Owning Her| OLD

Chapter Forty-One

"It wasn't like that," I groan.

"Then what was it like? Was there sexual tension? Awkward Tension?" She asks.

"I don't know," I exclaim.

I grabbed a pillow and buried my face into it. I don't know how to explain to Diana about last night. It was a lot of mixed signals, so I have no idea. It was weird. It was weird seeing him, hearing him, and just being there.

I haven't seen him in so long that it felt so weird to me. I should tell her what he said though, but even I don't know I feel about what he said.

"I let you go the first time and I'm not going to the second time."

My heart aches and that dull feeling fills my chest. I felt so confused. I wanted to believe his words, but I didn't in a way. It just hurts thinking about him or Elijah. Does he really mean what he said?

"You're staring off, tell me the truth Iris," She nudges.

I look at her and watch as she plays with Noah. The truth? I'm not even sure what the fuck that is. I feel like I shouldn't be overthinking it as much, but I mean I saw flipping Grayson. I was out with him and it's a shocker.

She looked down at Noah for a second then back up at me. She was waiting for my answer and I shrugged my shoulders. She tilts her head to the side and looks me up and down.

"If you had the option to go back to him or them would you?"

"I don't know," I shrugged.

I looked at the pillow I was holding and traced over the patterns. I think I would. I would go back though, but it would be completely different from what it used to be. I don't want to feel like a burden.

I don't want to end up like this again. I'm older now, so that's a massive difference. I'm only twenty, there is no fucking difference. I doubt Grayson meant what he said in a sexual way, maybe in a friendly way.

I don't want to get hurt over this. If this second time ends up turning into shit, I'm not sure what I would do.

"How about you go on different dates with different guys and see if you still wanna go back to Grayson?" she suggests.

"No thank you," I shake.

"Yes, you have been encased in this shell. You need to explore a little bit more before you make a decision about Grayson and that son of a bitch Travis doesn't count."

"I wanna focus on my future and men were not on my list."

"What so you are going to stay single for the rest of your life?"

She raises her eyebrows at me and looks to the side. I rolled my eyes at her and if she wasn't holding Noah I would have thrown the pillow in her face. I wasn't planning on staying single, but that's not my focus.

I can understand what she is saying. If I have no experience with other men, how do I know what I really want? I lay on the couch and hugged the pillow. Maybe I could give it a try. I wouldn't say I'm completely over that night, but it doesn't affect me as much anymore.

I looked up at the ceiling and contemplated what I wanted. I sighed and closed my eyes. This was going to give me a headache, one I didn't need. This was going to have to be the least of my focus right now.

"You would go back, we both know it," She sighs.

"I don't know," I murmur.

"You saying you don't know says it all."

"Whatever," I huff.

"I don't why your lying to yourself, I have seen both Elijah and Grayson. There both fine as fuck, I would," she says.