Susan Silver had booked her a flight even before Kim had called her the previous night, she'd just have to pick up her ticket at the airline company's front desk at the airport. It all had been so sudden that Ellie had to call her boss that late in the night, yanking him from his sleep. It took him a while to comprehend what was happening, not because he was someone hard to deal with but because he had had his sleep disturbed. Luckily, he understood the emergency and gave her a few days off, but Ellie suggested she'd use days of her due holidays' break instead. Other than that, she didn't call anyone, she would do so from New York City. She went to bed around 1 am, after throwing some warm clothes into her bag but was unable to sleep. She might have slept about two hours if that much for Chris was constantly in her mind. Around 6 am, she left the house towards the airport where a plane from the American Airlines would take her on a six-hour flight to the other end of the country.
The flight had been quiet. Though full, there was a much-appreciated silence inside the plane that Ellie thanked people for it. Exhausted as she was, it didn't take long until she fell into deep sleep, using the blanket that was on her seat to cover herself and the small pillow to rest her head against the window. She slept most of her flight. When she opened her eyes again, there was only one more hour to go, but it felt like the whole six hours to her. The entire time, Chris was in her mind hammering over and over again and many times she had to clean her tears away. It was there that she became too anxious again and her hands shook a little and her breathing was short. Her chest was about to burst in agony and she knew none of that stress was good for the baby, but she could not avoid it. Anything concerning Chris would hit her hard, harder than anything. When she had told him that he was her everything, she really meant it. He had been her everything since she had met him even if they were so young.
Moments of their life played inside her mind and she sniffed really low while her lips trembled a bit and a whimper escaped her throat involuntary. Their first kiss inside the dark cinema room. The first time he called her to ask her out, confessing he had stolen her number from Andy's phonebook. The first time he had told her he was in love with her. The first time they had sex. It was on the backseat of Peter's car, after being at a party and running away so they could be alone. At the time they were still hiding, no one knew they were together. The moment he proposed. Chris had taken her to Discovery Park, one of their favorite places, and while walking near the water, he stopped to write something on the sand. He then called her and Ellie approached him, reading "Will you marry me?" on the sand. When Ellie looked at Chris once more, he was on one knee and had a red box opened with a solitaire twinkling as the rays of light of that warm day reflected on it. She gave him an immediate yes. Ellie closed her eyes and muffled her crying there... then, the day they got married became alive in her thoughts. January 1990, just a year after they met and still it had been the best decision of her life. Ellie cleaned her eyes and took a deep breath and tried to stabilize her emotions.
"Are you ok, miss?" The man sitting by her side asked her.
"Yes." Ellie forced a smile at him, but he was seeing her hands still shaking on her lap.
"Do you want me to call someone to bring some water?" He suggested. "In your condition, I don't think it is good to be that nervous..."
"I am ok." Ellie insisted, but she saw the man stretching his hand and press the button that served to call the airhostess. "Thank you." She said after, offering him another exhausted smile.
Soon, an elegant tall woman appeared with a wonderful smile on her face and bent a little over their seats.
"How can I help you'" She asked.
"Can you bring some water?" The mas asked gently and the airhostess nodded.
"In a minute." She bowed lightly and walked away.
"Thank you so much." Ellie smiled feeling a little awkward. "You didn't have to..."
"You need to calm a down. It's not good for your baby." He pointed out.
"I know..." Ellie breathed and looked outside the window with tears probing on her eyes once more. Easier said than done.
The plane touched New York's ground around two o'clock, local time. Ellie tried to get out of the plane as fast as she could, but it still had taken her a good 10 minutes until she was able to do so. Then, she had to wait another 10 minutes for her luggage to appear on the rolling carpet. When she saw it, she pulled it off of it and started to walk away quite fast. She couldn't get to the hotel fast enough. The airport was a bubble made of steel and glass. The walls were elegant though, all in glass from floor to top. The joists supported all the windows, so daylight could get through, but the day was dense dark gray and some signs of snow were still scattered here and there. She remembered Chris had told her the day before it had been snowing. She arrived at the rush hour, when the people moved chaotically from one side to another. Some arriving and others ready to leave, flowing from the check-in desks to the cafes and through the gates, each one of them heading for a different destination. Finally, she made it to the door that led outside.
