"guess its all workin' out, now
'Cause there's still too long to the weekend
Too long till I drown in your hands
Too long since I've been a fool,"
_______CHARLIE________
The rest of the drive went by faster than either boy would have liked. There was a shield of comfort around the two of them being alone. Yet, for Charlie there still was the stickiness of words left unsaid and for Erik there was the burning to hear them. Something had shifted in the car for a moment, it was fleeting but it had happened. The music, consequently, didn't help at all but both boys seemed to have given up resisting and just enjoyed as much of it as they could. It wasn't as though they were particularly bad songs but the constant theme had become apparent even more so now. Not that either boy would do something about it. No, that bit it seemed would be entirely up to the others to make happen. Marina's Hail Mary of romance as she so proudly called it.
Charlie pulled up the winding driveway of the dirt road the cabin was on. Not too far behind them was Alex's large truck housing Darwin, Hank and Sean as well. The first vision of the cabin came into view along with the small glow of wind chimes reflecting the afternoon sun. The sound was pleasant and brought a burst of yellow tinted memories to Charlie.
"It hasn't changed a bit," Erik sighed with a huge smile.
"I suppose not," Charlie was relieved to see the familiar place. Everything in his life was ever changing but the one constant place was the cabin. There had been a nagging fear his mother felt obliged to redecorate but Charlie was relieved to see it remained solid as ever. Right down to the dusty red mailbox.
"Hey," Erik stopped Charlie before he got out of the car. A soft touch on his shoulder. Charlie hitched a breath.
"Yeah?" Charlie inquired innocently.
"I'm glad I get to do this with you, the trip I mean. For awhile I didn't think...I didn't think it would be possible. Sorry, I know you don't like to talk about it..." Erik whispered and Charlie closed his eyes.
"No, you're okay. I'm proud of us Erik, I really am," Charlie replied and together both boys got out of the car.
"Woo!! Yes!! I missed this place!!" Alex's booming voice exclaimed as he dragged his duffel behind him in delight.
Indeed, thought Charlie. He had missed this place too but more in a way where he thought he'd never see it again. He'd never feel this sun or breathe this air again. It was another reminder of just how far he had made it. He felt a hand squeeze his and he looked over to Erik who held his backpack over his shoulder.
"Come back to Earth," Erik smiled gently knowing how easy it was for Charlie to drift off, and how dangerous it could be.
"Thank you, sorry," Charlie shook out his thoughts and followed everyone up the dirt driveway.
Charlie pulled out the old key and opened the front doors of the Xavier cabin easily. The hinges creaked slightly but the interior was all the same. Some illustrious, less decorated version of the Xavier estate. The place, Charlie realized more and more, couldn't even really be considered a cabin. Cabin insinuates a homey country feel and this place was anything but. With sleek décor, yellow and peach accents and a fresh smell of pine cones the cabin came off as more a retreat than anything. Charlie sighed with a smile and set his things down in the living room along with everyone else.
Charlie couldn't help but to let out a horribly long breath he had been holding. He felt life in him that both excited and surprised him. An urgency to make decisions not based on what may be rational but what feels right. Chasing a feeling of hope that came and went as fleetingly as gust of wind. And before he even really was aware of what he was doing he grabbed Erik's hand tightly.
"Do you trust me?" Charlie asked staring into Erik's eyes.
"Of course," Erik replied and that's all Charlie needed before he ran for the back door. A surprised yelp escaped Erik but he made no attempt to break the grip.
"Charlie where are you going?" Alex shouted following suit.
"I have no idea!" Charlie let out a hardy laugh before making it to the back. Miles and miles of forest surrounded them but Charlie knew where he was going. Weaving in and out of trees, around a particularly large rock and down a somewhat steep hill. Charlie was surprised to find everyone was hot on their tail, interested in seeing what Charlie was doing.
