Darkness: The Life Beyond

Chapter. 15

The next morning I woke up after that shit show last night, and still have the markings on my arms but nobody has seen them which is good because I hope nobody does.

I also need to go to school again as I remembered today is Monday and I have a test which I didn't study for so in hopes that I pass I'll have to do some quick studying. Because if I don't my parents are going to be on my case and I'm not in the mood to be annoyed.

So I am getting ready for school, brush my teeth, putting on my clothes, eating breakfast, and washing my face.

Now that I've left I began counting my footsteps to my school, as that's what I do every day due to my OCD also it's because it helps soothe my obsessive rumination. And I'll be completely honest, I wasn't in the mood for school today as I barely got any sleep and was very drowsy.

The first period started and the teacher forgot about the homework assignment that was assigned to complete during the weekend, but Jonathan reminded the teacher that most of my classmates forgot about it so they got zeros as he doesn't accept late work.

I didn't think so I was chilling, I never forget to turn in homework even if I have a very bad and strong habit of procrastinating, as I'm also a straight A student in AP classes.

The first period was finally over and I'm free from the boring lecture I sat through for thirty minutes. I haven't talked to anyone in a while since I moved schools and am no longer friends with Ava, it sucks that you eventually lose people you care about; I walked to my second-period class, avoiding as many people as possible since I get bad anxiety in social situations.

The second period started and it was just as boring as the first except there wasn't any homework assigned although we had a quiz to do, which I studied for of course, because I'm always on my A-game.

This repeated for the rest of the school periods.

I got home and realized that I'm progressively getting better mentally as I'm not in such a negative mindset as I was a few days ago, which made me feel very happy, because I haven't felt this way in a long time.

After some realization I went to take a nap as I usually do when I get home from school, I'll do my homework after I wake up; typically I'd take a nap to sleep my problems away or if something's bothering me.

I woke up from my nap which was around three hours and went downstairs to get some food as I only ate breakfast today and was very hungry, and thirsty. As I'm heading downstairs and to the refrigerator, I saw Shane downstairs at the dinner table doing his homework which I can assume my mom made him sit there and do it.

"Hey," I said.

"What's up?" My brother replied.

"Nothing, just grabbing something to eat, how about you? How was school today?"

"It was alright, we just watched documentaries and did some class work."

"How about you? How was twelfth grade today?"

"It was insanely boring, to the point I could be more entertained looking up at the gray cloudy sky."

"That sounds gloomy."

"Why's that?"

"Just doing nothing but staring at the gray sky contemplating and reminiscing on life doesn't sound gloomy?"

"Well if you put it that way it does, I'm going back to my room-"

"Your dark and cold room? Honestly, why do you never have a light on in there?"

"Because I like it better with the lights out, anyways I'll see you later."

"See ya."

"I'm going to finish watching the squid game."

"I heard that the show is really good," Shane said.

"I'm loving it thus far."

"Have you seen it?" I asked.

"Yea I started watching it, I'm on episode four," Shane said.

"That's what's up, alright I'll see you later," I said as I dismissed our short conversation to head upstairs.

Roughly four hours later I decided to do some online shopping because I was bored and that's usually what I do when I have nothing to do.

So as I was scrolling through Amazon I saw some nice hoodies, sweatpants, and t-shirts that sparked my interest, and purchased them.

As I continued to scroll I saw a galaxy projector which is what I've been wanting so bad lately so I bought it.

A few days later all the stuff I ordered came in which I was excited to get especially my galaxy projector, as I can look up at night and imagine myself laying outside looking at the colorful and beautiful galaxy that lies above and beyond all areas of our planet.

It gets you contemplating how beautiful life is, the planet, starry sky, galaxy, and more.

And with all that captivating, comes the great things about life, long walks on the beach barefoot, eating your favorite foods, taking in the appeal of sunrises and sunsets, showering at night when it's quiet, airplane rides at night, and looking at the moon and starry sky while flying above the clouds, and so much more.

The sad part is that depression especially on my degree can make you forget about all of that and focus on the bad things in life and completely dissect all the happy and good memories from your brain until you forget it all and are left with all your painful, sorrowful, despondent, doleful, regretful memories then you're left with your melancholic mood for months at a time.

This in turn makes this all the sadder as people (and myself) who deal with depression ordinarily deal with it on their own, as they sit alone in their rooms reminiscing on past events wondering where it all went wrong. Hurting so much deep down inside ontologically debating themselves if they should end it all or self-injure so they can feel any sort of emotion other than what they're feeling right now.

This then leads to poor hygiene, sitting in their room all day, not feeling happy, and losing pleasure in things they once enjoyed, which is commonly mistaken for laziness.

All I ever wanted was to feel genuinely loved by my parents.

And here I thought I was getting better.