Neveah Crow
The sun is a reset button. And when I opened my eyes, my mind was clear from the night before. Unfortunately, time has a way of catching up to you quicker than expected. I groaned at the thought, remembering what I hoped was a nightmare.
I turned around to see Harry still sleeping, I almost didn't remember that part either. The sun rested on his face, his hair was messy over the pillow. Without his glasses I could see his features more clearly. I watched him in the calm of my mess, grateful as always.
"Good morning." I blushed, embarrassed I had been caught staring. He rubbed his eyes groggily before giving me a warm smile.
"Oh, good morning Harry." I smiled in return.
"How did you sleep?"
"I slept alright. How about you, any more nightmares?" I wondered, knowing I hadn't been around if he had.
"No, not tonight." His grin was wide enough for his dimple to show. I'm not sure why I hadn't noticed before.
For some reason, I felt myself grow nervous.
"Harry! Wake up mate, we're going out." Ron suddenly bursts through the door, catching us both in bed together.
"Ron!" Harry shot up from the bed in a panic and I followed. Ron continued to stare at us with a blank gaze, mouth hanging open.
"Is he up yet?" Hermione appeared in the doorway shortly after, the same look as Ron plastered on her face. "Am I missing something here?"
Neither 'Mione nor Ron had been told I was here last night. Especially the reason for it. Instead, they just found me in their friend's bed.
"It's not what it looks like," I insisted.
"Right. Of course you would say that." Ron laughed, he turned his head to Harry, "nice going mate." He smirked proudly before Hermione elbowed his ribs.
"Will you give us a second?" Harry quickly walked towards the door, shutting it closed in front of them. He huffed, rubbing his face. "We'll probably need to explain that."
"Yes, we really do." I laughed, moving onto the edge of the bed. Harry made his way back over, sitting next to me.
"I think you should tell them." He looked sincere. "Everything."
"I know I should." I looked down at my lap, "I just can't stomach their reaction. I doubt they'll understand."
"Maybe not at first," he reached for my hand, holding it gently. "But they will, and I'll be there with you." He gave me a warm, encouraging smile.
"You're right." I stood up, sliding my hand out of his, "thank you for last night Harry. You've been really good to me."
"Of course Neveah, anything." Every word was sincere. He meant it with his eyes, his body and heart. He always did, I think that's why I always found comfort in him.
"I'll take my luggage back to the other room. We should get ready, seems like they have the day planned." I smiled, making my way out the door.
Settling into the room, I let out a heavy sigh. Everything went back to dread and heaviness. A simple task such as dressing myself, felt like a chore. Like everything inside is dragging me down, taking every ounce of energy just to stand.
As angry as I am at Draco, I still missed him. Only half a day and I can't stop myself from wondering if he misses me too. That maybe I made a mistake, that I could come back running and say I forgive him. That maybe, just maybe, he feels this awfulness in his heart too.
I looked at the mirror before I left the room. I had settled for leggings and a hoodie. The golden locket looked out of place, shining brightly against my dull clothes. I didn't want to take it off, but I couldn't bear to see it. I tucked it under my sweater, and left the room.
Ron, Harry, Hermione and I walked together to a nearby muggle restaurant. The walk was filled with deafening silence. The air between us was suffocating, at least for me. Harry sensed my stress, giving my hand a soft squeeze.
We were seated at a booth by a kind woman, her name tag read, "Nora." She smiled, leaving us with our menus. By the time we ordered we had barely exchanged a few sentences. The failed attempt to break the silence only made it worse. I couldn't stand it. Whatever reaction they have after the truth, has to be better than this
Harry sat next to me, taking my hand beneath the table for the third time. He braced me with enough courage to finally speak. "I'd like to tell you both something." My eyes bounced between Ron and Hermione.
"Is this about you and Harry?" Hermoine whispered, though it wasn't close to quiet.
"No Hermione, it's quite important." I huffed.
"Well then, on with it." Ron insisted.
