Worthy Of An Idol | JJK X OC ✔️

37. Back to Square One But With Support

19/11/21

Well, it's been a little over a couple weeks, and the crowd has not died down around my place of work. And, we all honestly don't know when any of this commotion will die down.

Ever since Jungkook agreed with me to take a break from our relationship, BigHit has released a statement that the person he was seen in the images leaked were of a close friend, which at this point, is not a lie.

But, of course, both fans and antis are not convinced. There are still many people, mainly media, showing up at the law firm, hoping to get a glimpse of me and at best, bombard me with questions.

After long discussions with the company, I decided to resign. Besides suggesting a break with Jungkook, leaving my position at the law firm was the most difficult decision I had ever made.

Of course, my boss gave me all sorts of options, but understood my final decision, since I voiced how I didn't feel safe being around the premises anymore. And, because of the abnormal circumstances having caused me to leave abruptly, the CEO offered me severance pay. She did tell me that, given the circumstances of my unexpected resignation, I would still have a good standing with the company and that I'm always welcome to come back in the future. I actually find that comforting.

But, as much as I loved my job, maybe it's time for me to try something new.

When it was announced that I was resigning, an opportunity presented itself. Beth had called me telling me she heard about me leaving the company. She said she was devastated to hear the news but then she thought about me regarding an opening at her husband's advertising company.

In the past, I have shared to Beth how I double majored in business and art. Back when I was freshly out of college and looking for jobs, I came across the position in administration and landed the job. I worked my way up and became a paralegal.

I did dream of a profession in the creative field, but never thought I'd excel.

Now, Beth has presented me with a position as a junior graphic designer at the advertising agency her husband works for as head of the graphic design team.

I've been a paralegal for so long and don't have any work experience in graphic design and I even expressed that to Beth. I told her I might not be what they're looking for.

She encouraged me to at least try and apply. So, I'm doing so, and not only that, but I'm also going to look into other jobs where I can put my creativity into use. Thankfully I've kept a portfolio of work I've done when I was in college as well as some freelance album artwork I've done for local musicians Melina has connected me with.

This might be a good change for me.

As far as Jungkook and I go, we have remained 'friends.' We still communicate with each other like we usually do, me in LA, and him in Seoul. We are so used to our time zones that communication and reaching one another has become easy for us.

I try to keep text and phone conversations platonic but Jungkook makes it so difficult sometimes. Though, I can't blame him. We both really do care for each other. And, although he doesn't know it, I love him so much. He still constantly reminds me that he loves me and there have been times I almost said it back.

Why am I hesitant about saying those words back to him? Is it because I'm not sure?

Oh, I'm sure I love him. But, I'm also scared that all the obstacles that we have to go through might not make me strong enough to keep this going. I don't want to break his heart.

My mental health has declined since the media hit with the pictures of Jungkook and I being leaked. And, as much as I want to put Jungkook and our love on the forefront, I need to focus on myself, first. Which I am, by going to see my therapist. And, also embracing more of the stuff I love, now that I have more free time. I've been going to my usual kick boxing classes, going out for runs, and just doing all I can to stay physically active. I've also allowed myself to paint more and hone in on my digital art.