Anxiety

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Passing through the guards, I almost run to the entrance. New maid, who has "don't care at all" face almost dumps into me at the door and gives doubtful expression.

"Is Yibo inside? Is he ok?"

"Who are you? why I have to answer?" no wonder, he was hired by Mr Wang

"As long as guards let me to come in, don't think it's your business anymore who am I" having no strength and mood to bicker with someone I just make my way in and walk towards kitchen, guessing he is there.  Yibo is sitting at the table, holding teapot and pouring water from it but... boiling liquid is spilled on his another hand instead of cup and I call loudly, running to him. The moment I touch his hand Yibo looks up at me and snatches it back, first time after knowing him I can't read any expression on his face, what have you done Zhan?

"Yibo, it's burnt, let me..."

"It doesn't hurt, and don't think you should care" he says coldly and I sit down knowing how painful it's on my experience, as before he locks himself in, are we back to that time, being strangers? I notice Yibo is wearing same clothes and seems like he didn't sleep at all last night "why are you here Zhan?"

"Did you see... do you know?"

"I do"

"I just...want to tell you, it wasn't your..."

"My fault?  Sure it wasn't, it's none of my business"

"Yibo"

"maybe I feel just disappointed, being friend with someone this weak? after very first difficulty in his life, he decided to kill himself? like everyone is happy around us. people like that...no need to worry about them"

"I know you aren't serious, I know you acting like don't care at all but...inside your heart"

"You know nothing Zhan, I thought at least you knew my heart but guess not, you left... when I needed you the most but, it's my fault, having too much illusions. now, I just want you to leave" he suddenly says and points his finger to the stairs, noticing luggage I turn to him again and Yibo avoids my stare "I'm freeing you"

"What?"

"It took long time but finally I'm doing what you're willing, I'm letting you go"

"You can't" I grab his wrist and almost yell, maybe I was willing before but now... "look at me and say it again, who give you right? to throw me out like this? I won't... no matter what you do I won't, I'll come back again"

"why? after all the things, what you told me last night why?" he gets up and turns back "get out, just fucking leave" 

"I didn't mean it, I was just..." knowing it won't change anything I stop talking and take luggage, first time I feel like he truly hates me and it hurts, it hurts like hell. didn't I made him to feel the same? on every step I take towards the door, hope he says something, he stops me but... "Huai Sang told me, he didn't blame you, he wasn't upset about you before leaving, he was willing to let you know. and...that night, I know truth already" I'm about to open the door when he roughly grabs my wrist and pushes me at the wall, Yibo's face shakes from the pain and anger, no softness in his eyes anymore

"I don't want to listen, why did you have to say? why..." his fist hits the wall with all strength and I gasp "I want to go back, to that time I didn't know you, I want to erase absolutely everything from my memory related to you, my life...only now I realize how easy it was before meeting you...you're suffocating me"

"how can you, do you dare to blame me for everything? no matter how much you're suffering now, you still have no right. I was just fine but you destroyed everything and now... I'm addicted to you, I carry your vision with me, always...I... I was wrong too but"

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