Life Through A Lens

Day One

I wait at the check in at the airport of Ian to arrive. It was time for this family bbq of his. I had flown early hours of this morning to get her to fly to Louisiana where his parents lived. I was kind of nervous not because of meeting his family or lying to them more for Ian to be around his father. Last time he was there he came home with a black eye. I didn't want the same to happen this time. 

I was still trying to compute how a father could do that to their child. My dad was the best and the more i know about Ian's father the more greatful I am for the one I had. My dad was caring and loving. He taught me how I should be treated by a man and what love was. People say your father is the first man to break your heart, my dad wasn't and I didn't realise how many people actually related to that quote until venturing out into the world without my dad. 

I spot Ian come through the doors and I smile at him slipping my sunnies on my head holding my hair back. I wheel the trolly with my cases over to him and he smiled at me still with the worried look he gave me when we facetimes yesterday. "It'll be fine." I tell him.

We check in and go through sercurity before heading the the VIP lounge to avoid fans and stuff taking photos whilst we tried to be subtle about the whole ordeal. "How have you been?" Ian asked me when I sat down with my coffee. "Fine." "Really?" "I mean sure." I said not really knowing what to say. I was still grieving the death of my mother. It had been a month since her passing and it hasn't gotten any easier. Every day I wake up and theres still a hole in my heart and an ache because I miss her so much. 

I missed her voice, I missed her wake up song she'd sing to me in the morning. I missed our cuddles on the sofa in the evenings when I didn't have work. I missed everything about her, that made her my mum and it was so hard to even get out of bed knowing I'd go downstairs to nothing. Chase was still staying with Logan but I had responsibilties at the house such as my animals so I didn't have the luxtury of shutting the front door and walking aways pretending as if it didn't exsist. 

I had been making arrangments to get my three horses flown to the stables in Gorgia so they're not alone. The stables have workers so they'll be tended to and looked after properly. And then there was my baby boy Tate. I had to make the descion to leave him behind at home or risk getting him on a flight to travel with me or I leave him with my sisters in England. I've had him since I was 6 so he was getting old now he was around 13 years old and I was worried letting him fly could cut his life down massivley because of the stress of flying. As well as the vets saying it wouldn't be good for him. Despite how hard it was I knew I had to say good bye to him yet again. I just really didn't want to this time. 

Tate had beent here through everything, my dads death, sleepless nights, exams, shoots, auditions and I needed him to get through this my mums death was hard. I thought I'd just wake up after the funeral and feel fine but with out the drugs and drink it was hard for me to even contiplate what fine would be life one day. Going through losing another parent made me remember why I went down the path I did when I lost my father. But I made promises I intend to keep. I may drink the odd bottle of wine but I'm still in control. I'm not an addict and I shouldn't treat myself like I'm one. 

"You know I'm there for you Iza." "I know, I just don't want to talk right now... this trip is about you." I say softly looking up from my mug of coffee. "Don't remind me." "It's going to be fine... and if it goes south we leave... I feel sick and we have to go home." I tell him giving him an out. "Can you be sick from now so we can miss our flight and chill at the stables with Egal for the week." "I could... but we're going to at least try E." He nodded.

"Also I'm staying with you for the first two weeks of filming that cool?" I dropped in casually bearing in mind we start filming in about a week and a half. We're going to this family thing and then Flying back here to go film for the next few months. "Yeah, I assumed so because your box of crap got to delivered to my house yeasterday." I laughed. "Love how you dind't even call to ask why. You just assumed." "Well you're either staying with me. Or the Wesley's Or Nina and Chris." "Exactly and i'd rather not being in the middle of lovey dovey crap or Lovers tiffs." I say and he just smiled at me.