Little Love Letters

Chapter sixteen

Little Love Letters

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Chapter sixteen

A million thoughts crossed my mind as I halt in front of the white door.

I don't have the strength to reach out and pull the handle down.

I'm scared. Terrified.

How could I even live with myself these days.

The silver handle creaked open as I pulled it and strutted in. The stuffed animal buried to my chest was comforting me quite a bit, which I was really grateful for.

There were so many questions and insecurities taped to my mind. I was almost like a walking encyclopedia, but one which only held sentences ending with question marks.

To say that I'm mad at Zac for abandoning me would be an understatement. I still held it against him. That's why I'm doubting myself.

I know we weren't ready and it was probably a huge step for him to take, but finding Ashley on top of him was worth his explanation.

Of course he told me that she only wanted to make me jealous and ruin my life, but how could I believe him?

I saw what I saw. And I don't doubt any second of the slap I gave him across the face.

He ruined me. When I finally decided to move on, he comes and complicates everything again.

But standing in front of a white body makes me doubt myself even more.

I knew my feelings for Zac were more, but I couldn't trust him with my heart.

While sighing, I moved closer to Conner, who was still in his same position as the first time I saw him in the hospital bed. My mind kept wondering about when he would wake up. What would I tell him.

I bend down sitting on the blue chair the nurses put next to his bed. Conner's breathing was very stable and as was his heartbeat.

The doctor said his wounds were healing and he was getting stronger, but nobody could tell when he would open up his eyelids. Everything seemed so complicated and having him in a coma made it even worse.

"Morning Conner," I motion with a sad smile. This was getting harder at the second, but I had to get it off my chest. "I have so many things to tell you, and I don't know where to begin."

My hand reached out toward his as I felt his cold skin. Goosebumps formed on my legs from the icy vibe he shot through me. "Well, let's start with I'm sorry. I don't even know if you can hear me, but I'm truly sorry for everything." The hospital became dead silent as no more nurses passed through the hallway. My breath hitched in my chest as I tried to think off the next thing to say. I couldn't tell him this way, but it would be better if I was cornered later.

"Zac and I.. We are kinda," my voice croaked.

"I don't want to choose between you, and I won't. If only you could listen to me." I shrug and play with my fingers. Conner showed no emotion as he was in deep sleep. I wonder what he could hear. Probably nothing.

"I wonder if he is going to wake up, too you know."

I turn around to see a grown woman standing with a business suit in the doorway. Mrs.Williams looked as beautiful and elegant as always. But both of us knew, underneath all the clothes and hair do's she had, she also had a heart. One which was aching just as much as mine.

I follow her with my eyes as she walks closer towards Conner and I. "How long did you stand there for?"

"A while," she places herself down on the bed next to Conner. "So you heard?" I felt my voice hitch in my throat as I asked. My hands were sweaty, and I knew I shouldn't get onto the wrong side of Mrs.Williams. I still remember how devious she was when I first met her. I began to question if she was just nice because of all the stress she received.

"I understand your dilemma, Elle." she said and crossed her hands over her lap. I blinked twice before absorbing what she said.

"Conner told me about your ex, and I knew it would just be a matter of time before he would be knocking on your door. Besides, look at you," she chuckles as she throws a hand gesture."Any guy would be happy to have you."

"Thank you Mrs. Williams."

She looks down,adjusting her tight skirt which shifted upwards. "Of course I don't want my son to have a broken heart, but follow yours. Follow your own path. Don't make the same mistake I did,"

I never expected her to open up to me. Even though I don't know so much, it felt like I was trusted by her.

"Conner's father and I were forced into marriage, well that's what they did in the old days." I saw a painful tear shimmering in the sunlight which caressed her face.

"I tried to make it work, but he cheated on me quite a few times. Obviously Kathy and Conner struggled during the divorce and I don't want you to do the same to your family."

"I-I'm terribly sorry. I didn't know." As innocent as I was, I looked down to my lap to avoid her eye contact.

"You don't have to be sorry, Elle. It's over now." She had walked closer to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Take care."

I nod as she leaves the room. I never thought Conner had such a painful childhood. He never mentioned his father, and it always bothered me. I would never be able to handle it if someone were to deceive anybody in my family, especially not my dad.

I took in the scenery around me as I was deep in thought. Of course the hospital smell was blinding, but all around the room were colorful cards and balloons. It made the atmosphere a lot better.

I made my way towards the small teddy bears stacked against the wall and placed mine in between them. There were stuffed animals ranging from elephants to tigers. He sure was loved.

One bear caught my attention immediately. It was a fluffy panda, which was almost half of my body size. Around its neck hanged a little get well soon card. I was really curious, and I knew it was disrespectful and invading of property, but I flipped it open to see what was inside.

It was like a mini heart attack slammed into me, as I caught sight of her name at the bottom. She even kissed the card to leave red lip marks.

Ashley had left the town after the Zac incident. She wasn't even in the same school as we were anymore.

Get well soon, babe. I can't wait to kiss your gawgeous lips again! Love you, always. Ashley.

It kept replaying in my mind, suffocating me with my own breathing. He always seemed so distant some days, and I even noticed the same color lipstick on his neck the other day.

I kept asking myself, how could he?