My Future Husband

Chapter 74

“I’m...” Her bottom lip starts to tremble, my hand finding hers in an instant. “I’m so fucking scared.”

“Good.”

“What?” She chuckles, but we both have matching tears now. “Aren’t you supposed to be telling me everything is going to be okay? That it’ll all be rainbows and butterflies?”

“No, if you want that kind of crap then go watch a Disney movie. This is real life. You should be scared, because having a baby is fucking scary, and choosing not to have a baby is fucking scary.” I never had to go through what she is now, I knew when I found out I was pregnant with Teal what I was going to do, but that didn't make it any less frightening. “Having a kid is hard work. It's like taking care of your drunk friend twenty-four-seven, who never sobers up, who can't tell you what they want, who you have to keep from dying, and who’s obsessed with your nipples.”

She erupts with laughter, but I think I’m pretty much nailing parenthood here.

“You make it sound so appealing.”

“If someone offered you a job that was never ending, no days off, no holiday pay, where you’d work yourself to death, worry constantly, and on top of that you didn’t get paid, would you take it? Hell no.” Adulting is a scam. “Being a parent is the hardest job, and no-one will ever thank you for it, in fact your kids will probably end up in therapy because of all the shit you do wrong.” Okay, probably time for some sugar with this salt. “But you know what? You’ll wake up every morning and they’ll still be the first face you want to see. You’ll fall asleep with them and forget there’s anything bad in this world, because how could that be possible when you're looking at something so perfectly good? You'll laugh, and you’ll cry with them. They'll understand you like no-one else. You won't sleep again for the rest of your life through worry, but you won’t swap a second of it.”

“Really?”

“Really. Having Teal is the best thing that ever happened to me. The only thing that came close was walking up to the quiet blonde girl on the basketball court and asking her if she wanted to play...” Fuck, don’t cry. “You won’t ever regret having that baby in your arms, ever. You’ll love them more than you thought possible. However, you need to be sure you’re ready, because once they’re here, there’s no putting them back.” Although when Teal was teething, I honestly considered it.

“Fuck.” Shit, I was supposed to be stopping her crying, not make it worse. “I don’t know if I can do it.” She sobs. “I’m not who I used to be, May. I’m always fucking up now, most days I don’t even want to get out of bed!”

“What do you mean?” I thought her life in London was perfect?

“I never sleep unless I’m with him, my family don’t know where I am from one month to the next because I’ve cut them out. I miss dancing because I love it, not following the steps of a choreographer who only sneers at me every time I eat something that isn’t water! I hated my apartment in London, the city is so fucking loud!”

“So then don’t go back!” She’s not looking at me. She’s just letting it all out.

“And I know what it’s like to be different! I know what it is to have people stare at you and talk about you like you’re not in the room. Do you know what they’ll say about this baby? Do you know how they’ll make them feel because of who their parents are?” It’s going to be hard, it’s going to be so fucking hard. “I swear I’ve even made Craig hate me. My dad... my mom... this will destroy them! Do you remember when Leah told us about what happened? They put Cole and Tara through hell, those two can’t ever get married because of their kids.” That was different, but it doesn’t change anything. You can’t help who you love. “W-We never should’ve done this to them.”