HER RULES ( SEASON 2)

EPISODE 38

SEASON 2

HER RULES

SOLELY WRITTEN BY EWATOMI ABIODUN

EPISODE 38

IMEN'S POV

"Can you forgive him for everything he has done?".

She let out a laugh in between tears as she wipes it away with her thumb." If I was asked this question three years ago, I don't think I would be able to say I forgive him because I couldn't even forgive myself. After we were told he was dead, I started researching methods on how to heal after abuse. And what did I read about first, over and over again? Forgiveness. I was told Forgiving the one who brought you harm will set you free. Forgiveness will prevent you from being bitter or resentful. You cannot fully heal without forgiving your abuser. Instead of me being happy, it made me angrier because I felt the forgiveness was focused on forgiving him for all he had done and was very much still doing and it only further traumatized me because I felt as though he was once again getting away with his crimes while I had to suck it up and "let it go." but how was I supposed to forgive someone who was knowingly and purposely inflicting pain?

It's so crazy how have always wished him dead and when he died, I wish he didn't. I wish he didn't because I thought he deserves to go through so much pain he has made me go through and I feel like, life gave him the simplest death. I cursed him every day that "may he rot in hell" and when we later found out he was not dead, I was so happy until the last moment I realized I never even wanted him dead in the first place. I just needed closure, I wanted him to apologize and since life gave him a second chance he would correct it not knowing my first wish has already been granted. Watching him gave up ghost in your arms made me discover the true meaning of forgiveness.

She paused and let out a breath before continuing.

I realized it wasn't even his fault in the first place. it was my fault because I gave him the go-ahead to continue to trample upon me over and over again. I realized I wasn't mad at him but mad at myself for putting up with it, for staying too long, for being weak, and being a doormat for him to walk all over. I had to first start working on myself by forgiving myself for all the crimes I believed were my doing but were never mine in the first place. I know if I didn't forgive myself, I would still be bitter and full of resentments. I then concluded that forgiveness isn't even for the abuser but the survivor. I kept asking myself the "What if's" What if I had died in the process? what if I had killed him in the process, would I be able to forgive myself?

I was holding onto so much hatred, pain, and resentment, that I was forgetting to live. By letting go of my hate and anger, I realized I can move on with my life. Yes, I forgave him because I know it would never happen again. I forgave him because I forgive myself. I forgave him, not because he deserved it but because I deserved it. I have forgiven him because how would I be able to look at Zeeshan and not see him? His blood runs through this vein and rather than look at my son full of resentment and anger, I wanted to look at him with happiness and joy that I am stronger than what I have been through, that I am worthy of myself and capable of being his mother. So Yes, I forgiven him and I wish he doesn't rot in hell " She stated making us both laugh.

It was then I realized my face was already wet with my tears.

" Thank you so much," I say and hug her.

We stayed in each other's arms like that for a while as we sobbed quietly.

" Zad, I hope you also forgive yourself and find forgiveness so you can be at peace," I say to myself as I close my eyes and hug her tightly.

**********************************************

Today is my birthday. I can't believe I am now twenty-four years old. How time flies. I was expecting to be wakened with birthday wishes, cakes, and balloons by my family but it seems today was different. I didn't even receive my regular birthday messages and wishes from my two best friends. Mum and dad didn't even come into my room to wish me as they always do every year. I sat down on my bed and checked my phone to see if I was going to see any messages but it was so dry. I was even more surprised my boyfriend didn't send me a single birthday wish.

This is half-past twelve and it seems this will be the worst birthday of my life because I refused to get out of my room until someone comes in and wish me but it seems I am going to wait forever. I got down from my bed angrily after crying a little bit.

If no one is going to wish me a happy birthday. I am going to wish myself. I consoled myself with that and head into the bathroom to brush my teeth ." Happy birthday, Imen" I say staring at my image in the mirror as I brush my teeth. After I was done, I came out of my room and decided to go out and see why my parents and Amanda didn't dim fit to wish me. You can call me petty but I am the type that loves celebrating birthdays a lot.

I would stay awake till midnight just to wish my family and friends. I never forget everyone's birthdays and I am sad it wasn't replicated back when it's my turn.

"They better have a good reason for doing this," I said to myself as I head towards the door. I left my room and head towards the living room.

Will you guys ignore the fact that today........... My sentence was cut short as I came face to face with the living room fully decorated with balloons. I was still trying to process that when a screen popped up on the wall. Different pictures of me when I was little start displaying one after the other as a slow music suddenly starts playing in the background. My pictures with Mom , dad, Zayed , Ikram, Amanda , Aayan , Zeeshan keeps slide-showing one after the other . The image stops after a while and another one popped up as a video starts playing and my mum shows up on the screen.

" Happy birthday day to my beautiful daughter. "Time just flies away. Just yesterday you were in my arms. Now you have stepped into the age where more happiness than disappoints and failures will be in your way. I want you to know mummy loves you and she is so proud of you. I love you so much baby " She says as tears slide down her face. Happy birthday, princess.

I let out a laugh as I cry. I love you too mum.

Another screen displayed and it was my dad.

" They say that men don't cry. I say that I cried when I saw your face for the first time, when you took your first steps and when I heard you calling me "Dad". No matter how big you become you will forever be my little princess. I love you honey, happy birthday!

Another screen displayed and it is my two best friends.

"For some people, it can be a piece of cake to differentiate the words of family and friends. But since you came into my life, you have become a part of my family whom I need everywhere in my life. I blessed the day we met. Thanks for being the sister I never had " I love you so so much ....." Ikram couldn't complete her sentence as she broke down into tears. Happy birthday, girlfriend!.

" You showed me the real meaning of friendship and being the best friend. You are my true strength in my life. I have managed to survive many hard moments and that is all because of you. I am very fortunate to have a best friend like you. When you are with me, I don't have any fear. You are my reason for joy and happiness. I love you until all the stars burn out in the sky. Happy birthday to my dimple Mimmy" Amanda stated.

I was a crying mess already as I watched my loved ones make birthday video wishes for me.

Another screen is displayed and it's my Godson (Zeeshan).

Happy birthday second Mummy. Thanks for always buying me chocolate when my mum refuses. Thanks for always reading me my bed storytime. I love you, Muah! " He blows me kisses making me laugh.

Another screen popped up and it is Norbet.

" You're genuinely one of the kindest people I know and I'm wishing nothing but the very best for you today! Happy birthday to the best girlfriend a guy could have! I'm so lucky to have such an awesome person like you in my life! I'm wishing you all the happiness that your heart can hold today on your birthday. Love you!

I was expecting another screen to show the love of my life wishing me a happy birthday but it seems that was where it ended.

" Babe" I heard him call my name.

I quickly turn around as another set of beautiful lights was switched on blinding me for a while. I opened my eyes as I adjusted to the light and was surprised to see the love of my life on one of his knees.

TBC........................................

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