Avenging Love [Volume-I]

Chapter - 33

If someone were to ask me that whether or not I believe in hell and heaven. And if there is hell and I were to die and go there, I can happily say that I have been to heaven and it was in the arms of the most beautiful girl to ever walk the earth. It was in that radiant smile of hers. There was peace in those lips of hers. And I lost it all, and broke her heart being the bastard that I am, and so I probably deserve this trip to hell.

I knew from the very beginning that letting her in would be a mistake. Not because of her, she's perfect. But because of who I am. Yet, I hoped that we could be untouched by my world, that she would be untouched.

I was wrong.

She found out everything I never wanted her to know. Well, not everything. Ahana still doesn't know about her. No one does. Not even Connor.

I knew Ahana won't be able to survive this world, and she did run on the first chance to protect herself, rightly so. But I still can't stop thinking about her.

She is everywhere. Her scent is in my room. Her smile is in my dreams. Her touch seared in my skin. Her warmth enveloping my damned soul. She is omnipresent. And I am a craving fool.

But it's clear that she doesn't want anything to do with me. She doesn't want me. Period.

Can't say that I blame her. But now that I know what it is like to have her, I can't let her go, I can't be without her, even though I know that it's selfish of me. So, I have been trying to talk through to her. But she has been doing everything in her power to ignore me.

She isn't answering to my texts or calls. She is ignoring me in the hallways. And avoiding looking into my eyes in the canteen. She is doing her best to not be left alone with me even for a single minute.

I can't see her. I hate what I have done to her. She has lost that spark that attracted me to her. She hasn't been getting much sleep either, apparent from her sunken eyes. It hurts that I am the one causing her pain. She did nothing to deserve it.

And I did nothing to deserve her.

But I still try one last time when I climb in through her window in the evening after school.

"What are you doing here?", she says, startled.

"Trying to talk to you.", I take a step toward her.

"There is nothing left to talk.", she says with unshed tears in her eyes that break my fucking dead heart.

"Ahana, don't say that.", I plead.

"What else do you want me to say Gabriel? You want me to lie and say that it's okay, that I forgive you? Because it's not fucking okay and I don't forgive you, Gabriel.", her voice raises a little.

All I can do is look at her with regret and guilt in my eyes. She is right. I don't deserve her forgiveness. And if I were her, even I won't ever wanna see me again. But I never said I was a good man. "There are no excuses for the secrets I kept. And I don't expect you to understand. But all I did, all I hid was to protect you. I would hate myself if you were to ever come to any harm because of me or my father.", I try to reason, hoping she would understand.

Her fight leaves her body as she sits on the edge of her bed. "Even if I understand what you are saying and forgive you for keeping me in the dark all this time, I can't, in good conscience, be with you again. Because being with you is risky, not only for me, but for my family too. And I love my family Gabriel, I love my parents and my sister. I would die if anything would ever happen to them because of my choices, my mistakes.", she says as she violently wipes a lone tear sliding down her cheeks. I ball my hands into fists to stop myself from doing it for her knowing she wouldn't appreciate it.

And I can't blame her for protecting her family. Yet, I try one last time, "I miss you, baby."

"I miss you too.", she confesses as more tears slide down her face and this time, I can't stop myself as I move forward and wrap my arms around her, maybe for the last time.

Her tears drench my shirt but that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is I don't have anyone else to blame for this but me. And so, I hug her close for the last time. I breathe her in to remember her scent when she won't be with me to keep me afloat.

"I'm sorry.", is all she says as she kisses me one last time and then she leaves me in her bedroom.

*****

I am absent-mindedly strumming my guitar in the living room when my father walks in with Matt in his tow. "Stop being a goddamn girl and playing this instrument for a change.", he hollers, making me pissed.

"I'll do whatever I damn well please.", I curtly reply and stand up to leave and go to my room.

"Don't leave when I am talking to you.", he spits.

"I thought we were done talking.", I say, turning back to take the stairs.

"Not until I say we are. And stop crying over that little girlfriend of yours. It's pathetic."

"Her name is Ahana. And don't you dare talk about her.", I seethe.

"What? She found out who you are and left you stranded and you are still moping around for her.", he remarks.

"Well at least I am still human enough to care. Look at you. All monster behind those suits you wear. Mom would be rolling in her grave looking at you.", I say to hurt him.

I don't see the punch until it's too late and I stagger backwards when it hits me in the jaw. "Shut your fucking mouth up.", he warns.

I regain balance and push him hard. "First mom left you. Then Carter. And someday I will too. No one wants you.", I shout.

"You have five seconds to hurry back to your room before I fucking beat you up."

"Fuck you.", I say as I pick up my guitar and go back to my room knowing I can't hit him back.

When I reach my room and drop on to my bed, I finally decide that I am done with everyone's bullshit. I decide that I will once again build back those walls up that I let down for Ahana.

And since I can't have her, I won't beg her either. I am done begging for people to stay in my life. I am done being afraid of losing them. The only way to not lose someone is to not let someone in, in the first place. I can't let my emotions cloud my judgement any longer.

Tomorrow, Ahana will see the asshole she hated because I know she is hurting too. Hating me might make her leaving me hurt less. And I know it's the right thing to do. Even if it will hurt the both of us. But just for now.

And my last thought before I drift off to sleep with my aching jaw, is of her.

I'm sorry, Ahana.

*****

A/N

Hey Readers! Sorry for a late and short update. I actually have been running on a high fever. I honestly feel like death.

Everything aside, how do you feel about Gabriel's decision?

And do comment, it helps me to keep going on. And don't forget to vote and share.

Thank you!

Happy Reading!

xoxo