I woke up at 6 am and get dressed for whatever plan William has in his mind. He asked me to dress very casually, so I wear my denim shorts, white buttoned down shirt, and tie a peach scarf on my head to pair with my black aviator.
He whistles when he sees me, "I said casually, not sexily."
"That mouth got guts now, it seems," I say, "I'm impressed."
He grins, "You'll see that it is not just my mouth."
"Will, I am going to go home if you..."
"I know! I was joking," he says, "So you're ready?"
"How are we doing this?"
"I will drive," he says, "Give us some privacy."
He was taking us to a place called Lemars, where he said to be the most beautiful safari he has ever experienced in Africa. I never had him driving, so it was the first time for both of us to be in a car alone.
"So how long is this trip gonna be?"
"About 4 hours. We should get there just in time when the lions wake up."
I chuckle. "Interesting."
"I have asked the hotel to pack us some lunch, we will be having a picnic."
"With the lions?"
"If they like us, sure," he says and we giggle.
"So I get to interview you now?" I ask
"Fire away," he says.
"So what kind of woman are you looking for in a relationship?" I said while I push the recorder button on my iPhone.
"Someone like you," he says.
I panic and push the recorder button off. "Will! This recorder will serve as my notes! From time to time, my boss asks for my notes. Don't do that."
He chuckles, "Sorry."
"Repeat," I say, "Come on, if we get this thing finished I can fully enjoy the safari."
"Okay."
"So what kind of woman are you looking for in a relationship?"
"How would I know? I mean, I don't think I wake up every day listing characteristics I look for in a woman. I just try to live and see what's in store for me, you know."
"Fair enough," I say, "So far, do you already know what's not in store for you?"
"I've had my lessons," he says, "I have learnt that sometimes my lifestyle don't suit some women."
We look at each other. His lips curve into a smile. I decide to ignore and continue.
"Your lifestyle?"
"Well, just like other people I guess, I come with certain circumstances. Obviously with the fact that our lives are gonna be under constant spotlight and the duties as a member of Royal family."
"Why, do you see that as limitations?"
"Ummm, no... Not limitations. It's just the situation where I was born into. I still think I am very lucky, there are priviledges that come with this, like you will have the full opportunity to do good things. But with that comes great sacrifices."
"And those sacrifices affect your choice of a partner?"
"Of course. I have this picture in my head of the kind of woman I'd end up with."
"How do you picture them?"
He pause for a bit before he says, "Well... You see, I always look for the one that is different. So far when I meet women, they will adjust to who I am, like how they speak or behave... I am actually wishing for someone who is different. Who I actually want, I don't know if I can have her but I do wish that someday, she and I can go out and do the Royal stuff but when we're home and alone, we become entirely different. We become the version nobody knew. We become us...." he looks at me, "Does it make sense to you?"
I nod, "I know what you mean."
He nods.
"Why did you say you don't know if you can have them... Do you find it hard?"
"Well like I said, most women I meet adjust to me. They shouldn't have."
"Most women being Kate too?"
"I am not dating Kate."
"Will!" I press the recorder off again.
"Have that on the record. I want you to write it."
"You can't do that to her."
"What do you mean I can't do that to her?"
"Does she know you're not dating her?"
"She knows! It's just that she is in a complete denial."
"She loves you."
"But I don't love her, Pam. What is wrong with you?"
"Let's just not talk about Kate," I say, pressing the recorder back on. "So what is your plan now after military?"
"I am going to do some international diplomacy. It is my duty to the country."
"International diplomacy?"
"Yes. On behalf of UK government, I will travel the world meeting world leaders."
"How fun."
"I bet," he says and we giggle.
"If you have one day as someone else, I mean, just William - without the Royal family label. What would you do on that day."
"This seems to be your favorite question. I answered this already."
"Yeah but you did all of those in New York."
"That's true," he smiles. "The best days of my life."
"So what do you want to do now, if you weren't you?"
"I have no problem repeating them."
Pamela hit his upper arm and point at the recorder.
"Look I was in Iraq and in there I realized that it is possible for me to have a break from all of this. Which brought me to my point awhile ago, if I'm with the right person, the right people, I can have days, years for the rest of my life, as William."
"So you're done wishing, and now you're working in getting them."
"Yes," he nods, "I believe it's possible. Because I have experienced it before. I have had days where I was just William, and that's just my wish: I want to have them for the rest of my life."
I am speechless.
William throws me a grin.
***
"Dude, are you sure you know how to drive this?" I stare at the green safari jeep we're about to embark on.
"Dude, I've been doing it since I got my driving license."
"Yeah but do you know which road that is safe for us to pass through? What if we get lost?"
