Holidays Bleeding (A Post Malone Fanfiction)

Chapter 3

I took another hefty gulp of my wine. "As you know I went back." My eyes were still drifted off attached to the horrible memory.

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold the fuck up," Gina crowed. "He technically proposed to you!"

My attention snapped back towards my friends but fell on Gina flatly. "I would hardly count it as a real proposal," I retorted. "More than a last-ditch effort to convince me to stay."

"Still! Somewhere in him, he was willing to and I," she got choked on her own words. "He's never been the type to seem like he'd even mutter the words marriage to a woman."

"I know," I remarked a little too bitterly. Not that I was the type to be knocking down doors for marriage but because it only proved me right. "Which is why I know he didn't mean it."

Gergana studied me then asked, "What made you decide to go back after all that?"

I shook my head weakly because that's what I ultimately was for Austin. Weak. I tried to have strength, to think I knew best, but when it came to him, I questioned what was truly right. What being strong meant. "The same reason I've always gone back to him. I love him," I explained in the simplest way I knew. "It's like there's this tether between us that keeps us from being able to ever break away. Even if we know we need it, it's like I can't. I'm always drawn back knowing I'd hurt more being away than being on that tour. It's scary sometimes how much I love him. It's like I couldn't breathe, or focus when I came back. Everything seemed so dull. I thought being here would help and in a way it did. But not how I was thinking. I'd rather be with him experiencing my worst days knowing he was there than go through them without him."

At some point Gergana had leaned forward, propping her head on her hand listening with a new set of dreamy eyes.

"You definitely have it bad for that boy," Gina supplied. "But I get it, and it seems like you two got through it okay. Seeing as you're taking a healthier more reasonable step forward in your relationship." She hinted at me moving in with her eyes.

Gergana chimed in, sitting back up. "I'm sorry but I've got to ask, how'd you get past that proposal? Have you discussed that topic further? How were you able to manage the tour when going back?"

I stifled a laugh. "I should've known you two would hound me with questions."

"Can you blame us?" she shot back.

Nope. I sighed. "Going back on tour, we took it day by day. Communicated constantly which I was thankful for. I promised to be honest on any bad days I was having. We agreed to chalk out a couple of hours every day just for us. And yeah, it helped." I ran my fingers along the stem of my wine glass. "It wasn't a cure-all but it helped. We also started the American part of the tour and I had my book signings worked in so it helped a lot with keeping me distracted at times. It still had its moments but we did it. I just pray in the future we just get better at it. The whole idea is intimidating. Like how do I compete with the world for him, you know? It doesn't seem possible. At least not forever."

"Except it totally is possible," Gergana argued.

I looked at her skeptically. "I appreciate your optimism."

"It's not being optimistic. It's being realistic. Austin loves you." Her voice rose with a conviction I wasn't ready for. "There's no competition to begin with as Austin said. You need to remember that those people in the crowd, they only get him for that one night, for those few hours. Same with the desperate groupies. Just because they want to sleep with him doesn't mean they get to. But you get him every night of every week. Each birthday, holiday, and vacation. You even get all the small things, like his good mornings, his I missed yous, his freaking I love yous for crying out loud. All of it. He's so in love with you. So, when you really think about it, how do all those people in the crowds and those groupies ever begin to compete with you?"