Both Sides | ✓

Chapter 11

Olivia's POV:

*  *  *

I clung to River's arm for dear life as we left the school, as if their body might conceal me from the eyes of bystanders. I had never done anything like this. Skipping school, or taking a day of absence in general, was completely foreign to me. In fact, I only really agreed to go because staying was worse. The fluorescent's above had beat down like a spotlight as I cried, the linoleum under me like a stage. I wanted to scream or throw up and the sickly clean smell of the hallway only made it worse. So, I fled, still teary eyed and fastened to a stranger's arm.

I hated Cleo for what she did and what she said and how she covered my mouth like a monster. I hated that she sounded just like the voice in my head. I hated that Andrew got her back. I hated that she let me kiss her in the first place. And, more than anything, I hated myself for being so naive. My emotions had gotten the best of me and that rarely happens. Never again, I swore to myself over and over. Never again.

"Stop freaking out, Liv, " River said as they kicked open the back exit doors. I winced at the nickname. It felt sour, not inviting like Via.

"That's easy enough for you to say. I've never done anything like this, " I replied in an anxious squeak. River held a care free smile as I made sure nobody was watching. "Am I going to miss 5th period? Oh god, this isn't a good idea," I said, still attached to them.

River simply chuckled and continued to stroll through the empty parking lot.

"You're cute, Olivia. Now calm down a little before you get us caught." I nodded hurriedly and pointed them in the way of my car. "So, where are we heading to babe?" Babe was better than Liv, but not by much. Friends call eachother babe all the time. But there was something about the way River said it. The way their eyes lowered and their lips curled.

"Uh, I don't know, " I said, looking out the window at the school. "Anywhere but here."

And with that, we were off, out of the school parking lot and into a gas station one. All the while, my brain was looping. Cleo's words didn't leave my head, even when River was trying to distract me. We got slurpees, but mine remained untouched in the cup holder. Anytime I took a sip, all I could taste was mud. I felt absolutely horrible.

"You're nothing to me, " the words echoed, teasing me.

I felt used. Like I was disposable. And on top of that, I couldn't talk to my best friend about it. I know that Daniel would be accepting, but the thought of him seeing me any other way was horrifying. So, with no one left to turn to, I ranted to River.

"Oh my god," they said after I went through the whole timeline. "Cleo sounds like such a shitty person."

"That's the thing; She's not. She's really honest and kind and cares about people, even if she doesn't show it. That's why this is all so hard because... She isn't herself, " I said.

"Look, Liv-" Olivia. "She was a dick to you. You can't defend her after she pulled that."

"But-"

"No, but's. Let Cleo go. There's gonna be other people."

I nodded, feeling even more defeated. I wished I could've hated Cleo after what she did but I couldn't, because deep down, I agreed with her. I was expendable. I was nothing, and nobody had had the guts to tell me before. With one sentence, all of my worst fears had been confirmed. I was nothing.

She was probably laughing about me right now. Cleo and her stupid boyfriend in his stupid letterman jacket were probably talking about how dumb I had been. I could hear it, see it. I was nothing.