One Direction Sad Preferences

Heart

Harry : 
It was hard letting her go especially when she left that she forgot to take so much with her. Her old thrift store books littered the shelves, the picture frames that hung on the walls which were now tucked under my pillow at night with her smiling face and me, the one thing she used to say that she couldn’t live without.
I roll in bed, searching for that nostalgic warm feeling that used to lay next to me, a body that formed a perfect alignment with mine but it was just a pillow. A pillow that still stained of her scent and life. It’s hard getting up in the morning without her, without the smell of breakfeast cooking, fresh shampoo from the shower. “Harry,” my mind plays cruel tricks on me,”Harry, you have to get up or you’ll be late!” Her laugh echos and sends chills down my spine. I convinced myself that I could live without her, but how come it seems like I wake up crying everyday? Small tears roll down my cheeks, the pressure and pain inside feels like it’s crushing me. 
She wasn’t that sick, it started off as a cold. Then a fever. “I’m ok!” She would say through a hoarse voice, “It’s just flu season,Harry.I’m not a kid.” But what kind of flu lasts for weeks, then a month? What kind of flu makes you wake up in the middle of the night to puke your insides out? What kind of flu makes you cough up blood all over the carpet? WHAT KIND OF GODDAMN FLU TOOK YOU AWAY FROM ME? ….It wasn’t a flu, it was your heart failing. It was your body trying to tell me that you had to go soon, my little angel being taken back to Heaven. 
I remember that rainy night, the flashing lights of the emergency room. The black and white of the world being put into perspective. You in that hospital dress, connected to tubes everywhere. Your breathing laboured and clinging onto shreds of your vitality. “Don’t leave me!” I cried wrapping my hands around your delicate ones. You smiled a bit, “It’s ok,Harry. Don’t worry about it.” Even then you were trying to be strong. “Go home and sleep a bit, I’ll be here when you get back.” I shook my head angrily, how could I even leave your side? “I chose to be here, I chose to be here until you get better.” I wish I chose my words more carefully that day, if I had known what your next words would be. “Choose happy.” Then your eyes fluttered a couple times before a loud monotonous flatline rang through the room. Then I was swept aside by people in white coats and sad faces. 
And I here I am, out of bed and staring into the mirror with the chip in it that you just HAD to buy because it looked lonely. Sometimes I wonder if you were watching over me, disappointed in my lack of progress to be happy in the two years since you’ve left. I twist the cap off the pills the doctors given me for my grief, to fix my heart. But even as I pop another one down,it’s not going to replace you or find someone new.

….Maybe, the pills didn’t work because I didn’t want anyone else.Because if you weren’t the ONE, then no one else could be. The doctor said they were good for my heart but why does it seem like it only makes the void bigger?

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