Holidays Bleeding (A Post Malone Fanfiction)

Chapter 2

Three and a half months ago.

I was standing backstage as Austin finished up his performance, getting lost in the sights of the crowd before him. It was like this at every concert. The thousands of bodies swaying, singing passionately, all of them wanting to claw their way towards him. At first, I marveled at the sight. Almost envious that he could draw so many people in. Captivate them. But now after being halfway through his tour, the sight only spiked my anxiety and my insecurities. Making me want to tear up watching them. I had been warned that the tour life of a musician of his level could be overwhelming. And I'd been handling it well considering my life before was usually me sitting at home with a book and glass of wine. Now I was facing the time zone changes. The poor sleep. The hectic schedules. Even the constant partying. It was a lot but again, I was taking it in stride. That was until...I wasn't.

I tore my eyes away from the crowd that so desperately wanted him and watched him as he brought out his guitar to smash it against the stage. He did this at the end of every show and it started to become my cue to leave. I left the side stage and walked towards the back where there was a lounge area. I passed by all the dozens of bustling people. Most of them working but another good handful of people were just here for the free booze, drugs, and to party. I bumped past some of them in no mood tonight.

I plopped down on a nearby couch and the crowd outside had gone wild. I leaned back resting my head on a propped-up hand.

"Hey sky, you need anything?"

I looked up to find Brody, Austin's top roady on tour, standing in front of me, and I couldn't help but give him a small smile despite my mood. "No, I'm good. And what did I tell you? You don't have to do me favors. Your Austin's assistant on this tour, not mine."

He smiled down gently at me. "I know but you know I don't mind it."

"Well, I appreciate it but I'm okay." My emotions were settling deeper into my gut, making my insides twist. I glanced away.

I don't know if he sensed my mood, but he stepped closer looking around. "Mind if I sit with you a second?" he asked.

I shook my head. I always appreciated Brody's company. He was a little younger than both Austin and me. He had been trying to make his way into the industry when Austin gave him a chance. And after months of being on the road with him, he was almost like a little brother at times. His shaggy dark hair and blue eyes. They held an optimism I wish I could reach myself.

He sat down, leaning forward to turn towards me, studying me. "You doing okay?"

I fiddled with the fabric of my pants. "That obvious tonight?" My voice came out exactly how I felt. Free of pretenses and full of dread and sadness.

"I've come to know you a bit," he shared. "And as we've talked about what's troubling you before there are definitely good days and bad days on tour." He winced, taking in my distressed comportment. "Just seems lately there have been mostly bad days."

He was right. And if he saw it, Austin saw it. I wasn't doing a good job at hiding it but I also didn't want to be good at hiding how raw I was inside. "It's not that black and white," I said feebly. I was happy to be here. Truly. Austin and I were traveling the world together, making memories, but as of late, things have been hard. For me. Personally. Not us. However, I knew my personal shit affected us but Austin never pushed it. "Austin is just one person, you know? I've seen him get pulled in a million different directions every day. Everyone wanting his attention for different reasons and honestly, I don't know how he does it. I know it can't be easy but within that, I've noticed that this life for someone on the sidelines is a lot lonelier than I would've expected."