What do Legendaries get up to?

{REQUEST} kyurem punches rayquaza in the face and poipole is a bat

there really wasn't anything else to title this chapter tbh

i'll rewrite this in the future if you dislike it, don't be afraid to tell me i won't be offended or shit

also holy shit thank you for 20k???

will be doing that other request about arceus looking for vacation ideas too :)

***

Kyurem: you know what fuck this
Zekrom; you literally just woke up
Genesect: i think he's finally given up on life
Kyurem: yes because i keep paying for the kitchen to be rebuilt because thAT StUPId TERrAkioN keEPs DeSTRoyInG iT
Terrakion: i already told you, i'm saving you from keldeo's cooking
Kyurem: KELDEOS COOKING ISNT ALL THAT BAD
*everyone gasps, including keldeo*
Keldeo: you liked my soup????
Reshiram: it was more of wood planks in hot water if you ask me
Zekrom: nah, more like bricks than wood planks
Reshiram: wood planks
Zekrom; bricks
Reshiram: WOOD PLANKS
Zekrom: BRICKS
Reshiram: KYUREM TELL HIM ITS WOOD PL-

*kyurem isn't around anymore*

Reshiram: ...
Zekrom: ...
Keldeo: you see, it was actually blocks of steel
Genesect: god you're turning into meltan
Keldeo: and you know where i got that metal from?
*everyone looks at genesect*
Genesect: ...
Reshiram: ...
Zekrom: ...
Keldeo: cobalion.
*screams are heard from inside*
Kyurem: SHUT UP
Cobalion: IVE BEEN USES FOR SOUP I CANT SHUT UP

*kyurem goes to check on the forces of nature to call himself down*

Kyurem: now you three, how is life?
Landorus: i was playing poker with groudon yesterday
Kyurem: you little shit
Landorus: what's wrong with it???
Kyurem: me and rayquaza's meeting last time didn't go well

*flashbacks to rayquaza t-posing over a crying kyurem*

Tornadus: i- i feel like-
Thundurus: OH NO
Landorus: AAAAAA
Kyurem: like what? sneezing?
*tornadus sneezes and a tornado is formed near dodge city*
Thundurus: time to update the list of how many days without tornadoes
Kyurem: WHAT
Tornadus: everytime i sneeze, a tornado starts somewhere in the world
Kyurem: ...
Kyurem: i hate this

*so after kyurem gets royally pissed, he goes on a rampage and ends up in hoenn*

Deoxys: taking mewtwo's spoon was not a good idea
Jirachi; we all know what happened last time
Rayquaza: ok first of all, you weren't even there, and second of all-
*kyurem busts through door... or clouds i guess*
Rayquaza: ...
Jirachi: ...
Deoxys: ...
Kyurem: ...
Rayquaza: how tf did you get up here you can't fly
Kyurem: fuck you i learnt fly somehow *prepares an ice punch*
Rayquaza: AYO YOU CANT LEARN ICE PUNCH
Deoxys: he cant what-
Kyurem: FUCK YOU IM A HACKED MON
Jirachi: top 10 anime plot twists

*and so kyurem punches rayquaza square in the face and due to it being 4x effective rayquaza is lying on the floor. unconscious*

Deoxys: ...
Jirachi: ...
Kyurem: that felt good. i feel better now
Deoxys: ...
Jirachi: ...
Kyurem: anyways, i'll be leaving

*kyurem descends to earth*

Deoxys: should i call an ambulance
Jirachi: we're in space, so either arceus is going to appear and break rayquaza's spine or we go to earth
Deoxys: first option seems good to me

***

Poipole: hey guys i learnt something the other day
Necrozma: what? that you're obsessed in uwu's and owo's?
Solgaleo: hey did you see the news about arceus breaking rayquaza's spine-
Poipole: naganadel and melmetal are two pokémon ash owns uwu
Koko: fuck that kid i already spent one week with him and that was hell
Necrozma: i feel sorry for you, melmetal
Naganadel: and not me?
Necrozma: i would never feel sorry for an ultra beast
Lunala: YOU INVITED THEM HERE GOD DAMMIT
Necrozma: and i soon learnt how much of a fucking mistake it was

Solgaleo: why do you feel sorry for MELMETAL?? he literally kidnapped me
Magearna: hey i found a dead bisharp in the basement
Lunala: NEBBY NO
Solgaleo: actually that was probably meltan
*the door bell goes off*
Lunala: necrozma go get it and i'll get my bisharp corpse
Necrozma: what the fuck that escalated
Necrozma: and no

*koko opens the door*
Ash: hi
*koko closes the door*
Solgaleo: who was it
Koko: no one
*ash at the window, waving inside*
Koko: *closes the curtains* absolutely no one

*solgaleo lets him in*

Ash: poipole i need a baseball bat
Necrozma: is that why you're here??
Ash: yes
Poipole: why ask me tho
Ash: you have baseball bat like features
Solgaleo: so you're gonna use poipole as a bat
Ash: absolutely

*ash picks up poipole by the stick thing on his head*

Poipole: this makes me feel dizzy
Ash: you haven't even been hit with a ball yet
Koko: hehe i have some balls
Necrozma: koko if this was the group chat i would have banned you
Koko: HOE IM THE OWNER OF THE GROUP CHAT YOU CANT BAN ME
Ash: adios this is my new bat
Naganadel: BRING HIM BACK HOME BY 7PM
Necrozma: i'd rather you kept him honestly

***

this is a lazy chapter. i just wanted to upload something. it may seemed rushed, which it is, but i swear the next one will be better

i just don't want you to all think i'm dead :)

anyways. adios i promise my humour will return-