Doubtful

6.

My friends leave and, I lay down on my bed. Alyssa sits down on my bed. Why do I feel awkward? She lays down and lays her head on my chest. It feels nice, but something it feels like something is missing.

"I missed your face." She says, repeating a text from this morning while rubbing my arm.

It gives me goosebumps.

"Really?" I ask back, not sure what to say to her statement.

This is ridiculous! The girl I've had a crush on for 3 years is laying on me right now, and I'm not going crazy right now? Why? I can't lie, it's nice to lay like this but, it feels wrong. Maybe if I ignore the feeling, it'll go away.

"Of course, I enjoy your company." She replies, grabbing my hand and pulling it over her back, resulting in me holding her.

This is nice. I close my eye, feel myself getting tired. I can feel Alyssa pick her head up and her eyes on me, so I open my eyes.

"What?" I ask looking back at her.

"Can I kiss you?" She asks

I nod yes, my heart starts beating heavily. That's the feeling I was missing.

"I want you to say yes, I want to hear it." She says, god she's hot.

"Yes, you can kiss me. I want you to kiss me." I respond, both of my hands gripping at her shirt on her hips.

She leans down and kisses me. I kiss back reluctantly, tasting the sweet taste of her chapstick. Peach. She bites my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I give in, our tongues dancing a slow Rhythm together. I can feel myself becoming a mess for her, god she knows what she's doing. She stops and pulls away, kissing my check and trailing down to my neck. She continues kissing on my neck, the feeling giving warmth to my whole body. I snap out of the trance suddenly. I know what she's doing! I sit up not because I want her to stop, but because I need her too.

"Gage what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" She asks, looking at me concerned

"No no, it's not you I promise! Trust me, I want this I do. I just can't. I'm so sorry." I say assuring her.

"No hey, there's no need to apologize. If you can't, you can't I won't make you." She says sounding down on herself.

It gives me the impression no one has ever told her no, when it comes to this.

"Alyssa, it's not that I don't want to. The last thing I want to do is stop you, it's a personal thing. Its just a lot to explain. I hope that answer is enough." I say, feeling bad for stopping things.

"It's enough, I won't pry." She replies. I can't tell she's lying, but I won't push her to say anything.

I hug her, she gives me a very small squeeze back then pulls away.

"I should probably get home, someone has to let the puppy out." She says getting up from the bed.

"Hey I'll drive you it's not far." I suggest.

She just nods. I put my shoes on and we head out the door to the car. The silence is awkward. I need music, July by Noah Cyrus. I start the drive to Alyssa's brother's apartment. The drive is quiet just music, Alyssa just stares out the window. The mood in the car, just awkward and bitter. I get to the apartment and she opens the door and gets out, doesn't even say goodbye just leaves. This girl's is driving me mad. I wait till she makes it in the building before I start driving home.