36 • Going with the flow

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Abir :)

The whole day she just stayed miles away from me, I was having my own enjoyment seeing her running away from me. She was not interested to go to pool, even I was just playing with her, I had no intention to push her. But she thought I will actually push her, and that kiss, I still could feel her soft lips against my cheek even though the kiss was less than of two seconds ..

It's been 10 minutes I am sitting near a lake which just little away from the farm house. Mishti and I both came here by walking. God know leaving me here where she left.. It's a fullmoon night.. The water flow was steady and calm.. I was seeing the refection of moon on the clean water, mesmerizing by the beauty of it..

I got surprised when flower petals started falling on me , I looked up and found Mishti showering petals on me. My eyes sparkled seeing her happy face.. Oh! From last ten minutes she was plugging these flowers.. She sat beside me and put her head on my shoulder. I was sitting, circling my both arms around my knees. It's 10:30 PM.. After dinner we both came here ..

"Can I know the reason of your acts? These petals ? " I asked, resting my head on her head . There was no one except both of us and it was so peaceful.. "Mmm.. Just felt like to do it, " she mumbled. I let out a deep breath.. Cold breeze was blowing giving me chills, even though I am wearing my jacket..

"Life is so unpredictable na! " she whispered, I stared at her, her gaze were fixed on the steady water.. Her smile was radiating calmness, my heart fluttered seeing her feature. She took a deep breath and stared at me.. I raised my brows at her , giving me a faint smile she looked down..

"There was a day, a time when I decided to end up my life and now it's so different, " she whispered, my heart dropped hearing those words, the smile from my face got faded.. "Umm.. What do you mean? " I asked, wrapping my one hand around her shoulder, pulling her close to me..

"I was in just 9th standard, I had no one by my side, I was still in the trauma of losing Bhai and Bua.. Everytime I used to go home, all used to stay busy, I had good friends but they were not that closed to me that I can share my feelings with them.. I was so tired of living," she mumbled, her eyes were on her lap.. I could feel her pain through her voice.. I wish I could have approached her that time..

"My school grades used to be so bad . My family used to do so much hard work for me and my outcomes were not upto their expectations. They never say anything but I could feel it.. I just go to class and stare at teachers, I don't even listen what they teach. I was just breathing, from inside I was dead, I was a lost child. I used to die everyday.. A body with a deadly soul. And one day I just thought to end my life, I know now it might sound stupid but only I know what I had gone through.. " she muttered, I took her palm in my hand and brushed my thumb on her knuckles..

"I was in my school library, sitting over a chair with a blank mind, heavy heart, struggling with my emotions .. That's when a random boy came and kept a letter with a flower on my desk, I could not see him as he left.. He just gave me a little hope, he just made me push all those negative thoughts.. As he said, after coming from school I went to rooftop and stared at the sky all night.. I don't know but my heart felt so light, I felt like those stars were shining for me, they were talking to me. After that day every night I feel sad, I used to look at sky and just talk, share what I feel.. " she concluded and smiled..

I was so shocked to even think anything, nodding at her I kept my gaze on the water.. When I kept the letter on the desk, I didn't know what she was going through inside.. I just felt she's going through some pain and I was right, but this much! If I would have not given that letter to her then... I shook my head hurriedly, even the thought of losing her scares me to death...

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