The First Steps (A Hunter Hayes Fanfiction, Book 1 of the Hardships Saga)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

❝anticipation (pronounced antɪsɪˈpeɪʃ(ə)n or an-tis-uh-pey-shuh n), noun
waiting anxiously of excitedly for something that's about to happen.❞

It was now late July, and wedding plans, which were stressing Lilly more than exams, were finally over. Instead of a buck's night and hen's night, they wanted to stay together for one last night, and Lilly was frantically packing. She didn't know where they were going, but Hunter had told her to pack summer clothes.

"Lilly?"

"I'm packing," she called back, and Hunter came into their room, frowning slightly.

"Next time you have to come home when it's dark, call me, okay? I'm not comfortable about you walking home in the middle of the night.

"I'll be fine," said Lilly distractedly. "I've packed bathers, flip-flops, warm clothes just in case-"

"Lilly, relax, darling," he said gently. "You don't need to worry about all tha-"

"Yes I do! Everything has to be perfect!"

He grabbed her wrists gently and kissed her softly. "Relax," he murmured. "Everything is going to be perfect after today. Absolutely everything. Do you understand?"

She looked down. "If you insist."

"I'll make you some tea if that makes you feel better."

"Sure thing."

He left and made her some green tea, and she came into the kitchen to watch him quietly. He handed it to her in her favourite mug, and she sighed.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

"I... I know I said that I'm okay, but sometimes, I can't stop thinking about it. About the baby."

Lilly and Hunter hadn't told the public about losing their child, but it had gotten out somehow that Lilly had been bashed by that group of fans. Many fans had apologised on their behalf, though the perpetrators never confessed. Her scars were mostly healed now, her memories of the event itself blurred out of focus until it was just a distant memory that couldn't hurt her anymore. But it still hurt her to think of what could have been. She would have been halfway through her pregnancy, and Hunter would have been over the moon- even more than he was now.

"Don't think about that tonight, my love," he murmured gently. "Tonight is all about you. And once we get married, we have all the time in the world, okay?"

When she didn't reply, he sighed. "I know you still blame yourself-"

"You can't know that."

"You know how many times I've woken up to you sleepwalking and crying to me that you're sorry, Lilly?" he countered. He thought about the last time it had happened, two nights ago.

Hunter had woken up to crying and looked up blearily to see Lilly's silhouette standing at the foot of their bed. The curtains around their bed made her hard to see, but there was no mistaking that voice.

"Petal, what's wrong?" he asked groggily.

She didn't answer and he realised that she was still fast asleep. Sleepwalking again. It had been the fifteenth time in as many weeks. "Hey, it's okay," he said quietly, getting out of bed and comforting her.

"I don't deserve you," she sobbed. "They killed our baby..."

"No, darling, it's not your fault," he said gently. "It's not, I promise. I love you so much."

"Our baby..."

"It's okay," he whispered. "It's okay."

He was brought back to the present when Lilly said, "You don't understand, Hunter. I-"