Don't Test Me

Chapter 20

I woke up the next morning naked except for the brace on my wrist. Seth had kissed my lips as he headed out the door, "Sorry baby, it's an early morning for us today and everyday this week. We've got to get the crop in before it rains." I nodded, "Ok, your mom and I will figure out lunch."

"I love when you bring me lunch on the tractor." He confessed. I chuckled, "Good, because I kind of like bringing it to you." He kissed me again before he headed out the door. I rolled over and nodded off again in his pillow.

I woke up just past 8am. Seth had left me a pot of coffee when I got out to the kitchen. It was a marvelous sight. I poured a cup and looked out the big picture window across the driveway of the yard. It was a beautiful sight with the morning sun. I noticed Judy was out with Rex at the tree line picking up some garbage that came off the road. When we saw each other I waved at her and beckoned her to come in. She and Rex made their way to the trailer and came in.

"Hey Margot, how are you this morning?" she asked as she kicked her rubber boots off. Rex didn't come in this morning, apparently he wanted to stay outside and snuggle up in a sunbeam.

I smiled, "I'm pretty good. Just getting organized for the day." I poured her a mug of coffee and passed it across the kitchen table.

She took it and studied me for a minute, "I thought you went home yesterday. I saw you pull out of the driveway before supper time."

I looked around the kitchen, trying hard not to make eye contact with Judy. She didn't say a word, just waited for me to speak. I took a deep breath, "Yeah, I did actually. I went home because I didn't want to wear out my welcome out here."

Judy nodded, "I understand. I was the same way when I first met Chris." I looked up at her face. I wasn't expecting her to suggest that.

She took a sip of her coffee, "Let's go outside and have a smoke. I have a long story to tell you. I think it might make you feel a bit better."

I nodded and followed her outside to the lawn chairs around the fire pit. Judy and I lit up before we sat down with our coffee mugs. She took a deep inhale of her cigarette and exhaled slowly, "See, when I left the city, I needed a new start. There was a reason I needed one. I'd been living with a guy for a while, about two years. He wasn't a good guy. He liked to hit when he got mad, sometimes he would do other things when he was mad too. Anyway, I got pregnant of course. It was bound to happen because I was young and I wasn't protecting myself."

I listened intently. She paused for a moment to take a sip of her coffee, I inhaled my smoke slowly. Judy continued, "When I told him, he kicked me out of our place. He wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. So I went back home. My parents were very upset with me, they didn't like him in the first place and now I was back home, unwed and pregnant. It was a different time then, there was still a lot of shame around that. My mother took it worse then my dad, I'm still not sure why."

"That must have been rough, Judy." I offered. She nodded, "It wasn't a great time in my life. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy and I gave him up for adoption. It was a hard decision, but I wasn't in a good place to take care of a child when I was that young. He deserved more then I could give him, and I loved him too much to deny him that. So after I gave him up I needed a new start so took out a provincial map, closed my eyes and pointed to a spot and I ended up here. I met Chris a few months after I moved here and that was the it. He knows all about my son, so does Seth. I've never met him; it was a closed adoption but I hope he is happy."

As I listened to her story, it broke my heart. Judy had been through her own trials and tribulations. She'd made tough choices that made her life better and worse at the same time. She offered me a small smile, "I just want you to know that it's ok to be haunted. I know what that's like and it doesn't mean you don't deserve something great. I wanted to run away from Chris at first too. I almost moved out of town after we started to get serious, I was worried I would get caught again. But he talked me out of it, and it was the best decision of my life. It's ok, Margot, I get it. I really do."

"I appreciate you sharing your story with me Judy. It's nice to know you understand." I told her. She nodded. I decided to offer her a bit of my story, "My mother, Lesley has been trying to get in touch with me for the last while to reconnect. I've been avoiding her, but I don't think she's going to go away."

Judy crushed out her cigarette in the fire pit and leaned back in her chair, "What do you want to do?"

I shrugged, "I'm not sure really. I don't consider her my mom. I took care of her more then she ever took care of me. Lesley was so caught up in her own depression, it was like I was an afterthought if I was even a thought at all."

"I never met your mother. Only your dad." She offered.

I nodded, "Yeah, he was better. He drank too much though. After he died, she couldn't hold it anymore. Honestly I should have been removed by social services but I guess our situation just wasn't bad enough."

Judy stared into my face, "You've done so well, Margot. I'm proud of you." I stared back at her, I wasn't sure how to take that. No one had ever said they were proud of me before I met the Walker's. No one had ever been proud of me in my life. I couldn't stop a smile from crossing my lips. She smiled back at me.

"You do what you need to do about Lesley. We are here either way, this family isn't going anywhere so you may as well get used to us." She told me. I nodded, I didn't have the words to return her kind words.

She stood up and stretched her back, "Alright, I'm going to make some meat buns for lunch for our men. Come up to the house in a couple of hours and we will make some lemonade and veggie snacks alright?"

I took Judy's mug before she reached over and hugged me. I didn't return it, but I did lean into her. She was so lovely, not pushy or demanding. I liked Judy Walker, she was a nice woman. She and Rex crossed the yard back to their house, I stared after them for a moment. For the first time in my life I considered that maybe, for once in my life, I was right where I was supposed to be with the people I was meant to be with.