped my notebook to my chest.

"Maybe we ought to call off the meeting," Bridge drawled as he leaned against my dresser, his hands shoved in his pockets. "It seems like Lindy wants to be alone."

"Meeting?"

"Yeah," Grady said, widening his eyes as he stared at me as if I was an idiot. "That's why we're here, isn't it? For the band meeting? We've been looking for you everywhere. Why didn't you come down to the pool?"

"I didn't know... I mean... I didn't think I was invited."

"I asked you and Grady," Ryder said, gesturing impatiently with one hand.

"I thought you meant...," I started to say, but Bridge straightened up, glancing as he glanced at the clock.

"Never mind, we're wasting time." He nodded at me. "You better get dressed if you're coming. The car will be here any minute."

"The car? Where?" I echoed dumbly.

"To Bridge's house," Grady said. "For the meeting."

"Kids!" Mom called up the stairs. "Your car is here." I could sense the excitement in Mom's voice. I bet her only regret was that she wasn't invited.

"So change already!" Hardyn said, grabbing a pair of jeans from my clean laundry pile on the floor and throwing them at me. I caught them and grabbed a t-shirt, ducking into the bathroom to change as the boys shoved and jostled their way out of my bedroom door.

A warm feeling invaded the pit of my stomach as I quickly changed. I pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail, smiling at my reflection in the mirror. It felt good that they hadn't forgot me.

We're a team, I reminded myself as I shoved my notebook under my mattress, ignoring the guilty feeling in my chest as I hurried down the stairs, yelling for them to wait up.