- A m a r a R u s s o -
"Wake up."
Santino's annoying as hell's voice busted into my senses as I woke up, eyes still hazy and unfocused as I stared at him.
I hadn't gotten much sleep last night.
Not like it's unusual anymore.
With my frequent nightmares at everything going on and my refusal to tell Salvestro anything during our therapy sessions, the voices and night terrors were just getting worse with each passing night.
Every time I closed my eyes, I was plagued with the images of dead bodies surrounding me, and the possible gruesome deaths I may have to face with the Mafia coming after me. What possible ways I might die. And it was taking its toll on me.
Before the Christmas party, I was making good progress even with the voices in my head once every few hours. I had an almost fit body, and I was actually gaining some weight.
Now?
I haven't been eating well nowadays, causing my weight to drop down. I also had huge bags under my eyes, proving that I was not sleeping enough. Although Salvestro tried to get me to talk to him, I usually completely shut down on him instead. This caused our therapy session to just be sat in silence unlike before where we could actually have a decent conversation without my fear overtaking me.
My grades may say otherwise, but I'm not stupid. I know that my mental state is declining, and I know that I should get help. The things stopping me? The voices.
Who knew that the voices could have such a powerful influence on me? I didn't, at least not until after the Christmas party.
"Good morning to you too." I muttered to Santino, who rolled his eyes.
"Salvino and I are waiting in the gym." he told me. "We expect you there in ten minutes."
With that, he slammed the door shut, almost making it splinter as I saw a few pieces of wood break off from the hinges of the door.
I jumped off the bed, my nerves a jumbled mess as I shakily got into the bathroom, trying my best to comb out my unruly hair. I looked at the mirror, only to jerk my eyes away immediately at what I saw.
I looked worse than yesterday.
My cheeks were sunken today, and the dark circles under my eyes were more pronounced. Not only that, but my eyes were red and puffy, indicating that I was probably silently crying while I slept.
Thank God for small mercies.
If I had yelled in my sleep, only God knows what my brother's reactions would be. They'd probably force all the secrets I've been hiding out of me, and that's saying something.
My lips were dry, and I honestly resembled someone who just came out of torture. Technically, I did come out of torture if the lack of sleep and the constant horror-filled visions I had counted. Mental torture, would fit better for this phrase.
"Amara!"
A banging on my door cut me out of my thoughts and I rushed to open it, my toothbrush still in my mouth as I gingerly opened the door.
"Hmm?" I said, mouth full of toothpaste as I stared at... Salvino?
"Oh my beloved potatoes," Salvino murmured, and I had to keep in my laughter at his words. "You look like you just came out of hell."
And my mood dropped.
"Such a nice thing to say at..." I checked the time. "Six in the morning."
"I know," nodded Salvino, not detecting the sarcasm in my tone. Or maybe he's just ignoring it. The latter fits better for Salvino. Only Sandeo would be too oblivious to notice.
"Whatever," I muttered, and shut the door in his face.
Did I mention that my mood swings were out of the world these days? One minute I'd be a crying mess, and the next, I was a raging inferno ready to burn everything in its path. There wasn't one moment, where I was actually enjoying the day as I was either always depressed or indignant about something.
I got on an oversized t-shirt, too lazy to look for one as I got a pair of shorts that didn't go well with the shirt I chose.
I was wearing a pair of neon green shorts and a yellow t-shirt. It wasn't that bad was it?
Shrugging my hair into a ponytail, I managed to tie it properly and was at their indoor gym in no time. Knocking on the locked door that could only be opened with a fingerprint that didn't have mine registered on it yet, Salvino opened the door, already slightly sweating from whatever thing he was doing before I arrived.
Honestly, I had no idea how the twins managed to find the strength within themselves to get up earlier than six in the morning, just to go workout for over an hour straight.
I was just here for an hour, where they would stop whatever they were doing to come and teach me a few things. I always came out with an extra bruise or two on my body. Nothing worse than that though, as I wasn't here to get thrown around like a doll. But here to learn from experience as Santino had nicely explained to me.
"You're finally here." Santino drawled, putting down his weights as he sauntered over to me.
"Well I had to come here." I retorted, my irritation spiking. See what I mean by 'constant mood swings'?
"True," Salvino murmured out loud. "Anyways, get on the mat. Do some stretching. We'll be watching from the side as we finish what we're doing."
This was only the fifth or so practice with them, and I was already getting the hang of what they wanted me to do while stretching.
Pretty much, they wanted me to spend fifteen minutes on stretching out my muscles so that they won't get cramped up during our training. Honestly, I don't know why it mattered so much but they're the experts and I sort of had to do this or risk taking on Salvatore's wrath. I preferred the former.
"Yes, Sir." I muttered, and I saw Santino's jaw tick, but he ignored my words as he went back to his weight thingy. Yeah, I loved poking at him, trying to provoke him into doing something that would get him in trouble. Antagonizing him was also my favourite hobby now that I had nothing to do at home, which was just an extra bonus when trying to pique his temper.
