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Chapter 15

Olivia's POV:

Maybe it was naive of me to allow Cleo to sleep over. After all, our last sleepover had gone horribly- meaning it went remarkably well, and then everything was ruined. I was nervous about giving our friendship a second chance, but the more time I spent around Cleo, the more she started to grow on me again. Maybe it was the way she stared at the snow like part of her soul belonged in it, or the way she worried about me after speaking with my mom, or the fact that I never really had to pretend around her. It wasn't the same as talking to my friends from school. It was more than that.

I was sitting beside Cleo on the couch as a movie flickered before us and my mind began to betray itself. What if this was a joke, an elaborate plan to see just how far I'd bend my rules to make room for her in my life? I wondered if Cleo would start hating me after tonight, and imagined her turning the school against me. What if she told people that I kissed her? What if there were thousands of messages sitting in my inbox right now from everyone I considered my friend telling me that I was wrong or gross or out of line? I checked my phone. Nothing.

For a moment, I felt relieved, but my mind just kept yelling. Maybe Cleo already does hate you. I told my head that it was wrong, and my head yelled back, how can you be sure? and I started to feel this guilt over something I had made up entirely.

What if you try to kiss her again?

I wouldn't do that.

It happened once. You aren't in control of yourself.

So, in a desperate attempt to convince my brain that I was in control, I held my breath for 50 seconds. I felt silly, but nothing else seemed to work. From beside me, Cleo glanced over.

"Via?" she said, and I turned to look at her. "Are... You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry," I replied. My lungs just kept sucking in air like they were starved. Cleo had a question mark on her face.

"You're out of breath."

"Oh," I said. "No, I'm just tired, I think."

She looked at me a little deeper then and I tried to give her a smile. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Let's just go to bed."

Time really had passed by quickly. All of a sudden it was approaching midnight and I hadn't realized it. We went into my bedroom where Cleo fell onto my bed immediately, sighing in exhaustion.

"Are you not changing?" I asked.

"Oh, well... I didn't expect a sleepover, so I didn't pack anything."

"Oh," I replied, shutting my door. "You can borrow some of my clothes if you'd like."

Cleo nodded as she sat up. I sifted through my drawers and handed her an oversized T-shirt and shorts as she made her way to my bathroom, leaving me space to change into my own sleep clothes. The soft glow from my desk lamp and the light shining from below the bathroom door were the only illuminations at this hour. My mind wandered as I waited for her to open the bathroom door again. I remembered Cleo's bedroom, the soft rustling of the fan over our heads. I preferred her house, the lack of silence. Here, everything felt muted.

"Do you want me to turn off this light?" Cleo said as she stepped into my bedroom again. The shirt I loaned her was bigger on me but more form-fitting on the taller girl. Yellow light from the bathroom flooded in around her, casting a long shadow against my hardwood floors. I had to force myself to look away.

"Yeah, thanks, " I said back, clicking my lamp off and moving under the covers of my bed.

Cleo joined me soon, laying much farther away than she had the first night we slept in the same bed. We laid there, staring at the silent fan rotating above us, separated by an invisible wall that only we could've created. It was better this way, I told myself.

* * *

I woke up before the sun, my eyes taking a moment to adjust in my darkened bedroom. I knew even without checking the clock that it had to have been around 5 AM. My brain had woken up in the middle of the night most days of the week. Usually, it took half an hour before I could fall back asleep. I would toss and turn, I would put on music. Nothing seemed to work. This time, I simply shut my eyes again, trying to fall back into slumber but my ears were greeted by the smooth sound of breathing. I raised my head from its position against the mattress, only to find myself pressed against Cleo's chest.

She laid on her back, one hand behind her head and the other looped around my shoulders. Her eyelashes were downcast in tired concentration. I smiled down at the sight before realizing I was being held by Cleo Roberts. Again.

I wasn't sure how we always ended up in each other's arms but she felt safe. I didn't want to let her go. So, I tightened my grip on her waist, trying my best not to wake her. My leg was in between hers as she slept, the rising and falling of her chest amplified against mine. Cleo's hair smelt the same as that night in her bedroom. Memories flooded back to me as I laid next to the same girl who broke me. The same girl that told me she cared, only to hate me the next week. The same girl who kissed me, who made me cry in the school hallway, who doesn't like girls.

My head flew to odd places in order to convince myself that this was platonic, that Cleo was completely, 100% straight. She wasn't like me. She may not be with Andrew anymore, but she had kissed me and regretted it. I was her experiment. Worse than that, I was a failed one. A mistake.

Still, as my breathing fixed with her's and our legs intertwined, every bit of reason left my head. I was her's, just as quickly as I had been before. Naive, I told myself. You're so incredibly naive. And, for the first time, I didn't listen to the voice in my head. I simply tightened my hold and wished stupidly that morning would never come.

* * *

A/N:

Hey guys!

Happy New Year! I'm very glad to be leaving this year behind. Even though 2020 had been awful, it's the year I started this story. And the year I gained all of you viewers. You guys mean so so much to me and I can't wait to release more chapters in 2021!