"I need you both to listen very clearly to everything I say. Don't jump to conclusions, or even speak until I'm done. I want you all to have a clear picture, and hopefully you'll understand where I'm coming from. To explain everything, I have to tell you some things from my past." I began tapping my leg under the table, fidgeting with my fingers.
Harry squeezed my hand just a little bit tighter. "It's alright Nev, just tell them."
And so I did, I told them everything. The way Draco and I grew up together nearly our whole life. How we were all each other had during the hardest times. I told them about my grandparents, and how we never had a 'good' relationship, to keep it simple. I told them about their letter.
Nora had brought us our food. No one touched their plate, no one even seemed to breathe. And so I went on. I told them I had been staying at the manor with Draco. I told them that I was truly happy there for a while. And despite their ideas, I was safe and well cared for. By the time I got to my parents, my voice was shaking. I was unable to differentiate the cause from nerves, the constant talking, or forcing myself to relive every story.
By now, my eyes were holding in tears. I always knew how to be strong. I was raised to be nothing but strong. Instead, I felt my heart crumble and my body betray my own mind. I watched as warm tears fell onto the cold plate of breakfast sitting on the table.
When I had calmed myself down enough to speak properly, I wiped my face with a laugh. I finally met their eyes. Ron actually looked sympathetic, looking at me as if he had been missing something this whole time. Hermione's eyes filled with pity, but also admiration.
"I'm really sorry, Nev. I wish I could say more but I'm not sure what to say at all." Hermione reached across the table, squeezing my hand. "I misunderstood the whole situation. I understand now, and I'm truly sorry."
"Me too, I know I haven't been the kindest. I'm just glad you told us all." Ron added. "I know it wasn't easy, but we're here for you."
"Thank you guys, really. You're my closest friends, and I mean that." I forced on a smile, attempting to ignore the tension. "Now that that's over, let's just enjoy the food."
I could tell everyone sensed my ignorance, but they obeyed. We chatted like we used to and ate our cold food. I couldn't be bothered to deal with this any longer. I wanted to push it all back down.
After breakfast, Ron and Harry separated from us. Harry promised to show Ron his favorite muggle stores while Hermione and I walked side by side, roaming the streets.
"Can I ask you something?" She questioned hesitantly.
"Of course 'Mione."
"Did you love him? I mean, do you truly love Malfoy?" I could tell by her voice she didn't understand. And she probably never could.
"I know you can't see him that way, but he's different when he's around me, Hermione. We've been misunderstood our whole lives, we were all each other had." I looked at my feet, kicking the snow in front of me. "He's kind and gentle. He climbs rooftops, just to watch the stars. He dances even when there's no music playing"
"I suppose you saw a different version of Malfoy." She laughed, trying to understand. "You still didn't answer the question, Nev."
"I've loved him since I was a kid. How can I stop now?"
***
New Year's Day approached quickly. I hadn't heard a word from Draco all this time. And although slightly disappointed, I never bothered to reach out either. I decided to push every thought of him to the back of my head, no matter how difficult.
Harry and I have spent double the time together from what we used to. He seems to understand me the most these days. I'm happy wasting the day with him, always filled with laughs and games during the morning, and deep conversations at night that I wouldn't imagine telling anyone else.
Everyone gathered in the dining room, the radio prepared for the count down. The family- My Family, chatted among themselves with laughter and smiles. It was the most heartwarming sight, watching love exchange throughout the room.
I made my way to the kitchen, looking for a drink.
"Neveah?" A man walked into the room, Sirius. "Can I talk to you?"
"Of course." I walked closer, smiling warmly.
"I know you're going through a tough time, but I also know you're helping Harry."
"Oh, I don't believe I'm doing much sir. I'm just trying my best to be there for him." I insisted.
"Well that's more than enough. Harry rarely had people who cared about him, I can tell you've had a good impact. He talks about you all the time." He smirked.
My cheeks grew warm at the thought, "Well, I guess so. He's helped me a lot this year too, it's only fair I do the same. And I know how much you mean to him as well, Sirius. His smile is never brighter than when he talks about his life with you. He looks forward to it, deeply. "
His eyes wandered into the other room, Harry stood laughing with the others.
