The First Steps (A Hunter Hayes Fanfiction, Book 1 of the Hardships Saga)

Chapter Forty-Nine

❝shock (pronounced ʃɒk or shok), noun

a sudden event that shocks or surprises a person❞

Lilly had been contemplating ending it all for a while now.

It was April, now. Hunter was in Australia, and wasn't coming back for a little while- he was still going on tour with Lady A afterwards. They hadn't seen each other face to face in two months, since he had left to go on tour.

And without him there, constantly beside her, she had no reason to think about why life was worth it after all.

What was she there for, really?

What was the purpose of life?

You're born, you go to school, you fall in love, get married, and work until you die?

What was the point of that?

She hadn't eaten properly for a few days, and she was tired. She just wanted Hunter to come home.

One early morning, Hunter called her. "Hey, darling!"

"Hi, Hunt," she said, smiling a little. "What's the time over there?"

He sighed. "I don't even know what the time is anymore, or the day, or anything. It's like, someone tells me I have to be somewhere, and I'm just kinda like 'Okay!' It's crazy."

"You're in Melbourne now, right?" she asked, remembering the time difference chart she had been looking at a couple of nights ago.

"Yeah, just finished my show here."

"It's eleven pm, and it's Easter Monday for you."

"Okay, cool. What's the day for you?"

"It's April the sixth as well, but it's still eight am."

He sighed. "I miss you, sweetheart."

"I miss you too, Hunt," she said, with a sigh. "Cole misses you, too. And Apollo probably does too, but he doesn't say much."

Hunter chuckled. "Say hi to Cole for me, then. Apollo too. I should sleep, darling, okay?"

"Yeah, you should. Did you take your pills?"

"Yeah, the sleeping ones, right?"

"Well, what else?"

"Of course I did, sweetheart," he said. "I love you, Lilly."

She sighed. "I love you, too."

"Good night," he said.

"G'night."

He hung up, and she sighed again, putting the phone down.

Then she looked at the box of pregnancy tests.

There was only one thing she had to do now.

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In the bathroom, she watched the test slowly make its decision. As she did, she thought about the way she would end it all.

If she was pregnant, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't take two lives.

And Hunter...

Would he be okay without her? Would he even try to do anything without her? She knew he placed a lot of importance on her, and that he loved her endlessly, but what if she was gone?

She would have to write a note to him. After the child was born, she would write a note, explaining that she couldn't go on, and that maybe this was for the best. He wouldn't have any trouble finding another woman, would he? No, he'd be fine. He didn't need her as desperately as he made out. She needed him more than he needed her.