Little Love Letters

Chapter fifteen

Little Love Letters

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Chapter fifteen

I never experienced such pain in my legs before. The cramps crawled up from my calves to my thighs which made me stop running.

I was more or less speed walking, wiping the beads of sweat from my forehead.

The night was icy cold, and I found myself shivering and stopping at the park bridge.

Panting, more or less, I collapsed onto the railing out of breath. I knew it was just a matter of seconds before Zac shows up. Well, that's if he stays so arrogant as always and comes after me.

I was confused, nether less. My head was stuffed with questions, and I didn't have the answers to them.

It pained me and put me in a position I couldn't bare and I knew it was just a matter of time before I would give in.

Maybe I needed to put my barrier up and close the doors to my heart. I was breaking apart inside not knowing which side to face. It was almost like somebody making you choose between a red velvet cupcake and a decadent chocolate mud cake. It all depended on what you felt like tasting on you tongue. Well in this case I wouldn't lick Zachary or Conner. I would rather save the calories on something else.

Which in my case meant that they weren't worth it.

I take sight of Zac running towards me. I could make out that he had puffy eyes. He hadn't been crying, had he?

He would never cry. Not in the four years I've known him has he ever shed a tear. It pained me knowing that I was the reason he had red eyes. He was strong, stronger than anybody I've met before. He always had been my rock.

He comes closer,with disappointment and rejection written all over his face, out of breath.

"Elle, tell me what's wrong? What am I doing wrong?"

As he leans on the bridge railing next to me, I shrug. He wasn't doing anything wrong. I was the problem. I just wished everything would've been a simple answer, but it was complicated.

Sensing my silence and the inner war I had going on, he answered instead.

"It's Conner, isn't it?"

I didn't have the strength to say yes, knowing that if I did he would be gone. My Zac would be gone. And I'm afraid of that. I'm terrified to be honest.

I lost him once, I can't again.

I slightly nod at him as he bores a hole into the side of my head. My eyes didn't have the strength to look at his ocean like ones. I couldn't face the pain he was experiencing because of me.

"I-I guess this.." he managed to croak his voice somehow. This was hard for the both of us and the tension was growing stronger.

"I guess this is it then, huh?" he spat out.

I felt pain. A pain I only had when Zac hurt me. It made me think back to when we broke up the previous time.

I found out I was pregnant with his child. Zac wasn't so bothered about it but he promised me he would help me through it and that he wanted to have the baby with me even though we were sixteen. We were so prepared and getting everything ready. I thought I saw happiness and excitement in his eyes, but he managed to hide it away from me a lot. It seemed like he didn't care. And later he proved his statement:

One day I walked into his house and I hadn't told him I was coming over. We knew each other so well that we even had spare keys to each other's houses. We could talk things out so I went inside without knocking.

But when I walked in, I found almost a bare naked girl, named Ashley on top of Zac on the couch. They were both moaning and well.. into doing it.

The hormones were getting to me so I took a vase and threw them with it. Well could you blame me?

It was a smart move which made me run out, crying.

Since that day on words I ignored him completely but he would never leave my thoughts. Every time I saw him I was petrified. He hurt me so badly, that from all the stress and crying, I had a miscarriage. That was how it all ended.

It told him he was off the hook the one day after school and he tried to stop me, but I slapped him square across the face.

A heard somebody clicking his fingers in front of my eyes "Elle?" He patiently asked me.

"Hmm?"

"Are you still interested in us?" Was whispered.

I faced him as he was looking straight in front of him. The sadness that washed over his face was unbearable.

I took in every single, beautiful detail of him. I even smelled his pleasant after shave.

His nose twitched as he noticed I was staring at him. He looked into my green eyes.

In the moment everything froze. We told a million things to each other in one single gaze. Of course I was still interested in us. I wanted to be with him so badly. He were everything I wished for in a guy and nobody could replace what he meant to me.

"Let's just wait till Conner wakes up," I mumble while he takes my hand. He understood just as well as I did that it wasn't the right time. If it were, we would know.

"Well then, we better get going." he replies while nodding his head. His hand was drawn through his perfectly messy hair. He was perfection in his own way.

"I'll take you home," he drags me to his motorcycle by my hand.

The whole ride, which wasn't even five minutes made me long for his warmth. I held onto him so tightly. His toned torso was beneath my arms which held his waist.

I let my head rest on his back as the wind blew my chestnut hair. When he stopped at the abandoned stop street close to my house, he let go of the one handlebar and placed his hand over mine. I took that as a opportunity to ask him something I've been burning to ask.

I sit up straight and move closer to his ear, "Will you wait for me?"

I kept waiting for an answer, but he let go off my hand and proceeded riding down the road.

I felt rejected and hurt that he didn't say anything. How could he open up to me so suddenly and shut the door in my face?

He slows down on the brakes as my driveway comes into sight. I carefully let go of him and slip off of the bike. He held the motorcycle steady so that I didn't make both of us fall to the one side.

"Thank you for the ride," I smile at him while strutting towards the front door.

What took me to surprise was the fact that I got pulled back with force and landed into his hard chest.

"Uh," I moan as the impact hits the air out of my lungs.

"Sorry," he chuckles. I move a few inches back to hear what he has to say.

"Yes,"

"What do you mean, yes?" I reply confused as to what he was referring to.

"I will wait for you,"