Ran Right Into Him

Chapter 9

The next day, I sat silently on the floor, the bottle of sleeping pills sitting just as silent in front of me. There they were, my ticket out of this god awful life. The feelings would be gone, everything would be gone. I would be gone. Benjamin would be gone. My heart aches for him, I know he'll be sad when I'm gone, even if he doesn't like me. I thought more, and more, about me, my life, my demon, my dad, Benjamin, and the guy whose name it hurts me to say. I can't breathe. I can not breathe. The thoughts are coming too quickly, the memories coming back from their hiding spots too fast, they catch me off guard. I can't take it anymore. I open the bottle of pills, hands shaking. I count. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven. Twenty-seven. 27. 2. 7. That should be the key to the door that has me trapped in this soulless life. I cradle them in my hand and grab a glass of water from my bedside table. I stay there listening to my own heart beating, thinking of how it soon won't be. It's Tuesday. The thought randomly spouts in my brain. School. I should be at school right now. I wonder if Benjamin's worried about me.

Stop.

He doesn't care about you. You are broken, shattered, disgusting. The voice screamed in my ears, it's words of wisdom, it sounded like my mother.

I took the pills, one by one. All 27 of them. I lay on top of my small rug in my bedroom, watching as my fingers change color from blue, to purple, to white. My shirt was clinging to my skin from sweat. My breathing was heavy and slow and I could feel myself slipping away.

"Finally," I whispered to myself.

Suddenly my door burst open but my vision was fading away and I couldn't keep my eyes open. They rushed to my side and knelt down beside me. There was yelling, panic and frantic movement but I wasn't paying attention to any of it. I was focusing on the feel of consciousness slipping out of my grasp and my life slipping through my fingers and realized I hated it. I take it back.

Help.