When she trespassed the door, the warmth of the airport was left behind and she was faced with a very low temperature. Cold clobbered her face and crept under her clothes, spreading across her skin, making her shiver. Ellie stopped to adjust the collar of her long coat and still roll her black scarf around her neck and even covering her lips. It was cold enough to make your atoms tremble, much colder than in Seattle. As she walked to the taxi's line, she felt that the cold air that blew from North pierced to meet even the blood in her veins. It was excruciating cold. White puffs came out of her mouth as she breathed. She cringed a bit realizing the line was long, she would have at least twenty minutes ahead for her turn and she began to tap her feet on the ground lightly to warm up her feet that were freezing. It took more than twenty minutes out in the cold for her turn though. The taxi driver came to help her, so she could keep her luggage in the trunk and then opened the door so Ellie could hop on to the backseat. When he closed the door, Ellie saw him rub one hand on another and he run inside the car.
"Where to, miss?" He asked when already sat in front of the steering wheel, missing the wedding ring on her finger.
"Cambria Hotel, please." She told him.
"Times square?" He asked looking at her through the rear mirror.
Ellie pulled the paper she had inside the pocket of her jacket to read the address properly.
"Yes." She confirmed.
As the taxi started moving, the man fell into deep silence which Ellie appreciated. She was too nervous to be able to have a nice conversation with a stranger. He had the radio playing low. Some hip hop was rapping her ears, but the sound was low which did not make it too unpleasant. Her eyes fixed on the window, watching the landscape go fast before her eyes and Chris the entire time in her mind. As she got nearer and nearer, her heart was also racing more and more and tears assaulted her eyes again, but Ellie cleaned them right away not to cry in the taxi. She has always been so against Susan Silver being on tour with Chris because of her jealousy but that time she was glad that she was for she had been really fast booking her a flight so she could be there now. One thing Ellie had to give her, she was a good professional and she was great at what she did. Despite all the animosity between them, Ellie has always given her credits for her work. After almost an hour of dense traffic to enter the Big Apple, the taxi stopped in front of two glass doors with a golden frame and white letters above that read Cambria Hotel.
"It's here miss." The man told her, stopping the car.
"How much is it?" She asked him, searching for her wallet inside her purse.
"40 dollars." The man responded, pointing at the marker so she could confirm it.
"Very well." Ellie opened the zipper of her black leather wallet and pulled a 50-dollar bill. "Here." She said, giving it to the man. "Keep the rest." She added, knowing a 10-dollar tip was about the right thing in New York, one of the most expensive cities in the world.
"Thank you, miss." The man smiled and put the bill in the front pocket of his shirt. "Let me help you with your luggage." He said, opening the door and getting out the next second. After, he stopped by her door and opened it and Ellie got out.
"Thank you." Ellie smiled at him as she stood on the sidewalk.
She then saw the man opening the trunk and taking her black suitcase out of it. He rested it by her side and smiled at her again. A few drops of water started to fall, announcing rain and Ellie frowned a little as she felt the drops falling on her hair.
"Have a nice stay." He innocently told her and Ellie was suddenly uncapable of answering him.
As the taxi drove away, she turned around to look at the hotel and looked up until she saw its ending, feeling the rain fall on her face, cold as ice, and then looked back at the door. She took a deep breath and took her hand to her suitcase's holder getting courage to go inside. Suddenly, all dressed in black and with his long black hair in a ponytail, Kim stormed out of the door.
"Ellie!" He exclaimed walking fast towards her. "Finally..." He breathed. "You took so long."
"It's a six-hour flight, Kim." She said, looking at him.
"I know... I am sorry." He answered. "I am still nervous."
"How is he?" She asked first thing.
"Locked in his room since he got out of the hospital. He was furious when we told him that we have called you." Kim explained.
"But how is he?" Ellie insisted. "What did the doctors say? Someone was there right?" Ellie bombed him with questions and Kim nodded.
"Yes." He affirmed. "Matt as there with him. Chris slept the entire night and they let him out this morning. He needs to rest. He collapsed of exhaustion." Kim explained.
"Jesus..." Ellie breathed, feeling the rain getting more intense and thicker. They were getting wet. "We better go inside." She said preparing to pick her suitcase but Kim shook her hand away.
"Don't even think about." He told her. "You're pregnant."
Ellie rolled her eyes. "Pregnant, not sick..."
"This is heavy!" Kim told her as they started going inside.
