Don't Test Me

Chapter 19

Soon Sunday rolled around, and I had stayed the entire weekend out at Seth's place. I'm not sure how it happened but it did. He took me out on the side by side instead of the quad and drove me all over the place. We went out to his family's back forty and went hunting for frogs. He showed me some of his favorite spots growing up. We toured around some old bins and yards on the property, he even took me to his family's original homestead which was pretty far out. There was nothing left but the old foundation and three wooden bins but it was pretty cool. In the cement there were some hand prints, he wasn't sure who they belonged to but he suspected it was his great-great grandfather and grandmother.

Seth went out during the days to work with his dad. That's when Judy would come over to the trailer and hang out with me. Often Rex would come too, though he only stayed in the kitchen. She and I would make coffee and chat. At lunch time we could prepare a meal and take it out to the fields they were in. Judy liked to take the old Chevy truck with the broken seat belts, which made me a bit nervous but I pretended it didn't. She would lay on the horn when we would pull up beside the tractor and Chris or Seth would stop, turn it off, jump down and come eat. It was a family affair, and I felt like I was becoming a part of it.

For supper, I would have something ready for 6pm sharp, Seth never kept me waiting. He would come in, take off his hat and boots by the door and wash his hands before he sat down. We would eat together and then watch TV or play Halo, whichever was more interesting at the time. At night we would make love. It stopped being sex at some point over the weekend and became something more. Something changed on Friday night between us. Luckily, he didn't force me to talk about it, he just let it happen.

When late Sunday afternoon rolled around I started to put my stuff away in my duffle bag. I texted Seth that his supper was in the microwave and that I was going home. I told him thanks for a good weekend and I'd see him later. I loaded up my car and left the yard to head back to town. As I drove, I felt a rock form in the pit of my stomach. My body wanted to turn around and drive back to the farm, but my head said no. I had to go home at some point. I couldn't just stay out there all the time, what would that accomplish? I wasn't about to be a clingy girlfriend who didn't know when to leave. I wanted to go before he got sick of me.

My phone went off but I ignored it, turning up the music as I drove. The gravel roads didn't feel as foreign as they had the first time I drove out there. As I approached town I found myself frowning, because I didn't really want to go home. I shook my head and forced those silly thoughts out of my head as I parked in my drive way. I went inside my house, I realized it smelled different. It smelled like my place of course, but it didn't smell like Seth which made me a bit sad. I looked down at my phone, the flashing blue light indicated I had a message, I forced myself to read it. Of course it was from Seth, 'Do you really have to go home?'

I replied quickly, 'Yep.' It wasn't true, I wanted to drive back out there and be with him but I had to stop myself. I wanted to maintain my independence. I didn't want to get too used to him. I threw in a load of laundry and took out a frozen Hungry Man Dinner for supper. My phone dinged again, 'Ok, whatever you need baby. I'll miss you. Have a good night.'

I put the meal in my microwave and watched it spin around slowly. I replied, 'Cool, TTYL.' I was such an asshole. There I was in my house, and I didn't want to be there. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to sleep next to him and night and wake up with him in the morning. I liked spending time with him each day. Why was I trying so hard to push him away? I hated that, why didn't I just tell him how I felt? Why didn't I just stay? I knew why, because I never had anyone in my life who wanted to stay. I'd become so used to neglect that warmth and love was suspicious to me. I decided I had to call in a friend for this one, but not Dana. She didn't know me well enough for that.