Why Stay When No one Cares?

Chapter 27: Is It Guilt? Or Something More?

*Timeskip: 2 weeks*

*Location: Hotel OJ*

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*Nickel's P.O.V*

God I feel so fucking miserable! Sure, I'm okay at the hotel, but...

I couldn't get Balloon out of my mind. Again! Not in a lovey dovey way! Still in a guilty way.

I still didn't want to believe that Balloon had just, up and left the place. No matter how much I want to deny it.... I know the truth.

I know that he's really gone. He's gone, and it's my fault. My, and everyone who ever competed on this show's fault. We all played a part in him running away, and we can't do anything about it.

I haven't been inside my room in a good while. I fear just stepping in there. I hurt him so much that if I entered the room, I think I might just cry.

OJ was okay with me bunking a room with another contestant for a while. He bunked me with Box for a while, which it was okay with. 

Right now, I'm hanging outside to clear my mind. I was at the docks, since it was a peaceful place to hangout at. 

Being here reminds me of the Bucket Brigade from episode 11. I had made Suitcase in charge of placing the people up in 'jobs'. She had Balloon get the water from this dock.

.... It's also where the Grand Slams got eliminated, thanks to Balloon. Well, it wasn't really his fault. Looking back at it, I think Microphone might have told him something.

He looked super stressed during the challenge. It was like he was giving it his all to prove to us and himself that he was different. But we didn't see that, we just saw that we had lost.

We had lost, and it was Balloon's fault. We pinned the blame on him and voted him out. We all voted for Balloon that day. Everyone except Suitcase.

Suitcase voted for me that night. Balloon voted for himself! It was like, he knew the outcome and accepted his own fate. I could see the sadness in his eyes knowing that he left the show with no personal gain.

When we came to the hotel, we got paired up and shared a room together. We never spoke to each other, unless it was a fight. He wouldn't fight back as often, but when we were done, he looked so.... broken.

God damnit! Why can't I get Balloon out of my thoughts!? I just want to live life peacefully! I don't want to feel all this guilt that's piled on me anymore!!

Why did he have to leave like that!? He should've just stayed here! He should've never left!

If he had stayed.... would things have gotten better for him? I think I know that answer. Things would've gotten worse for him.

If Balloon hadn't ran away, there's no way in hell we would have changed our ways. We would all still be hurting him. Balloon would've plunged deeper into depression.

Who knows what would've happened if he was still here. There's a possiblitly that Balloon could've..... died here. He could've died here, and it would be all our faults.