| c h a p t e r 38 |

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I apologize in advance for any mistakes ;) I'm writing from my phone

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"And she just came here without anyone noticing?" Christina asks me, dumbfounded.

I'm sitting down at lunch with Christina, Will, Uriah, Shauna, Marlene, Lynn, and Tobias. It's the day after my mom arrived unannounced. Christina and I are having our own little side conversation while the others discuss different matters.

"Yeah. So now I guess my brother isn't coming here after all. Which could be a good thing, but I feel bad for him because he's going to stay there."

"And you don't feel the least bit mad that he tells you now of all times?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

"No, I was happy to do it for him and it's a real disappointment that he's stuck there. Hopefully things get better for him."

"Wow . . ." she says, smiling and shaking her head.

"What?" I ask, smiling as well.

"Oh, nothing. You just seem a little more stiff than usual."

I roll my eyes.

"So how are you and Will?" I ask her, remembering that he was being cold and ignoring her recently.

Her face sobers and the smile is replaced by a grimace. In a low voice, she says, "I guess . . . I mean a little better, but not much difference. I'm beginning to think that he's cheating on me."

"He would never do that," I say. I make a mental note to have a little talk with Will alone later.

"So how are you and Four?" she asks, trying to lighten the mood. She glances sideways at him talking to Shauna.

We are talking so softly that I doubt anyone could hear us.

"Good," I say, taking a bite of food.

"Just good? It seems more like perfect. Have you guys . . . ?"

"Chris!" I say, embarrased.

"So still a no?" she asks. "Have you guys gotten close?"

"Yeah. Sort of. I don't know! Can we please just move away from this topic?"

"Okay, okay," she says laughing. There is a moment of silence before she resumes her interrogation. "So have you guys said that you love each other yet?"

"Well . . . Sort of," I say, shy.

"What does that mean?" she asks. Her eyebrows raise and she looks at my with a small smile.

"It means . . . That he told me, bur I haven't said it back yet," she looks at me with a criticizing expression. I try and correct my statement, "But he really hasn't officially told me."

"So like just sort of whispered it before you fall asleep and stuff?" she says, reading my mind.

I nod.

"Well," she says, looking over at him, "I think that he does love you, but he doesn't want to say it too soon because he's afraid you don't feel the same."

"How do you know, though?"

"I know because I see the way he looks at you, and the way he talks to you. I see the way he lights up whenever you're around him. He's different than when he was without you. I've seen you guys kiss when you think no one is around. Trust me, he loves you. The big question is: do you love him too?"

"Yeah I do," I say. "I'm just scared of something that seems so overwhelming."

"Well then tell him. But make sure the time is right, you don't need to force yourself to tell him. Just when it is natural. I mean, I waited until Will told me first. We were above ground, where we had first jumped into Dauntless, and he told me how much I meant to him and then I said it back. So if you really wanted, you could just wait for him to declare his feelings first. Then, you could tell him."

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