Starting with a few stretches they showed me during our first class, I took off my shoes, starting with a simple leg stretch for my right leg.
"You done?" Salvino called out fifteen minutes later.
My entire body was stretched taut, and my muscles were already sore from exertion. I had horrible stamina, and I had to start building it up if I wanted to do good in volleyball.
"Yeah," I replied, and slipped back on my running shoes.
"That's good. Go run for ten minutes. We'll join you."
With that, he took off running around the gym, his brother at his heels as I sighed, picking up my legs forcefully as I dragged my body around the gym. Barely managing to keep up with their long legs, I was panting in seconds as I sprinted to catch up with them.
"You guys," I panted, "Have. To slow. Down." I gasped between each one or two words, and Santino looked back at me.
"No." he answered, and my ire spiked as I glared at him.
"Don't do that. You either need to grow," he started, "Or start building up your stamina. As it doesn't seem like you'll be growing any time soon, you'll just have to build up your stamina."
He was smirking by the end of his sentence, and I literally had steam coming out of my ears as I fumed in silence, opting to zip my mouth shut before things got out of hand. Look at me acting all mature.
My lips pulled into a thin line at his words, as I followed him and Salvino, running around the gym in awkward silence until we were done our run.
"Alright, stop."
With those words, we slowed into a face-paced walk until Salvino deemed us calm enough to get a drink of water.
"Get over here." ordered Santino, and I raised my eyebrows in surprise, but didn't say anything.
In the last few sessions we've had, all they've taught me was balance and how to quickly shift my weight from one side to the other without falling and losing my balance. It was more like doing yoga than doing self-defence, but who am I to complain? I'd rather not have any contact with Santino and Salvino.
"Now, I want you to get the five-pound weights." Salvino commanded, and I huffed, walking back to where I came from to get the weights.
"Verbal answers, Amara!" Santino called out, and I scowled.
"Yes, Sir." I muttered loud enough for the both of them to hear as I dragged the two five-pound weights in either of my hands.
"I want you to follow what Santino and I do." Salvino told me. "Put one of them down, and hold the other one at the top with two hands. Make sure that you have a tight grip on the top so that you don't drop it."
He gestured with his own hands, showing me how it is done as he held his weight with the palm of his two hands. The top and bottom parts of the weight were in shapes of octagons, and he held the top with his two palms so that the other side dangled towards the floor.
Copying his motions, the weight felt tiny in my hands, but was decently heavy as I held it close to my chest. My elbows were held tightly near my chest as Salvino demonstrated with himself.
"Spread your feet shoulder length apart." he continued, and while Santino got his stuff from the weight rack, I followed Salvino's instructions.
"And squat."
With that, he squatted down, his leg muscles bulging as he came back up.
"Well? What are you waiting for?" he demanded, and I quickly got into position, letting my legs bring me down into a squat position before I slowly came back up.
"Your form needs a bit of work." Santino commented.
"Well why don't you do it then if you think you're the best?" I retorted, rolling my eyes.
"Nah," Santino declined, as if I was offering him to do something. This is why he's probably my least favourite brother, Salvatore and Salvino close behind. "But I can give you some constructive criticism."
Constructive criticism, my ass. He's just going to insult me.
Before I could open my mouth to object to his idea, he was already plowing on.
"Your knees shouldn't be going past your ankles, toes at best." Santino told me. That wasn't so bad, he was beginning with a good start. "And you're doing just that. You play volleyball, you should know how to squat properly. Did all those after school volleyball practices teach you nothing?"
Forget it. He wasn't starting off nice.
"Your legs are also not bending correctly. It isn't good for your joints to be bending in any direction other than the way your toes are facing."
And on he went, listing all of my mistakes as he criticized me with no mercy. It came to the point where I had tears in my eyes as I silently cursed at myself.
"You know what?" I growled, control snapping. "I've dealt with this for days. I'm tired of this shit. Stop treating me like a piece of crap that you could just throw away, It's getting annoying, and I'm done. So done. I don't know who pisses in your cereal everyday, Santino, but go to hell!"
With that, I was storming away, tears of frustration leaking from my eyes as the voice edged me on, encouraging my behaviour.
"You messed up big time." I heard Salvino whisper to his twin.
Damn right he did.
~
"Bambina," Salvestro's exasperated voice came through my bedroom door.
I stayed silent, turning in my bed so that I didn't face the door and could pretend that I didn't hear him.
Honestly, I expected Salvestro to come in any second now. They still hadn't replaced the lock in my bedroom or bathroom, and I was getting super irritated. How was I supposed to trust them if they don't even trust me by myself?
I. Had. No. Privacy.
The knocking became obnoxiously louder, and I huffed, ignoring the persistent knocking that was on my door.
"Bambina," Salvestro said softly, "Wanna open the door for me?"
Not answering, I pulled the cover over my head, trying to block out his words. I'm staying angry at them. No way am I forgiving them. Not yet at least, and Salvestro's kind nature isn't exactly strengthening my resolve.