The small lake came into view, being more of a pond really. Lily pads floated briskly along the surface of surprisingly blue water. The springs came down during the winter from the mountains and created a wildly unique filtering system that caused the hidden pond to be a light shade of blue and green. It was Charlie and Ravens favorite spot, somewhere not even the group knew about. But, Charlie was tired of not doing what he wanted in his life, no matter the severity of his internal request.
"Charlie? Is that—" Erik was asking but Charlie's feet showed no sign of slowing as they grew closer to the edge of the grass. Laughter echoed from Charlie and soaked into the nature surrounding them. Closer and closer they grew before grass became unsteady wood on a dock.
"Wait we ha-" Charlie tightened his grip on Erik's hand and jumped joyously off of the dock and into the water below. Pulling both boys down below.
_______Erik_______
Several thoughts ran through Erik's head as he fell into the water. The first being the shock of cold that caused his nerves to scream. The second was something slower in development and realization. He slowly opened his eyes to find Charlie doing the same. The biggest brightest smile was fitted on his features. There was something almost manic about it that Erik loved. There he was, his Charlie. The one he'd known his whole life. The one that drags his friends to spontaneously shocking adventures that end up cherished memories. The boy with the lion heart. Charlie was beautiful, Erik thought. Absolutely beautiful. And then a thought occurred to him. The last time he went swimming was at the beginning of summer at the party that started it all. It had been a dare then, by Sean he thinks. To jump in fully clothed and it had been Charlie who scolded him all night about it. It had also been the night Erik almost made a move. It was funny how things change. Charlie ended their summer with the same spontaneous action Erik had started it with. Only this time Charlie was happier than he had been all summer.
"Make way!" Darwin's voice boomed as the remaining boys jumped into the water.
One word came to Erik in that moment. A moment spent so perfectly under the protective warmth of the summer sun and the delicate chill of the pond. One word to describe the nostalgia and happiness he felt watching Charlie splash Sean. Home.
~~~~
When the girls finally did make it to the Cabin all the boys were still outside. While they changed their clothes, their hair still remained damp and their shoes remained hanging over the banister outside. It took them all a few hours to clean up the grill and set up the bonfire area for the week. And luckily the girls had gone grocery shopping, successfully stocking the pantry for the wild appetites to come. Erik found himself collecting wood for tonight's campfire. His mind was still reeling with the high of earlier. He wished he had a camera in that moment, to capture Charlie.
"Hey, need a hand?" Charlie's voice cut into the silence and Erik turned to see him holding a few sticks.
"Yeah, sure," Erik smiled. Charlie was practically glowing which wasn't good news for a pining heart. He wore a black t-shirt and jeans, a simple outfit that was doing a number on Erik. Charlie never wore black, he preferred bright colors that popped against his freckles and blue eyes. Never black, he felt it washed him out. But, he couldn't be more wrong Erik realized.
"Raven was mad I let you go out here by yourself. Said she could take care of unpacking and stuff while we were out here. I think Darwin's going to grill some hot dogs since it's getting late. Day went by fast, huh?" Charlie rambled and Erik hummed.
"Yeah, but it was fun. Never thought I'd see the day Charles Xavier jumped into a body of water like that. It was, uh, good to see you like that again." Erik complimented and Charlie smiled softly.
"Yeah, It felt good. I don't think I've done a lot I wanted this summer and I-I just...it just felt like the right thing to do."
"Well, listen to your gut more often. Keeps me on my toes," Erik winked before lifting up a hefty log. It took him three seconds to realize what he'd done. You winked at him?! Erik felt heat rise in his own cheeks as he quickly tucked his head down pretending to look for more wood. Why had he winked? Erik felt panic rise in his stomach.
"Me keeping you on your toes? The tables sure have turned," Charlie replied with a chuckle patting Erik's back gently. Erik felt electricity sprout from where Charlie had touched him. And his mind ran wild with possibilities before halting suddenly on a thought. As he remembered Charlie's face in the car mere hours ago.