"Take care of him while I'm not around. He gets into too much trouble." He laughed. Before walking out of the kitchen he surprised me with a bear hug. "I understand what you're going through, Neveah, much more than you think. I know how hard it is to just keep living. But not only are you doing it for yourself, you're doing it for my son- Harry. You're very brave, do not forget that. And I'll always be here for you."
His words nearly brought me to tears. I know how hard it is to just keep living. For some reason, that shocked me more than I thought it would.
The count down would begin soon, but I felt weary at the thought of being surrounded by so many people. I walked up the stairs to an empty balcony. The wind brushed through my hair while the stars shined down on me.
I hadn't realized how long I was gone until a voice appeared behind me.
"Neveah?" I turned around to see Harry, "the countdown is going to start."
"Sorry, I just needed some fresh air." I didn't face him, my eyes still locked on the stars.
He made his way next to me, "Are you thinking about him?"
My heart dropped at his words. He always knew exactly what I was thinking about.
"I can't help it. I keep thinking that maybe I made a mistake." I admitted.
"I don't think so, but maybe that's my personal opinion." He stifled an awkward laugh. Fidgeting with the railing.
"What do you mean by that?" I questioned.
"I've been good to you, haven't I?" I met his eyes at his words. "I've been here for you, here to listen whenever you need me."
"Well, yes Harry of course-" I spoke confused, shaking my head.
"Then why not me?"
I didn't realize my heart banging against my chest. His eyes were earnest, yearning for more. Looking for an answer I didn't have. Because I loved Draco, I love Draco. I never thought I could love someone else until the option laid before me on a platter. Could I really fall in love with-
I could hear the others counting down in the background
10...9...8...
"Just for one second, will you think of me? Not Malfoy." He moved closer, inches away.
7...6...5...
"Harry..." I didn't know what to say, but I did know his name. It ran around in my head, taking every ounce of space it could until it was all I could think about. I never realized his feelings were so strong. Strong enough to sweep my mind clean of everything besides him.
4...3...2...
"Just for one second Nev..." Harry leaned in, planting a kiss on my lips.
And I kissed him back.
For one second, I forgot about Draco Malfoy. Instead I was wrapped up in a kiss with Harry Potter.
His hands wrapped around my waist while I cupped his cheeks. He was warm, gentle and passionate. I could feel his eagerness in his lips. Warmth spread throughout my body. It was like being comforted by fire in the snow. It was so different, so new and exhilarating.
For that one second, time stopped a little.
He broke the kiss, though it was clear he had to pry himself away to restrain himself. "Happy New Years, Neveah."
We avoided each other's eyes, resting our foreheads together.
"Happy New Years, Harry."
***
It was time to return to Hogwarts. I wasn't ready to face Draco, though I had no choice. So I did what I do best, and ignored the pain brewing in my stomach.
Harry and I continued to be friends. It's like nothing has changed. Except for the times I feel his eyes lingering just a second too long. Nothing has changed, except for the fact I pay more attention when he speaks, and how the words roll off his lips gently. Nothing has changed, except the burning tension between us through the train ride. We don't talk about the kiss, yet we both know we think about it often.
Once we returned to Hogwarts, everyone went their separate ways to our dorms. We had a few minutes to change before the meeting in the Great Hall.
The trio and I walked together side by side. Harry threw his arm over my shoulder, "wonder what's going to happen this year?" He joked. We laughed our way through the halls, ignoring everyone in sight with our own little bubble of smiles.
Until I saw him.
His eyes glared at mine, a stone cold face. It lasted a split second until I returned to the laughter. By the time I looked back, he was gone.
We took our seats, smiles lit up across the room. I couldn't help but feel that mine was dull compared to the rest.
Harry must've sensed my thoughts, as usual, and gripped my hand over the table.
"It'll all be okay Nev," he smiled. "This is a new beginning."
He was right, this was a new beginning.
Was this chapter boring? I hope it wasn't, because I feel like my chapters have gotten boring...
Let me know what you guys think! :)
{21.June.21}