"I don't even have the strength to argue with you." She smiled.
"You wouldn't win." Kim smirked and Ellie said nothing else.
The lobby was quite modest, just like the hotel. There was a small front desk in brilliant white ceramic and the walls were covered in pearl marble stones. Hanging from the high ceiling there were golden cables with huge white lamps. There was a small lounge area with velvet purple chairs and dark wood coffee tables. A vase with a plant on the counter of the front desk and it was about it. No other furniture or paintings on the wall.
"I have to check in." Ellie said, remembering she hadn't done so.
"Susan has done that." Kim told her. "She left to Philadelphia this morning and left your name in Chris's room."
"Is he going to play?" Ellie curled an eyebrow as she heard Susan was gone.
"As if you don't know him." A voice came behind her and she looked back to find Matt arriving. "He wants to." Matt told her, bending over her to kiss her on the cheek.
"Thanks for staying with him, Matt." Ellie rubbed his arm.
"Hey... someone had to stay there." He smiled. "Talk to him." Matt told her. "Susan is in Philly ready to advance with what we decide." Ellie nodded while listening to him. "The doctor said he should rest. We have two days off..." He shrugged there. "... I think we could go without these two shows before we come back home for Christmas."
"I think so too." Kim told her.
"What did the doctor say specifically?" Ellie asked. "With all details, Matt because I know if I ask him, he is not going to tell me everything."
"He passed out of exhaustion..." Matt shook his head there. "... motherfucker scared the shit out of us. As soon as we ended the show and got backstage, Chris just collapsed. He didn't complain nor did he say he wasn't feeling well... nothing... he just passed out..."
"Ok..." Ellie nodded trying to absorb all details about Chris's break down.
"He made a lot of exams." Kim said. "When he went to the hospital, we all went there with him." He told her.
"Yeah..." Matt continued. "All his exams were fine so they concluded he was too tired and shut down. They gave him some medicines to sleep after because he was nervous like hell that he had to call you and because he needed to, so he slept all night."
"I am sorry it took us so long to call you back, but we were trying to figure out what to tell you." Kim told her, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "We didn't want to call without any information, it would freak you out even more."
"Guys, thank you so much for everything." Ellie wrapped an arm around each one of them and they group hugged. "Where's Ben?" She asked, when they separated.
"With him." Matt responded.
"I better go there now." Ellie said. "If he knows that I am coming, he will worry if I don't show up around the time you guys told him."
"Let us take you there." Kim said, grabbing her suitcase once again.
The elevator was right behind her, so Matt stretched an arm and pushed the button so it could come down from the 10th floor. They waited in silence until the metallic doors opened in front of them. Ellie was the first to get in and took the chance to get rid of her scarf for it was too warm inside. Then Matt came in and at finally Kim with her suitcase. He was the one pressing the button that read 1, for Chris was staying at the first floor and it took just seconds to get there. A long white corridor with an orange carpet welcomed them as they got out and then Ellie waited to see which way she should follow, if left or right. Matt turned right and so did she. Chris's door was just the second door after the elevator. When they stopped, she noticed that nothing could be heard from inside the room, not even a whisper. Matt knocked and she got rid of her long coat there.
"It's us!" Matt yelled from the outside.
Soon, the noise of a locker was heard and the dark wood door opened and Ben appeared. His eyes really puffy and black bags under them. They all looked pretty tired, but Ben looked like he hadn't been sleeping at all.
"Jesus..." Ellie furrowed an eyebrow. "Have you guys been sleeping at all?" She asked.
Ben bent over her and kissed her cheek. "Hello to you too..." He smiled at her after.
"You need to rest." Ellie smiled back and then tapped his face lightly.
"He is over there." Ben pointed opening the door completely and Ellie saw Chris sitting at the edge of the bed.
His feet coming up and down nervously and his elbows resting on his knees. His air tied on a ponytail and he didn't look at her. After her first look at him, she looked at her three friends. They nodded all at the same time and though Ellie had no clue of what that meant, she knew from then on, Chris was her problem to deal with. Kim pushed her suitcase inside and gave her a sympathetic smile.
"We are around if you need us." Matt told her.
"Thanks." She told them. They smiled one last time and then they left.