"I memorize this place like an ABC," he says, turning the machine on.
"Yeah but you can't memorize lion's behaviors, can you? What if they stop us at our track..."
"Pamela, just shut up and enjoy the ride."
"I can't!"
He sighs, "Don't you trust me?"
"I do, but I don't trust the animals!"
"This place is plastered with CCTV and radars, okay. They will know if we're in some sort of trouble. They will come in seconds."
"Oh God, why can't you just tell me that."
He steps on the gas and off we go. At first all I see is a grass field with occassional trees, but as we go, I see a bunch of girraffes, a puma running around, and the sky seems to be bluer and bluer. It is very, very beautiful I can't help not to smile.
"It's gorgeous, isn't it?" William says.
I look at him. He looks gorgeous in his black ray ban and white shirt.
I smile, "Yes, gorgeous."
"Look at that," he says
I turn my head and there I see a bunch of lions underneath a giant tree. They seem to be relaxed, lying lazily around. The children are lying next to the mom.
"Family," William says.
We drive around for about 5 minutes and William stops at a stop near a river.
"This is where we stay," he says. "Tonight."
"What?"
"We'll camp."
"William!"
"What?"
"Is it safe?"
"Pamela, I told you there is CCTV."
"That's even worse. What if they recognize it's you?"
"They already recognize it's me."
"They're gonna sell the video to Hello! or something!"
"They won't do that. Have you seen CCTV pictures of me here leaked before?"
"Still, you can't be too sure!"
"Oh yes I can, sweety," he says, getting off the car, "I own the place."
"What?"
"This place. It's mine."
"This whole fucking land?"
"This whole fucking land," he says, "That's why you don't see no one around, do you?"
"Holy shit."
"Now do you mind helping me with the stuff? Got to put the tent up."
***
William has arranged all of this to perfection. He has packed up a jacket and a sleeping gear for me because he knows I won't be prepared to spend the night here. He got us both a matching t-shirt that says 'We had it in Africa' on the front. I thought we'll be fishing for food, but William says the river is clear so he has packed smoked salmon, some ribs, and greens for our lunch and dinner.
"I brought marshmallows too for campfire," he says.
I cannot believe this. I mean, just a couple of days ago I was in New York, hustling through subways and air-conditioned rooms. Now I am in a jungle in the middle of Africa with William, laying underneath the sun with animal sounds and the streams of river in the background. It's surreal.
We spend the rest of the day walking around. We cook the ribs for dinner and have them with cold beers. We sit in front of the campfire while William tells me stories about Iraq, which I pledge to confidentiality. I can see how Iraq has changed him, in a way that he is much more aware that there are many possibilities in his life and he's opened for them.
Later that night, we settle inside the tent and lay next to each other. Strangely, I don't feel scared. It's in the middle of nowhere and a lion may come eat us any minute, but I feel safe. I remember I had this feeling too when William came to see me in New York after my mom's suicide attempt. He was there with me, and I felt things to be a lot better. And it did go a lot better.
I just wish...
"Are you cold?" William asks, touching my hand.
"No. No touching, Will. You promised."
He sighs, "I don't understand how two single people in the middle of a jungle will be able to prevent themselves from touching each other."
I chuckle, "They try really hard."
"Are you sleepy?" he asks
"A little bit. Why?"
"Nothing."
"If you touch me when I fall asleep, I kill you."
He chuckles.
We fall asleep not long after, probably because we're so tired. And somehow I woke up because I feel chills. It got very cold and I feel shivers along my skin. I move my body to pull the blanket closer and it woke William.
"What's wrong?" he asks, sleepily.
"It's cold," I say, "All of a sudden."
"Okay," he says and he moves his body closer to mine. He wraps his arms around my body and spoons me from behind.
Ah. This feeling I remember.
"You know," William says softly with his lips next to my ear, "There is one Iraq story I haven't told you. You wanna hear it?"
I nod.
"When the times got tough, you know, like when the homesick got so bad, or when I was sitting in between rocks hearing guns and explosion went off and hoping very hard that it's not my friend who got killed this time, I fix my thoughts on you. I fix my thoughts on the moments we were dancing on the ferry. When you held my hands so tight in Cinderella. I fix my thoughts on the moment when I will see you again and you will give me that smile that was always making me feel like I am the happiest man on earth. It was always thoughts on seeing you again that kept me going."
Oh God. What is it with us women. Words can be really seductive to us.
"So thank you, you know," he says and kisses the back of my head, "Thank you for giving me reasons to keep going."
I turn my body around to face him. I take a second to look at his eyes.
Then I kiss his lips.
###