Erik, listen I need to tell you some—
He had wanted to say something important. Something that had been bothering him, that much Erik could tell. His eyes were nervous, hands clasped tightly. What had it been? And why had he refused to tell him?
"Hey, Charlie, wait up. What did you want to say earlier in the car? It sounded important," Erik asked. Charlie froze as he held the sticks in his arms tightly. He was facing away and straight forward. Erik frowned, unable to see his face he was unsure of what expressions were there.
"Hm? What...what do you mean?" Charlie spoke, sounding lost.
"Earlier in the car before Darwin and Alex interrupted."
"Oh, uh, nothing it doesn't matter," Charlie assured, "we better get back food ought to be ready by now."
And before Erik could stop him Charlie was making a beeline for the cabin leaving little to no room for remaining conversation.
________________________
The plan was simple really, nothing too complicated that would raise alarms to an already suspecting Charles. Raven, Emma, Angel and Marina sat in what would be their room at the cabin. Hushed whispers swimming between them as they discussed the plan, the plan that as soon as the boys were done with the dishes would be executed. They'd kept pretty much everyone else in the dark about this except Hank and Darwin. Nothing against Alex and Sean of course except that the two had no idea how to keep a secret for their lives. The two of them had managed to spoil three surprise parties, separately, within the same four years. It was some mixture of Alex's horrible acting skills and Sean's affinity to ramble mindlessly that caused quite the disaster. So, when considering the love lives of Erik and Charlie the group thought it best to keep them in the dark for now.
"I can't believe you wrote this in two hours, you're mad," Raven shook her head as she read over the lyrics again.
"Yeah two hours after three days of wasting paper." Marina rolled her eyes.
"Doesn't matter how long it took you, it's an amazing song. And I hope to God it will work." Emma cut in with a smile.
"Oh, it will. We practiced the whole way here in the van. This is our Hail Mary as they say. If this doesn't slap some sense into them I don't know what will." Angel strummed softly on her guitar.
"If this doesn't slap sense into them then I might just push their faces together at this point." Raven huffed and everyone laughed at the image of Raven shoving Erik and Charlie together.
A soft knock on the door caused everyone to widen their eyes and quickly cover up evidence of anything out of the ordinary.
"C-come in," Raven called out.
"Just me, guys. Everyone is getting ready for the fire outside. Might want to join the group, unless you want to risk arousing suspicion?" Darwin suggested with a quirked brow.
"Okay, let's do this," Raven clapped and together they all joined the others outside.
The firepit wasn't too far from the cabin's back porch. Simple in design, the cobblestone centerpiece was a considerable size. It was surrounded by four wooden benches that sat low to the ground and far away enough that one could curl into blankets without catching fire. The once empty space was filled with sticks and logs that Charlie and Erik had collected earlier and stacked upon their return. Now, everyone was curling up in the benches as Alex and Sean attempted to start whatever sort of fire they could. It was an attempt they made every year with the same sorry result. You would assume they would get better at it but without fail it always ended in Charlie just using the Firestarter.
"Still doing this?" Marina shouted in a teasing tone.
"We are going to get it this year! We don't need Charlie's stupid Firestarter," Alex shouted hopefully.
"They do this every year, some Neanderthal attempt at starting a fire. The thing is they refuse to do it correctly or even watch a video explaining how, so it ends with Charlie starting the fire every time." Marina explained to Emma.
"Ah, I see," Emma giggled.
"Hey, where's Erik and Charlie?" Angel cut in.
Erik was hesitant to ask at first, the words getting caught like spiderwebs on his tongue. The tension when they got back to the cabin was no secret. Erik had pressed a button and Charlie clearly wasn't ready to discuss whatever it was he was going to earlier. Over dinner it got better and by time they were done doing the dishes conversation was back to flowing effortlessly and all tension had melted away. So, as Charlie rambled and dried the last dish Erik found himself staring. There wasn't much else he could do but he didn't mind. Charlie's words were fast paced and slightly choppy in thought causing Erik to smile. He could be happy, he thought. He could be content if things stayed this way, he didn't need much more from Charlie. His company was enough, his words were enough. But, maybe just for tonight...he could be selfish and ask for a little more.