Ellie left her coat and scarf on a chair and looked back at Chris one more time, who raised his head for the first time to look at her. Her eyes welled in tears and she closed the door shut at the same time. She left the suitcase at the place Kim had left it and approached him. The room was not big but seemed cozy. It had a king size bed with a white cover and orange cushions over it and in front of it there was a table with a TV and right beside it a desk with a chair in orange leather. There was a bathroom on her left side with a tub and on her right side a small wardrobe. She saw Chris's stuff inside as one of the doors was opened. The window faced the many buildings in the area with no particular landscape and they were in a lower floor. Ellie took a deep breath an approached him a little more as Chris had not moved. She stopped when she was face to face with him. There, he looked up at her and she looked down at him but no words came out.
"So..." Ellie said after a while, seeing he was not going to say anything and she was unsure what to tell him.
"What are you doing here?" He asked instead.
His tone was dry and there was not a smile or a sign of affection... nothing... Ellie curled an eyebrow and though hurt with his careless attitude, she tried to disregard it and spoke.
"What do you think I am doing here? You fucking collapsed after a show!" She exclaimed. "Chris!"
"I don't need a babysitter." He shot and got up at the same time and stopped by the window. That brought tears to her eyes again for she didn't understand why he was being so cold. "You should have stayed home." Chris added without looking back.
"Why are you talking to me like that?" She asked him. Chris closed his eyes as he heard her voice shaking a little. He was hurting her for no reason. "Why that fucking attitude?"
"It's not an attitude." Chris raised his tone as he turned around to face her and Ellie cleaned her eyes pretty fast for she didn't want him to see her cry. "They had no right to bring you here. No right!"
"Are you out of your mind?" Ellie pointed her finger at him there. Her chest coming up and down fast as she gasped a little for air as she had gotten nervous. "Of course I have to be here! You spent the night at the hospital. You blacked out right after a show. What do you think they were going to do? Do you even think how I was back home not knowing anything about you. I was waiting for your fucking call, Chris!" She stopped to breathe and he looked away, unable to face her. "You never called... how do you think I was feeling? You never do that. You always call."
"It was nothing serious." He told her.
"Nothing serious?" Ellie repeated. She gave two steps closer to him and took a hand to his arm, making him turn around to look at her again. "How can you even say that?" She frowned looking in his eyes. "Yes, it was serious." She nodded at the same time. "You are exhausted..."
"I'm fine." He yelled. "I am fucking fine!"
"They had to force to sleep, Chris." Ellie argued back.
"And now I am fine." He repeated. Ellie's eyes flooded with tears and she shook her head.
"You can't be serious..." She crossed her arms around her chest and bit her lower lip, looking away from him for brief instants. "Can't you see it, Chris?" She started again. "It is not just you and me anymore. We are about to have a baby. You have to think of her. She needs her father."
"I fucking know that." He shot. "You don't have to point that out. I know very well that we are having a baby..."
"Then act like it!" Ellie yelled. "Be responsible!"
"Ah!" He gave her a sarcastic smile. "You also expect me to cancel the shows?"
"It is the only logical thing to do!" Ellie kept yelling though she knew she should be the one calming the spirits down but he had irritated her or maybe it was the fear of losing him that was speaking louder than anything.
"Are you out of your mind?" Chris frowned and shook his head at the same time. "We need the money! We need that fucking money!" He told her.
"No!" She said firmly. "We need you first of all." She breathed. "You!" She stuck her index finger in his chest. "We need you... only you..."
"Are you telling me that I am being irresponsible, Ellie?" He asked her.
"No..." Ellie cleaned the tears of her eyes as they insisted to fall. "I am saying that you are being a jerk."
"Right..." He breathed and prepared to leave without saying anything else to her, but when he was about to do so, Ellie caught his hand and he stopped. Chris looked at her. "I am sorry." He finally said and took a deep breath. Ellie released him and he rubbed his face with both hands, trying to shake away his stress.
"I flew for six hours, Chris. I slept only two hours to be able to be here now and then some in the plane. I am exhausted. No one knows, except for my boss, that I am here. Everyone thinks that I am in Seattle. Last night, I don't know what I thought, but clearly I thought something bad had happened and I felt like my world was coming to an end because I feared somehow that I had lost you. Don't ask why..." She stopped a little to breathe. "... and I get here, anxious to see you and worried about you and you receive me as if I am your enemy..."
