Be Us Against The World (or so I thought)- A bokuaka angst story

Chapter 16- my broken counterpart

Bokuto's daily life had changed a lot. He went from his bubbly, loud extroverted self to more shut down. A constant emo mode, the Fukurodani team had no idea how to fix it normally they'd call Akaashi over and it would be fixed but this time they couldn't and that caused their captain to get worse. They had tried everything from inviting Kuroo around for practices to doing his usual favourite practices. Nothing would snap him out of it, his grades had dropped, not that Kōtarō cared all that much. He found school a waste of his time, he only went for volleyball, and then when he met Akaashi to see him. From an early age, he dreamed of taking his sport, Volleyball, professionally. Being in the big leagues, everyone knows his name. Winning the game for his teams and hearing the crowd chant for him.

However ever since the incident the captain had changed a lot, his day would consist of morning practice, school, and visiting Akaashi. So many people had told him to just stop visiting the boy. Nothing had changed well apart from the doctors having to escort Bokuto out one evening and the next day Akaashi had an oxygen mask. Bokuto wanted to cry and beg the setter to stay, wanted to switch their places he hated seeing Akaashi like this. This being a reminder the situation can and is getting worse. Hate is a strong word, but Bokuto hated it. He wanted to help but was clueless about how. Anything. He would do anything to have Akaashi back. To be able to hold the boy in his arms whispering sweet nothings in his ear, tell him what he loved every day, share, and create memories, Cuddle each other to sleep, and everything else. He felt lost without Akaashi, he'd tell the boy everything so without him he wasn't sure what to do with himself. Sure he could talk to the rest of the team or anyone he has become friends, it was an easy task for Bokuto, with but it wasn't the same.

Every day when visiting Bokuto would do the same thing: race into the hospital and go off to the room Akaashi stayed in. He could remember this well, room 304. He'd then sit on the chair by Akaashi and softly brush his hair out of his face, talk to the 'sleeping' boy, and overhear the doctors talking about the situation on Keiji Akaashi. He'd then move to sit on the floor, resting his head on the bed and gently holding Akaashi's hand and continuing to talk.

This happened all the time, and Bokuto refused to leave Akaashi's side. He wanted to be there for the moment his best friend, his crush woke up. He wanted to be the first thing the midnight-haired boy woke up to. He promised himself he would be there so when Akaashi woke up he had a friend by his side. He gently caressed Akaashi's hand, his lip quivering as he felt the coldness of it against his own. His golden eyes filled with tears.

"Akaashi, god I don't even know if you can hear me but if you can please fight. Please.... Stay Akaashi. Stay alive. We- no I. I need you."

He rubbed his thumb gently across Akaashi's hand, feeling a twitch, and beamed raising his head not noticing anything, and realized he had moved the hand unconsciously so dropped his head back down. He smiled softly remembering to keep a brave face for 'Kaashi. He continued to pass the time by talking to the boy, he ignored all the judging looks he got, and he didn't care. Bokuto had tricked himself into believing for his sanity that Akaashi could hear him. He was remembering all the stories Bokuto would tell but the setter would ask for them again.

"today was fun Keiji, I wish you were there because it would have been more fun! But anyway Tsuki-poo told me he stopped a block against Ushijima and beat it meaning I beat beat Ushijima because I beat Tsuki before! then I went to see Kuroo, and Kenma and he asked Kenma out and they are so cute. I like someone as well! you know him very well."

Bokuto kept on this every day but deep down he knew nothing would be the same. He didn't want to tell himself Akaashi was going to survive nor did he want to think about the fact that he could die. He knew no matter what happened one of them would suffer. He had to admit to himself, he knew but didn't want to think about it, Bokuto knew deep down that even if Akaashi survived he'd still hate it. He wouldn't just wake up miracle healed, he'd still have everything he did before, he'd still be struggling.

However, Bokuto also knew that if Akaashi passed away, he wouldn't be the same. He would know Akaashi would be happier, he'd feel free from the burden of life but Bokuto would feel empty. His heart and soul, the reason he came charging into school every day apart from volleyball would be gone.

He hated the situation he was in because no matter what the ending was, it wouldn't be perfect. Sure life was unfair but Bokuto hated it, he knew life wasn't some fairytale but he wished it was.

He wished he could just ask the stars or a fairy godmother and everything would be fixed. Akaashi would be back, he wouldn't want to leave the world. They could be happy together and grow old to 130 together. Akaashi could come and watch Bokuto play in his matches and then they'd go home together and sit under the stars, watching the world.