Shielding You From Sorrow♡

Chapter 07

Dying Inside

Lili's POV

Not seeing Jennie Kim for a day is like a hell. I used to see her gummy smile. I used to have her around.

She doesn't want to see me anymore.

I fetched chaeyoung-ah and bring her here in my apartment yesterday. We talked about everything that happened that night.

I sighed in relief knowing that Jennie and rosé is okay, they didn't fought that long and forgave each other.

I hope Jennie will forgive me too. I said to myself as loneliness and overthinking embraced me.

What  have you done lalisa. I repeatedly asked myself.

Days had passed since that incident. I rarely eat because I lost my appetite.

Jisoo unnie calling me every now and then to check if I'm okay. And I'll just answered I'm fine even though I'm not really fine.

I am dying Inside. Dying Inside for not having Jennie by my side. I am so fvcked up. I think I lost everything.

Not having Jennie is like dying, breathing without air. How can I continue? Jennie is my charger when everytime I'm drained. She always fill me when everytime I feel empty.

For the past few days I only stayed in my apartment, not eating anything and crying. I always cry everytime I heard jennie Kim's voice in my head. I cried when her hurtful words popped up in my mind, piercing my heart like a dagger that causes my heart to shattered into pieces.

I stopped thinking when chaeyoung entered my apartment.

"Yah lisa-yah get up and fix yourself please. Your world doesn't rotating only to her. You have friends and family". Chae said begging. " I'm sorry. You're right chae. My world doesn't rotating only to her". I said." I'll just take a bath. Wait me here cheong-ah". I continued and started walking.

" Aiiiishhh your mood swings Lisa-yah". She said and I just continue walking.

I went to my room and take a quick shower. After I got out chaeyoung was there. Looking at me with questioning look.

"I prepared you sandwiches eat it". She said while she's in her phone.

" Looks like someone is in a relationship". I teased. " What ever monkey". She said smiling.

" Chae?". I asked. " Hmmmmm". She just answered in hummm. " You told me that Jennie's going outside every night without telling. Right?". I asked with furrowed eyebrows. " Hmmm she always went out without telling us". She said.

I don't want to be a useless person anymore. I'll get myself back again, I'll fix myself and protect nini.

I will follow her secretly.

"Eat before you go out. Make sure to be safe". Chae said still busy. " Okay mommy". I said smiling and started eating the sandwich. "Mommy my ass". She said rolling her eyes.

"Thank you chae. For always being there with me when no one else was, thank you for believing and trusting me when no one else did. JUNGMAL KAMSA". I said and do the finger heart. " It's nothing Lisa just buy me foods and now we're quits". She said smirking. " Aiiiiishhhh arasseo arasseo". I said smiling.

" Wait. Where are you going". Chae asked. " Just go outside and find myself. I think I lost it somewhere else". I said smiling.

"Here we go again. Come home again with bruise. Find yourself or find someone who you wanted to fight with?". Chae said shaking her head.

"Chae I just wanted to protect jennie. That jerk is up to something". I said while chewing my sandwich. "what do you mean?". She asked curiously. "He's a jerk". I said clenching my teeth.

After we ate cheong-ah went back to the dorm.
I left my apartment wearing a black cap and a black mask trying to cover up my identity.

I will do this for my nini, even though I'm dying Inside. I will still get myself up and protect her.

I go out and went near our dorm. I'm waiting jennie to come out because chaesoo said she always leave the dorm. What are you doing Jen you're not in your old self.

After a minute of waiting I saw Jennie leaving the dorm silently.

She started to walk and I followed her keeping our distance cause she might notice me.

Jennie Kim went to a park, she sat in a swing maybe waiting for her jerk boyfriend to come.

Jennie wait there for almost 30 minutes before her jerk and stupid boyfriend come.

I looked away.

She kissed gavin.

I'm hurting.

It's just a peck but I'm hurt, I'm hurt seeing that scenery.

They talked and Laugh at each other.

I couldn't hear anything because I'm far away from them. They both eat and have fun.

I clenched my fist trying to hold my tears.

That should be me, I utter to myself.

After a while Jennie decided to go home, I followed her again and make sure that she'll go home safe.

I went back to that park and followed Gavin.

I followed him until he arrives at a bar. He ordered something and bring something in his pocket. And I think it's drugs.

I took out my phone and captured it.

After a minute he's getting drunk. He went outside and grab a girl. The girl doesn't want to go to him. He started kissing the girl and wanted to have sex with her but the girl don't want to. I take a picture of him trying to harass a girl.

I went at the entrance and told the bouncer to help the girl. Which the bouncer obligated.

I took a picture of him and take a video as well. I'll keep it as an evidence.

Wait for your downfall mister jerk. I said to myself as I get outside that damn bar.

I always do this. Follow Jennie everytime she get out and make sure she'll back at the dorm safely.

I've been doing these every day.

Jennie Kim I may look like not caring for you but deep inside I always care for you. I do cared for you even though I'm dying Inside for not having you by my side.

I always love and care for you. You've just didn't notice everything I have done for you.

Having someone you love but you can't have has given me such a super power. That i can be happy literally just by knowing that a special person lives in the same world as i do. We live in the same world, we breathe the same air and we saw the sun and the moon at the same time.

Take care my NINI.