Monster 🔞

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(Ok guys, there is no smut 😅 but still put warning because of kinda heavy content. Be aware of it)

*****

I leave police department as soon as possible not to hear my name desperately called by Yibo. I can't, I shouldn't feel sorry for him, my biggest mistake...my biggest sin was having feelings for him and now I'm paying...with most painful way. How foolish from me thinking love can always win, although every circumstances. life just keeps proving me wrong again and again. I get in the taxi and lean my head back, closing my eyes. How I wish to fall asleep, to stop thinking and suffering, even just for a second or forever, it doesn't matter I don't mind anymore. Just...I want my early childhood back, the only part of my life when I was truly happy and carefree, being sure everyone around is full of kindness and love. How naive we all are before facing the real world. I should never... I shouldn't meet him or Yang Zi, Huai Sang's death too... I was huge part of it. No it's better if I wasn't born at all, who did I bring happiness to? Only pain...only death, my life wasn't and isn't worth especially now"

"Young man" driver's voice wakes me up from thoughts and I wipe tears, trying to smile. 

"What is it uncle?"

"are you feeling well? Just...you look too pale, can I help with something?"

"I'm just..." His sincere care makes me to sob out loudly and try to control my shaking hands "all alone, I'm left all alone uncle. the ones I love... some abandoned me, some got hurt because of me and...some I pushed back by myself, cause love was too strong it made me hate myself. I talk too much no? so hard to stay quiet when it hurts too much" he stops car at crematorium and turns to me

"Be strong, after all bad...life sometimes gives us nice gifts too, wait for it and don't give up" I nod and suddenly remember I'm still wearing new clothes bought by Yibo and have nothing with me. I'm about to apologize and call aunt when still touch my pocket and feel there is something inside. I find money with mom's latter and painfully smile realizing Yibo put it in before giving to me "no need for money, you can get off dear"

"but..."

"every person should do even one kind act everyday, so sleep gonna be sweet and peaceful. I'll consider it was you, my mission for today" he smiles and I feel warmth by fact kind ones still exist in this world

"Thank you so much uncle, god bless you" I get off from taxi and reached at the door someone catches my wrist. stranger gives paper to me and I look down at it, already guessing the content "I share your grief Zhan and trust me it won't be your last loss if you won't come to me by yourself. absolutely everyone around you...one by one, I'll kill them until no one is left anymore. and first one, you know very well who is going to be" I read and throw it down, crushing with my leg "tell him i'll, I was going to anyway. just after saying last goodbye to my mother"

"I understand" he nods and walks away. I deeply breath in and enter the building, aunt shows me the way and my legs weakens realizing she really is leaving now forever. aunt hugs my shoulders and we stand together in front of the incinerator. I touch mom's hand for the last time and pet her forehead until her body is brought in and turn back knowing I can't handle watching her disappearing in the fire

"My dear" aunt pets my hair and I hold her hands, I don't know how my expression looks now but she gets startled "your eyes...is too empty, it's first time I see you like this Zhan"

"Aunt, I need to go now. You take mom's ashes please, I trust you with this"

"But where..." she asks but I shake my head "please just listen to me. If... I won't come back, scatter it at mom's favorite place. The one we're often visiting when dad still was with us, you know"

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