"I know." He told her in a low tone. Chris looked down at his bare feet and then sat on the bed. "I feel like shit..." Chris started and Ellie sat by his side, ready to listen to him. "I feel like shit because you had to come here and I put you under such stress while carrying a baby inside of you. I didn't want to, El..."
"I want you to tell me what you have been doing." She said instead. Their tone had become normal. The initial rage was left behind.
Chris shrugged. "I haven't been sleeping well."
"Just that?" Ellie insisted and he looked at her.
It was in that moment that Ellie noticed his eyes. Chris had a tired look in his blue stare. His eyes were buried inside his skull and around them a dark circle. The vivid blue of his iris was pale, as if they had lost that incredible glitter he always had had in his stare. Her heart broke right there.
"You haven't been sleeping at all." She concluded.
"I have been having trouble sleeping." He finally confessed. "I barely sleep. I got to bed when it's already morning and sleep very poor hours."
"Why?" Ellie asked him.
"I don't know... I go to bed but I don't sleep and then I distract myself writing music..."
"And then you collapse after a show." Ellie told him. "Chris... you need to rest. Is there something worrying you more now? Is something happening that you're not telling me?
"No..." He whispered looking at her. Chris looked exhausted and Ellie ran a hand over his face. "I am so sorry, babe." He added while closing his eyes to feel her caress. "I am sorry for yelling at you."
"It's ok." Ellie bent over him and kissed his lips and wrapped her arms around him after, feeling him pulling her close against his body. "Don't scare me this much again." She asked him.
"It's been hell..." He breathed.
Ellie pulled away and looked in his eyes. "Were you feeling bad during the show?" She asked. "Were you too anxious?"
"No." Chris shook his head. "I felt a little tired just that. When I got backstage, there was just this sudden black wave that clouded my mind and the next thing I was with paramedics around me."
"Are you sure, Chris?" She insisted. "Weren't you having a panic attack?" he shook his head. "Have you drank too much?" She asked after.
"No!" He exclaimed. "I wasn't even drunk..."
"How are you feeling now?" Ellie asked him, running a hand over his face, caressing his cheek.
"Tired." He confessed. "I feel tired..."
Ellie took a deep breath. "Chris, you need to cancel the shows in Philly."
He shook his head. "No, Ellie!" Chris said. "We need that money."
"I have to disagree with you." Ellie said looking in his eyes. "We are ok. We don't need desperately the money coming from these two shows."
"It's not just that." He continued. "All the logistics... we have some bills to pay and if we don't play that night not only we don't make that night's money as we also have to take money off the days we have played to pay for these bills. I can't..."
"The doctor said..." She started, but Chris got up so fast and walked away from her so she shut up and just looked at him.
"I know what the doctor said, Ellie." Chris told her. "The doctor said I shouldn't play. He said that I should rest, but we cannot do that."
"So it's better to endanger yourself?" She raised her tone again, irritated with his stubbornness. "Is that it? You sacrifice yourself favoring the band?"
"What do you want me to do?" He asked her, raising both his hands as if pleading her to stop.
"I want you to put yourself first." Ellie got up and approached him. "And then us." She added, running a hand over her 19 weeks bump.
"I can play." He affirmed. "I swear that if I rest these two days, I can play."
"I'd prefer if you didn't." She insisted.
"No." He shook his head. "That is out of question. I am playing the two nights missing in this leg of this fucking tour."
Her eyes flooded with tears. She knew he was irreducible. He would not change his mind and she was so worried about him. Just a look in his face and one could see the overtiredness carved in semblance and yet he insisted on going on stage, a place where we'd give all of him. Chris noticed her crying eyes and took a deep breath.
"Come here." He told her, grabbing her hand, and pulling her to him.
Chris wrapped his arms around her small back and Ellie buried her face against his chest and wrapped her arms around him too, inhaling the freshly washed cotton shirt he was wearing. It smelled like flowers and herbs.
"I promised it will be fine." He told her and then kissed the top of her head. "I swear, babe."
"I am afraid." She said. Her voice muffled by the fabric of his white shirt.
"Don't be. Look... I'll rest properly these two days." He suggested. "I'll be fine to play and I won't force too much on stage. How's that?"
She was going to answer him but suddenly, Ellie felt something churn inside her belly. It was very imperceptible at first, but then became insistent. Something was moving inside of her and her eyes flew opened in a rampant and she sustained her breathing. The churning continued and Chris felt something tingling lightly on his belly and he stayed still trying to understand what was happening. That tickle was coming from her belly that was against his.
