Little Love Letters

20.

It happened in the middle of the night.

An unknown number lit the screen of my phone.

I was overanalysing what I could have done differently when I spoke to Luke earlier that day. He told me that if I said I didn't love him back, he would leave me alone. My first instinct was to tell him that I didn't love him, but we all know that isn't true. I just don't love him in that way.

I frowned at my phone even though I was awake. Who would call me at this time of the night?

Answering that phone call was the worst possible thing I could have done.

I snapped out of my thoughts when Tobias came towards me, "You know I never really liked Zac because he was always hurting my sister.." I cut him off rudely saying, "You don't have to rub it in my face! Okay? He couldn't have stopped this and you know that!"

This seemed to shut Tobias up. He left, seeing that all I could do was shout at everybody.

My phone had been on silent while I overthought the whole thing with Luke at midnight. I only noticed that somebody called me because the screen lit up. Millions of people left me messages and called me before that, but I missed it.

I'm so mad at myself that I missed it. The last seconds of his life wasn't with me in it. I had seen him four days ago when he surprise visited me and told me to follow the lights. He then took me to the park and we ate dinner next to the pond. It reminded me of the time he told me he was C.

That night when he kissed me goodbye, I couldn't have known that it was our last kiss. It didn't feel like it at all. It was so pure that I could see through it if the kiss were glass.

He finished watching romantic comedies with me later that evening, and we fell asleep next to each other.

That was perfect.

Now he is gone, and I'm not sure I could relive perfect again. "He is gone. Gone!" I frustratedly kicked a chair. I could see everybody cringe in the next hospital room.

Everybody was there. They arrived before me. They had a chance to say goodbye.

"Elle?"

Through teary eyes I looked up to my mother. "He left something for you."

My mom handed me a paper and a little box. "He gave this to me before he.. passed. He was on his way to you."

I grabbed what she offered me and sunk down against the wall. "Why did the accident have to be now? Why did he have to be driving to me?! Now this looks like my fault! I can't live with this!" I cried while breaking into pieces. I thought losing him once was bad.

My mom held me closely while I sobbed. Every good memory of my life was with him. Now there is almost no trace of him. Gone into thin air.

I unsurely opened the paper my mom handed me, when she left me alone. It looked like it had been squeezed in a pocket, fumbling at the corners. There was a stain of blood on the front.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. The tears obstructed my view, and I was making everybody panic for my health.

In his perfectly neat handwriting, the same handwriting that featured on the notes in high school, appeared. A whole page full.

'Don't laugh at me, okay? I did write it down this time, because I wanted to do something different. It needed to be perfect.

Elle, since the day that I saw you I knew that I wanted you to be my bride. It was like your smile fulfilled my empty heart. I felt like the desert, and you were rain.

Somehow I thought you were too good for me. Your perfect looks, sentences.. everything just gobsmacked me. And then I got to know you. In your presence I was the luckiest man alive and I still thought you were speaking to someone else and not to me. I not only wanted you, I needed you. With all my heart.

The first time that I lost you were the dark years of my life. You didn't want to speak to me, so my only solution was to find a way because I couldn't carry on without you. It worked, and I'm so thankful for that.

You might wonder why I couldn't have waited to propose, but the thought came to mind. Why wait longer?

Elle Parker, love of my life. Soul to my body, clouds to my sky, colour to my world, air to my lungs, music to my ears, sight of my eyes. Will you do me the honour of becoming my bride?'

"Yes, Zac Kennedy. I will become your wife." I softly whispered.

For what felt like hours, I cried till if felt like the water in my body was crystallising. I hurt anybody that touched or tried to give me sympathy.

If just one thing didn't happen. If that truck didn't hit him on his bike. If he had decided to wait. If he came five minutes earlier.

If. That's not past, present or future.

I don't know how I ended up in a ball on my bed. All I remember is Ally trying to comfort me, but not even her imput worked.

Something in my jacket pocket was hurting my side. I frowned and looked inside of it.

A little box. The ring that came with his speech.

I broke down again, but managed to open it and put the ring on my finger.

Too bad that he will never be able to see me walking down the aisle.