That's why they probably sent Salvestro to try and coerce me into forgiving them. That thought sent a hot new wave of fury over me, and I gritted my teeth clenching my fist around the blankets. I knew that Salvestro would open the door any minute now. It was inevitable.
Anddd, he opened the door.
Grunting, I turned onto my stomach, tightening my hold on the blankets as I shoved my face into my bed sheets.
"Bambina..." Salvestro said gently.
The feeling of the corner of my bed dipping told me that Salvestro had come to sit on my bed as I acted as if he wasn't there.
Salvestro, obviously having an infinite amount of patience, just sat down beside me, his hand on my calf as he stroked it softly, humming a tune as his mind wandered.
"Alright," Salvestro said, "Let's go. You have school, remember?"
Right. School.
Groaning quietly, I got off the bed and padded towards the closet, putting on my sweater and getting out my bag from the side.
Completely giving Salvestro the cold shoulder - my disdain - I stormed out of my bedroom and down the stairs. I gave everyone scornful glares as I hopped into the car, slamming the door shut as a pair of wise twins kept their mouths shut even if a vein was ticking on their forehead.
Yeah, be scared of me. You should be.
"Amar-"
"What?" I snapped, aggressively shoving my seatbelt, only for it to get stuck as I pulled. Annoyed, I let it go so that it could snap back into place, and did it again, making sure that I went slower this time.
"Amara, I-"
"Just be quiet." I asserted, looking out the window as Salvestro came into the garage, a deep frown on his mouth as he showed his opinion of my attitude.
Whatever. I am entitled to what I was feeling right now, and no one could tell me otherwise. Not until I've actually calmed down enough to talk about it.
~
"Alright, class!"
My geography teacher had a bounce in her step as she motioned towards the board.
"For your information," she paused, before taking a deep dramatic breath. "I will be having a final exam next month!"
Groans resounded across the classroom as I slammed my face onto the table, many other people recuperating my actions as our whole class voiced our objections and disapproval at the idea.
"Oh, it's not that bad." my lovely teacher shushed us. "Look, I'll even give you a revision sheet!"
With those words, she was handing out a packet of sheets, and when I received mine, I was counting the pages, one by one.
You have got to be kidding me. Seventeen pages, double sided?
"This is a lot," murmured Elena, and I felt my insides quench.
If Elena was saying that this was a lot, it must be a lot.
"This revision sheet is hard," she continued to comment, oblivious of my fear. "I don't really remember any of this."
With each word spoken, my heart lurched downwards as I started flipping through the page reading one of the pages.
What are the ten top countries in poverty, and why are they in this condition?
The top ten countries in poverty, and why they are in poverty? How would I know this crap?
"This may seem like a lot," my teacher started, and I rolled my eyes discreetly. No shit sherlock. "But it actually isn't."
That's what all teachers say.
"Everything here," she motioned towards the packet in her hand. "Is just everything I taught you in the last few months. It isn't that hard. I'm sure you can go back to your old tests, review your mistakes, and recall the past material."
Right... My geography average at the moment was seventy-six percent, and I've had eight geography quizzes, four geography tests, and two geography projects already. This exam is not going to boost my mark up at all.
The most it'll do is either stabilize my average, or let it drop lower. The latter is more believable as my grades have been dropping lower and lower each passing day thanks to my lack of sleep and lack of nutrition in my body.
My brain is literally dead these days. I can't focus much in class, and when I do, the words the teachers say never register into my brain. The only subjects that I am truly enjoying these days are Visual Arts and Physical Education.
Since I rarely do art these days thanks to me literally never being alone, I literally take advantage of art class, drawing my own drawings while there, and taking whatever the teacher assigns to us for that day as homework.
"Hey, Amara." Elena whispered, "Do you want to maybe come over to my house for the weekends? Maybe we can do some studying together."
"You want to study with me?" I asked in shock, and she shrugged.
"We can help each other." she replied with a shrug, and I nodded slowly.
"Alright," I answered with a bit of hesitation in my tone, "But I'll have to ask Salvatore first."
"No worries," she said, a small smile on her face as we tuned out the over-enthusiastic teacher. "Just tell me what he says."
"You want to study today?" I questioned.
"No, of course not." She laughed lightly, giving me a playful swat on the arm as I let out a sigh of relief.
That means that I still had time to try and persuade Salvatore into letting me to go her house.
I was one percent sure he'll let me go, ninety-nine percent sure he'll start swearing and cursing me out for asking a question I already know the answer to.
***
Guys, I have made my decision... But I will tell you guys when I have finalized it. What I can tell you though, is that I am probably going to be giving you all options by Chapter 40, and I will need your help to decide, so look out for that!
Anyways, back onto happier matters, there won't be too much drama in the next few chapters... I think. Actually, don't trust me. I don't know for sure yet. But other than that, I can promise y'all that you will be going on one hell of a ride soon, so buckle up your seat belts and be prepared for a fun journey with me!
I hope you all enjoyed reading this super calm chapter, and next chapter should be out by Saturday!
Stay safe guys!
~ CRAZY40429 💋
QotC: What is one of your assumptions about me?
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