"Chris..." Ellie gasped.
"What is this?" He whispered.
"It's her..." Ellie giggled and looked up at him. "It's our baby girl... she's moving..." Ellie smiled with tears that she didn't even notice running down her face. "It's Heaven, Chris."
"Oh my God..." He giggled and kissed the tip of her nose. Then, another little tingle and they both giggled looking in each other's eyes. Chris pulled away and fell on his knees, resting both hands on Ellie's belly. "Hi, sweetheart. Hi there!" He whispered while he didn't contain the tears that fell down his eyes. "This is the most amazing thing I have ever felt." He said looking up at Ellie who was so emotional as he was.
"Our baby girl..." She smiled at him.
"I love you my little princess." He said, kissing the baby bump. "I love you so much..." Chris kissed her bump again and again, making Ellie giggle. "I think about you all the time baby girl. All the time..."
"See... she was waiting for her daddy to do this." Ellie said.
"It was so amazing." He rested his face against Ellie's belly to see if she would move again, but the baby seemed quiet then. "Come on my princess..." He whispered. "Just one more time baby Heaven. Daddy wants feel you again."
"I think she found her comfort zone." Ellie said.
Chris got up and rested both hands on her shoulders. "I promise you I will be careful." He said looking in her eyes. "I swear, Ellie." Again, she noticed how his eyes were caving in.
"Did you take drugs, Chris?" She finally asked for that thought was hammering in her mind. "Tell me the truth..." Ellie pleaded.
"No." He answered quietly. "I did not."
Chris was a terrible liar. If he had taken any drugs and he didn't want her to know, when questioned about it, he would look away and stutter or he would just yell at her. None of the two happened. He was firm so she knew he wasn't lying. That was Ellie's biggest fear that he too would succumb to drug abuse.
"You are not going to jump around or climb light supporters or do any of the crazy things you usually do." She told him.
"Ok... I will slow down for these shows." He agreed and pecked her.
He would not tell her, but he was still feeling awful. He felt like never before. His body was demanding a rest, for real.
"You better because I am going to be there to kick your ass, Christopher." She told him and he smiled.
"You're staying?" Chris asked her.
"I am." She confirmed.
"Good." He said, cupping her face between his hands and pressing his lips on hers. "I want you with me."
"You didn't seem very happy to see me, I must tell you." Ellie said when he pulled away.
"Because I am so mad at myself that you had to travel this far... " He took a deep breath. "... that I put you through such stress. I am so sorry, El."
"Hey..." She wrapped her arms around his neck and stayed on the tip of her toes to kiss his lips. "I am really tired and sleepy, so we are going to go to that bed and we are both going to sleep a little, ok?" Ellie took the opportunity to make him rest a bit more.
"It's 5 in the afternoon." He argued still.
"It doesn't matter." She said walking away from him. "Close the blinders, come on." Ellie ordered.
"Ok." He nodded, knowing he really should do as she was suggesting and as his body was demanding. His head was spinning around a little.
Ellie opened the covers and adjusted the pillows on both sides and turned the light of the nightstand on, for as Chris pulled the blinders down, the room was getting dark. She needed to make him rest for she had never seen him that worn out. Chris could try to disguise it, but she knew he was not fine and her heart was torn. Then, she pulled her sweater off her head and left it on the chair and got rid of her boots and jeans after. In a shirt and panties, she slid inside the bed. Chris took off his shorts, staying in black cotton boxers and a white shirt and took the rubber band of his hair, letting it lose, and lied down beside her. Ellie pulled the covers up and Chris dragged his body closer to hers, kissing her lips.
"We have to wake up for dinner." He warned her.
"We will." She told him, pulling his hair back. "Now, close your eyes." She said kissing the tip of his nose and then his lips. "I love you."
"I love you too." Chris responded.
Ellie closed her eyes and felt his arm wrap around her waist as she turned her back at him and he spooned with her. It didn't take a minute after that before she heard his heavy breathing as he fell asleep. Ellie cried all alone that moment, letting her stress being released.
"Oh God..." She whispered really low in the dark and quickly began to clean her eyes. "Let him be fine, please. Please..." She begged. "Please, let him be ok."