My Future Husband

Chapter 48

MAY’S P.O.V

He’s still here.

It’s been far too long since I woke up in my own bed with my head resting on a beating heart, and my body so completely satisfied.

I mean, COMPLETELY satisfied.

Fuck. Last night... I didn’t know it could be like that.

I needed it, we both did. We had to get it out of our systems, so we can think clearly.

There’s only one problem:

Now my mind is even more fucked!

Seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to say to him after that?! Oh hey, thanks for all the orgasms, my legs are still shaking, I dreamt that I spent the night sitting on your face, want to be my bestie again until next time?!

This was supposed to make it easier! Release all the tension so we could both see we were just being clouded by lust! But no, of course not, why would the universe make life easier for May Parker when it can just put her ultimate fantasy into human form, shove him in her bed, and not provide her with the skills to let him into her cold, dead heart! Fuck you, babe. Haven’t you finished using me as your own personal brand of fucked up entertainment yet?

Kage grips my waist in his sleep when I make this smallest action to turn around. Cute.

How is he so beautiful? Men aren’t supposed to be this beautiful.

I know we shouldn’t have done that, not really, no matter how good it felt. We could’ve fucked everything up that’s taken us so long to build, and that’s the last thing I want. Not to mention Teal, his job offer, our living arrangements, the fact I’m still completely fucking in love with him...

Oh shit.

Fine! There! I said it!

I’m in love with him, I’m in love with everything about him. I can’t look at anyone else, can't think about anyone else, I haven’t been able to since the day I thought he died! You’d think this would be easy, I love him and he wants me, but it's not.

A few weeks ago he couldn’t even look at me, he didn’t know who I was, he could slip back into that as quickly as he slipped out of it. One tiny demon from the many that haunt my past comes clawing it’s way to the surface, and bang, he’s gone. I couldn’t handle that kind of rejection, not from him. We’ve got a little boy that’s depending on us being the grown-ups, on putting him first, and quite frankly...

I’m just not ready to get my heart broken again. I wouldn’t survive it, I wouldn’t survive losing him once more.

Call me a coward, call me a fucking idiot, I don’t care. I’m safer with him just being the father of my son, I’m protected, I still have him in my life but with a shield around my heart.

I know I’ll never see him as just that, but I can shove it down. Even with those ocean eyes closed, I can still feel them searching through my soul, and that’s so freaking dangerous. He has ways of getting inside my head that no-one else has, the way he understood me the moment we met still leaves me freaked, not to mention the sound of his voice alone brings me more peace than any person still walking this earth.

He’s more lethal to me than any bullet. He’s the only thing that could ever truly break me.

So what the fuck am I supposed to do? When you head’s in a mess and your heart's in a cage, which one do you deal with first?

“You just going to stare at me all morning, Shorty?” Idiot.

Those long lashes flutter open, and I’m met with my undoing.