Fuck. What am I doing?!
Oh my god, what is wrong with me? No, fuck. No.
I suddenly gain a bit of clarity and I look for my bra trying to clip it back on fast.
Where the fuck is my top?!
James stands in front of me flaunting it.
"Give it back, piece of shit," I yell at him.
"No. He interrupted our good time," he says. "I'll give it back after we fuck." He smirks and I get a sudden urge to slap him. This fucking pervert.
I look at him and he doesn't even seem drunk, let alone high...
He won't give it to me, no point in trying. I rush out of the bedroom, running back to the living room. In a bra.
Everyone turns to stare at me and the drunk boys start cheering. I feel extremely uncomfortable.
"Take this." Shanice hands me a hoodie.
Oh my God.
"Thank you..." I put it on and everyone is still laughing, I run to the entrance door, he is for sure leaving.
What if he already left?
I run towards the street and Louis is waiting there. Now I'm so glad he doesn't have a car.
"Louis!" I scream his name and he doesn't want to turn around.
"I'm so sorry." I walk towards him. "I didn't want to hurt you."
I'm standing right behind him and he finally turns around, I can feel his eyes piercing through my soul, he looks like he's been crying. Crying over me?
I can feel my heart shattering into a million pieces.
"What are you saying sorry for?" he asks and I cannot comprehend what he is talking about. Maybe it's the cocaine mixed with alcohol.
"What?" I ask perplexed.
"What are you saying sorry for?" he repeats himself and I think I finally get it.
"I..." I cannot bring myself to talk.
"You said nothing happened between us, so, what are you sorry for?" He comes closer to me.
"I- I don't know," I stutter.
"So you don't remember that we kissed? I was way drunker than you, Veronica."
Fuck.
I sit there in complete silence and he cups my face with his hands. I flinch, he notices, and lets go of my face.
I can only handle being touched when I'm drunk or high. When I'm sober it almost always brings me flashbacks from that morning...
"You smell like alcohol and weed, your pupils are so dilated. What are you doing?!" he interrogates me. I can feel the judgment behind his words.
He notices I ignore his question, he looks frustrated with my silence. I'm giving him no answers and he has so many doubts.
"Why James," he mutters and I can feel his breath right on my lips.
I frankly don't know why, or is it just the coke? But James got high with me, right?
My memories are so clouded, I cannot remember if he drank with me, if he did coke with me...
I don't want to tell Louis that, he will think bad of me and he will probably tell my parents, thinking he is doing the right thing.
"If that's how you want it to be..." he says in defeat as he backs off. He is disgusted by me, which brings memories of how I felt after that morning when I hated myself when I thought I was dirty. Well, I still think so.
His cab parks right in front of us.
I can see the disappointment on his face, it hurts. He takes my silence as 'I want to be with James'
He probably thinks I'm a liar, hypocrite, and a fake bitch.
"I won't tell Nicole, she doesn't deserve this kind of pain," he murmurs and his eyes get watery again.
"Goodbye, Veronica." He opens the rear door and gets inside without looking back.
My eyes flood with tears as he is slowly vanishing from my vision.
I completely break down, I try to sit on the sidewalk, trying to hold myself from tripping. I can still feel the coke and alcohol in my system, everything is hazy.
I cover my face with my hands, uncontrollably sobbing. I don't even care if someone sees me.
I feel a slight pat on my shoulder, I wipe the tears away with my hand and I turn around, hoping it's not James.
Derek is behind me, a slightly compassionate smile on his face as he looks down at me.
I bet my eyeliner is all smudged and I look like a hot mess.
"Can I sit?"
I just nod. He sits next to me, a bit more distanced than I would have expected.
"What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.
Should I tell him? Will it make me feel better?
"Didn't you see everything?"
Derek was around here anyway. Gosh, who knows who else saw the mess I caused.
"I did. But I want to hear your side of the story," he admits and we look at each other for what feels like forever.
I feel a weird sense of comfort mixed with anxiety in my stomach. My heart feels lighter.
He is not bashing me, he is mature about it, even when everything seems like it's my fault.
"Louis caught me half-naked in bed... with James on top of me."
Derek seems surprised about this information, especially since he tried to 'protect' me from him. But he isn't judging me.
Now that I think about it, I'm glad Louis interrupted, fuck, who knows what would have happened...
"I don't remember everything but... I was trying cocaine with James. Then he also gave me-"
He stops me mid-sentence and looks genuinely disrupted.
"James has asthma. He could never do cocaine without getting an asthma attack, he would also have to use his inhaler," he explains and I gasp.
Wait, what?
"Are you sure?!" I question him alarmed.
"Yes! Dominic saw him smoke and immediately use it after. Only he knows about it."
So wait, Nicole doesn't know about this? She would have probably told me.
"He took advantage of you, that piece of shit," he lashes out.
His eyes slightly darken with anger and his cheeks get flushed for a second, I think this is the first time I see him this angry.
He stands up and before I try to grab his arm, he sprints towards the entrance.
I race after him still dizzy but I don't make it in time.
"Where the fuck is James?!" Derek yells at the people in there and everyone looks surprised, but they seem ready for the drama.
James comes out of the kitchen and Derek punches him before I even get to process what is just happening.
What is he doing?!
Derek pushes him and he falls, then he grabs James by his shirt.
"You take advantage of little girls, huh?" he spits.
Everyone is watching this fight, and enjoying it. They don't care what is the reason as long as it makes their pathetic lives more interesting.
I can't lie, James deserves it. Derek did what no one dared to do.
James tries to punch him back but Derek dodges it.
It's almost hot and sweet at the same time watching him defend me.
What is wrong with me? I need to stop.
James doesn't give up and he punches Derek right in the nose, blood splattering on the wooden floor.
My knees go weak and my whole body is trembling but I try to sprint towards him. At that moment Dominic grabs me.
"Stay out of this," Dominic says and grips my arm as he pulls me out of the fight.
Some boys stop them from fighting, and everyone is judging them for ruining the 'fun'. Both of them look like a mess, James' face is swollen and red while Derek's nose is still bleeding.
What did I do... it's my fault I told him. I should have not come to this stupid party.
James goes to grab his inhaler and uses it in front of everyone, people are too astounded at this point to realize.
Derek defended and protected me from James every damn time, I could probably never thank him enough.
He goes to the bathroom to clean his nose and I grab my phone and call a cab. I genuinely just want to go home.
My head is throbbing, it's probably the withdrawal.
Ten minutes pass and I hear Derek's voice.
"Wait, Veronica!" Derek calls my name.
"I probably shouldn't have caused you this trouble but he deserved it. Are you okay?" he asks with sincerity. His face looks so red and in pain, but he is still asking me if I'm okay.
"I am... I appreciate what you did but why?" I ask him back.
"What he did was disgusting and I would never let it happen to anyone," he explains and seems honest, but I can't lie, I wish he would have said it was for me, I don't even know why.
"Maybe he learned his lesson..." I mutter.
He wraps his strong arms around me, embracing me which catches me totally off guard but it feels so nice and gentle. Even though the music is excruciating and it's so crowded, it feels like it's only the two of us.
I can feel his heart beating through his chest and I swear my heart seems to skip a beat because of how close we are.
I know I should break the hug to not make it awkward, but I can't.
He finally lets go, not before taking a second look at me and I realize I didn't wince or get any flashback when he touched me.
———
Is someone cutting onions while I'm writing?! I almost cried. Especially when I wrote about her discussion with Louis.
Thank you so much for reading, please don't forget to vote and comment what you think about this chapter!