𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖘, 𝖓𝖔𝖈𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖆𝖑 𝖒𝖊 || ɢʜᴏꜱᴛ ʙᴄ

𝐛𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐬 || 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

rain x gn reader (with asthma ✌️)

based this off my own shitty problems cause i need some comfort in the form of him. 

does this count as a 4th of july special ???

tw for panic attack, slight sh, asthma being the bitch it is (fuck asthma, honestly)

1103 words

I rocked back and forth in the corner of my bed. Even though music was blaring through my speakers and earplugs in, I could still hear them. They sounded like bombs. Every minute since 5pm has been terrible. It got worse 15 minutes ago, seeing that my headphones died and all the big firework shows were starting. A sob left my lips.

Another loud boom rang throughout my room, followed by a bunch of smaller ones. I dragged my fingernails up my arms and curled up further into the soft blanket around my shoulders. It was my overstimulation blanket, and no matter how many tears it absorbs, I will never wash it. It would lose its perfectly soft texture. I lifted a hand from my arms and stroked the fabric, a desperate attempt to calm down. My breathing was still fast and choppy, and a headache was starting to form. I groaned, but it came out as more of a sob.

Make this end. Make it all end. Why must they be so loud? Why can't people celebrate quieter? It's not like the country growing one year older is that important. Just drink a lot to celebrate, why use fireworks? There's no need.

My head begins to spin as more tears blur my vision. The walls of my room light up every time another one goes off, even if black out curtains cover the window. Another wretched sob leaves my lips. Stupid headphones could have lasted just a little bit longer if I charged them properly. I rake my nails up my arms again, trying to distract myself from the constant explosions. My skin crawls as a whistling sound of another firework sounds outside my window. It's all too loud.

My sobs become more frequent and more hysterical. I lay down on my bed in fetal position, squeezing the life out of my favorite stuffed animal. The fireworks are more frequent, and louder. I try to pay attention to the music, listen to the lyrics a little. Distract myself with the guitars and drums. A particularly loud firework explodes nearby, not helping my situation. I flinch at the sound and curl up even more. Fuck foam ear plugs, they don't do shit.

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" I repeat like a mantra, my words jumbling together to make one long, incoherent sentence. Every boom and bangs and fizzle and sparkle sends me closer to the edge. I roll the edge of the blanket in my fingers. Even WW2 would tremble when hearing these horrific sounds.

I rake my fingernails down my arms again, trying to feel something, trying to get out of my head. All the red flags are flying. Sirens are blaring, bombs are going off, it's worse than my worst nightmare. I bury my fists in my hair, yanking at it. A few strands come out, but I can't feel anything. The anxiety completely washes over me. All the little sirens are going off and telling me, You're gonna die! The fire is coming closer!

An agonizing cry leaves my lips, followed by quieter sobs, and eventually silence. The fireworks are still going off, and there's more than before. I sniffle, my silent cries growing even more pathetic. The tears stop flowing, my tear ducts must have been milked till the last drop. I wrap my blanket around me tighter and sob silently. A couple throaty cries try to come out, but are squashed back down by something that I can't describe. I feel empty. All the sounds disappear, except for my rapid breathing. This almost feels worse than when the fireworks were going off. I scratch my arms up again, snapping myself out of the daze.

The fireworks give no signal that they're stopping, and sirens are blaring everywhere. Most of the fireworks are probably illegal. I try to cry, to shed tears, but nothing comes out. I feel like a shell. A shell of something. Something not normal. While everyone is out there enjoying those fireworks, I'm holed up here because loud noises are scary. Pathetic. Even small children are having more fun than me. All my friends are probably sitting outside and staring in awe as the sky lights up with colors. Tears finally begin to fall again.

They fall fast, soaking the bed sheets. I wipe my eyes with my blanket and curl up into the smallest ball I possibly can. I squeeze my plushy tighter, if that's even possible at this point. My body shakes and my breathing is even more uncontrolled. I can feel my lungs close up by the second, only worsening my anxiety.

"y/n?" Someone calls my name but I can't tell who. I can't hear anything besides the bombs going off all around me. Someone grabs my shoulder, they say something again but I can't tell what.

I'm snapped out of my head when someone pulls me into a hug. I don't know who. But they whisper things into my hair and suddenly I can't hear anything but them.

"Rain," I choke out. He nods and runs a hand through my hair. I cough and reach for my nightstand, but I'm too far away to open the drawer. My throat feels like it's inflating like a balloon, closing off my airways.

"What do you need? Are you okay?" Rain's voice is rushed and panic ridden. I point aggressively to the top drawer of my nightstand.

"Inhaler," I croak out, wheezing as I take a breath in. Rain nods feverishly and runs to the nightstand. He yanks it open and looks around frantically.

"Red...its red," I wheeze. Rain nods and pulls it out, shaking it before handing it to me. He turns away and lets me do my thing. I take one last puff and fall back onto my bed, tears rolling down my cheeks. Rain turns around and sits back down by my side immediately. He brushes the hair out of my forehead.

"Are you okay?" I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut as another round of fireworks begin. Rain purses his lips and lays down next to me, resting a hand on my cheek, wiping away my tears.

"It's gonna be okay," he reassures. I look at him doubtfully. He suddenly springs up and grabs something from the floor, slipping them over my head. Noise canceling headphones. Everything seems so much quieter now. Even the loudest fireworks booms are somewhat manageable. I give a weak thumbs up and curl back up into a ball. Rain gently rubs my back, whispering stuff I can't hear. Fuck everything except him.