FEAR IS FOR THE WEAK [GHOST//SOAP X OC]

34. I NEED TO LEAVE

WARNING- MENTIONS OF SUICIDE/ GRIEF

《 A/N … I appreciate every single one of you who have stumbled upon this story of mine and would be absolutely grateful if you could leave a like or sneaky comment on this. It helps me know I'm on the right path but also keeps me motivated to write more stories like this.
Much love. 》

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Simon was dead.

Simon was dead.

Simon was dead.

~~~~~

The words played over in my head as I moved with Johnny back to our living quarters, everything inside me completely broken and numb while tears continued to stream down my face, unable to comprehend what was happening, the only thing that I knew, was that Simon Riley, was dead.

Doors passed us when I realised where we were and I stopped dead in my tracks before I moved to the door on my right and opened it, moving to the bed before I dropped to it, curled up into a ball and cried.

His bed.

His room.

My hands clutched his quilt and sheets, holding on as I broke all over again, those shards of my heart piercing the inside of my chest like a thousand needles before they turned to knives and tore at my insides. This, heartbreak. It was quite possibly going to kill me, and for once, I was fine with that. Fine if this was how I went out because it hurt, everything hurt and yet I was numb to it which made it hurt even more.

I felt a hand on my shoulder before I heard him, his voice straining against his own pain and hurt. "Jessie…I'm so sorry…I- he…I'm sorry Jessie." Was all he managed before I heard his voice crack and I should have cared that it would hurt him too, that he would be just as cut up as me and yet, I didn't. No, I didn't feel empathy for him or even sympathy.

"Leave me alone." I croaked out, pulling my shoulder from his grip.

"Jessie…please, I'm sor-"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU ARE!" I snapped. Anger and rage filled me as I looked at him, seeing how fucking hurt he was, how broken Simon's death had made him and yet I could only feel anger towards him. "He's GONE! Johnny…he's dead and you came back…so just fuck off and leave me alone! You let him die!"

Those last words were a whisper but they cut him deep. I saw the way they hit him, watched them puncture his heart the way mine was before he got up, tears in his eyes, and backed up from me, before he closed the door, leaving me alone to break again.

At some point I managed to get up and pull one of Simon’s hoodies on, dropping back to his bed and curled up, sobbing quietly before I must have fallen asleep.

~~~~~

I was woken later by the bed dipping and I spun, hoping it was him and I was dreaming but when I looked up, it was Price, and that look on his face brought everything back to the surface before I cracked again. "Oh Jessie." He said softly as he pulled me into his arms, letting me cry into his shoulder, just letting me break. "I'm so sorry…I didn't know, he never said anything." He added softly as he gently stroked my hair.

Nothing would help.

No amount of hugs, or words would help. I just needed to go through it I guess.

The grief.
The pain.
The hurt.

But right now.

I just broke. Broke over and over again.

And Price just held me, letting me go through it until I felt the bed dip again and another set of arms wrapped around myself and Price. "Princess." Gaz whispered, his own voice breaking as I heard him crack too.