"Anyways, I told her she could--is everything okay?" Charlie turned and saw Erik staring.
"Oh, uh, yeah sorry I was just going to ask if you wanted to sit together at the fire. I packed this huge blanket," Erik asked timidly. Charlie's face softened as he nodded.
"Of course, you didn't even have to ask," Charlie shrugged.
"Cool, okay well let me go grab the blanket. I'll meet you outside," Erik walked backwards before turning to hide the smile that was growing quickly on his features.
__________CHARLIE_________
Charlie sat beside Erik in what many may consider too close a proximity, but he blamed the cold for that. The blanket Erik had brought smelled of fresh detergent and vanilla lavender candles. It smelled like home to Charlie, the same scent that stuck to many of his things when he lived with Erik. Erik was roasting his marshmallow seeming to be at peace with himself. The flickering shades of red and yellow soaked and illuminated his skin in the most daring way. He looked like a hero, testing the flame to grow. Erik looked gorgeous, all power and confidence. Charlie knew he loved Erik, he'd admitted it to himself dangerously. Yet, the power of that statement still surprised him at times. Like right now, sitting beside him with the overwhelming desire to just...how dangerous a line Charlie walked these days.
"Shit, I forgot the--" Erik looked around for a graham cracker and Charlie chuckled.
"Got it," he held out his hands each with a graham cracker and chocolate at the ready. Erik hurriedly made his smore and held it in his hand.
"Thank you," Erik took a huge bite and Charlie let laughter bubble in his chest at the sight of him. Mouth covered in chocolate with the most boyish wonder in his eyes. Oh, Erik...
"You've got a little," Charlie motioned to Erik's face before rolling his eyes and wiping it off himself with his hoodie sleeve. It was an action he did without thinking and the wide look on Erik's face caused Charlie to freeze. One hand on Erik's cheek the other frozen in midair and covered in chocolate.
"I..." Charlie sputtered out.
"Hey, before we all get too tired or too philosophical Angel and I wanted to share something with you guys." Marina spoke, catching the attention of everyone. Charlie and Erik cleared their throats and brought their attention to Marina. Charlie's hand still stung from contact with Erik.
"Yeah, actually Marina and I have started working on our first album. We are juggling ideas and still working out the kinks but last week we managed to finish the first song. And since you all are our willing lab rats, we'd like to get your opinion on it," Angel cut in.
"As your manager I'm gutted this is the first I'm hearing of this," Charlie pretended to be hurt as he held his heart comically.
"Oh shove off, we wanted it to be a surprise," Angel rolled her eyes.
"Come on guys I've been dying to hear this," Raven interrupted.
"Thank you, okay, ready?" Marina looked to Angel who held the guitar close with a nod.
Charlie watched in awe as Angel began strumming a rather beautiful melody. It hung in the air and danced around them like a warm hug. All the years he'd heard these two girls play together and never once did it fail to surprise him. Their music was a tether for them all, the beacon in the night. Charlie felt Erik scoot closer to him as Marina began singing and for once he didn't feel panic or awkwardness. Instead he found himself leaning into Erik despite the many reasons not to do this to himself.
Remember when we first met?
You said, "Light my cigarette"
So I lied to my mom and dad
And jumped the fence and I ran
But we couldn't go very far
'Cause you locked your keys in your car
So you sat and stared at my lips
And I could already feel your kiss
Marina's voice was enchanting and often caused the listener to get lost but for the first time Charlie's attention was caught elsewhere. The lyrics hit his eardrums and settled there. They were familiar in a way he couldn't quite put a finger on. A memory was digging itself to the surface of his mind, a small itch. And maybe he would have thought deeper if it weren't for the contentment he felt.
Long nights, daydreams
Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool
But strawberries and cigarettes
always taste like you
Headlights, on me
Racing to 60, I've been a fool
But strawberries and cigarettes
always taste like
Blue eyes, black jeans
Lighters and candy, I've been a fool
But strawberries and cigarettes
always taste like you
And almost simultaneously to the words leaving Marina's mouth Charlie's heart rate picked up. The memory that once itched his mind now was center stage in his thoughts. It was the night that he had realized he would be bound to Erik. Whether it was in the way he wished or not, it was a thought process he held aloud. It was almost a gut punch to realize it all. Why they had all been so adamant Erik and Charlie do things together today. Why Raven ditched the car ride. It was leading to this, a song in the night. Confessions of others leaving the tongue of someone else. Charlie felt a panic rise within him, what if Erik realized? Tears began to well up in his crystalline eyes. Flashes of imagery dancing in his mind. Waking up in Erik's arms, Erik's soft words lulling him back to sleep after a nightmare. The sun shining through the window and hitting him like an angel's halo. His messy smile in the morning, all crooked teeth and tired eyes. The scars that raised small bumps on his skin. Nights spent patching up his injury. It all flashed one after the other and his chest squeezed with such an intense longing it hurt.
And even if I run away
Give my heart a holiday
Still strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you
You always leave me wanting more
I can't shake my hunger for
Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you
Yeah, they always taste like you you
Long nights, daydreams
With that sugar and smoke rings
Always taste like you
Tears fell down Charlie's face as he listened. One sticking out in particular "give my heart a holiday". It's exactly the logic he used when he started dating...when he started dating Jack years ago. A distraction from Erik, something to feed his need to be loved and to love. He had been running from it all for so long, the heaviness on his back, the panic in his heart. It was always that love for Erik. That reminder that no matter who he kissed it was never going to be who he wanted. No matter who he went out with it was never right. It always felt a little wrong. And now here he was confronted with it all in the form of a song. He bit his lip to keep from fully sobbing. He wasn't necessarily sad, he was overwhelmed and lost. The boy he had become so head over heels for was right next to him, his heartbeat could be heard. Why couldn't Charlie just...just be brave enough?
Headlights, on me (and even if I run away)
Racing to 60, I've been a fool (and give my heart a holiday)
Still, strawberries and cigarettes always taste like
Blue eyes, black jeans (you always leave me wanting more)
Lighters and candy, I've been a fool (I can't shake my hunger for)
Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you
Angel and Marina echoed each other in a haunting call to Charlie. He felt his chest shake horribly as the song came to a close. It was silent for a moment, everyone overwhelmingly taken aback by the beauty of the song. Then an eruption of cheers and claps. Raven looked at Charlie for any sign that he understood and instead she found her brother clearly panicking. Guilt and regret struck her heart.
"Charlie what did you thi—hey are you okay? What's wrong?" Erik looked over to Charlie who was staring at the fire, tears still falling.
"I-I can't... I have to...I'm going to bed," Charlie wiped his face and threw off the blanket fiercely. HIs eyes were planted to the door as he ran towards it like a lifeline. Everyone was silent as it slammed shut, echoing through the forest around them. Erik frowned as he stared at the place where Charlie once sat. His warmth was horribly missed by the cool gusts of wind hitting his skin.
"What just happened?" Erik asked looking at Marina, Raven and Angel who looked guilty. Erik felt frustration rumble in his chest as he bore into their eyes.
"Erik, listen we didn't me--"
"What did you do?" Erik begged and they looked at each other.
"We can't...we can't tell you," Raven spoke softly looking at her hands.
"He was finally okay! He was finally himself again! Why do you lot always have to meddle?" Erik nearly shouted, standing up and heartbroken. He finally had him back and now he was gone again. Erik felt his chest squeeze as he ran after Charlie praying he wasn't too far gone. Hoping the light hadn't gone out in his eyes again.
_____________________
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this extra long chapter! More to come soon, don't want to say too much ;)
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