(A/N): Happy early new years everyone!! 🎆🎊
So as you knew if you read my last announcement I had decided to finish off 2020 on a personal high note, something that I've wanted to do for a long time now: My comeback to YHANM and to writing!
I am so happy to be back and really hope that you all will like this turning-point of a chapter we're starting with here. Please leave feedback if you can as I'm trying to figure out writing again as well as trying out new things. Either way, thank you very much for reading and supporting my story. I am forever thankful to all the wonderful readers who keeps me going.
My wish is to get back to regular and frequent updates again, but we'll see how it works out for me considering everything else I have going on in life. But now starting off I plan to post the next chapter in a little less than two weeks; the eleventh of January.
This chapter will start with the same last scene as last chapter ended with, but now from Levi's perspective. So reread the ending scenes of the last chapter if it was a long time ago since you read it last.
Enjoy! xx
Levi's POV
Levi was feeling lighter at heart than he had felt in a long time and so ended up surprising even himself upon sharing a genuine sort of laugh with Eren. The sound of himself chuckling in a relaxed manner was... foreign, even to his own ears. But apparently there was something about the younger man and their relationship that unraveled him. It was both a pleasant and a little unsettling feeling, but nevertheless he chose to welcome it.
Eren fell quiet and Levi could tell from the corner of his eyes that he was looking straight up into the sky now wearing an emotional, almost a little tense, look over his face. Levi followed his gaze with mild interest, studied the stars above them and wondered what it was about them that supposedly had given him that look.
"Levi" he suddenly heard him say, emotions clear in his voice. Levi looked back at his lover but was caught off guard upon meeting his eyes. The eyes that usually stuck out with their beautiful ocean cyan now had a golden shade to them in the dark starry night; and with the gold apparently came multiple emotions. His lips were parted, his eyebrows slightly creased and the small muscles around his eyes created a yearning look. For some reason the expression looked tense and almost a little pained, maybe worried, but at the same time he was looking at him with signs of affection or longing for something. Levi let out a quiet curse and almost instinctively reached for him. Levi was very familiar with looking at pained expressions on people. He couldn't quite read what exactly Eren was feeling or why those emotions suddenly had struck him, but recognizing those parts somehow made his heart sink a little. "Kiss me?" the young man then suddenly asked just as Levi's hand reached him and he took a hold of his arm.
Ahh... Levi thought as a realization of the serious mood that had fallen over them hit him. Are we really going there, already?
"Fuck, Levi" Eren then said, his tone impatient, pulled him towards him and kissed him. Levi felt his heart once again soften at the familiar way he acted. Eren was someone who felt so much but struggled to express it, unless he could express it physically. But knowing that, this sudden and pretty desperate kiss told him that there was something that he wanted to say but for some reason couldn't. And although Levi kind of had avoided to think about it, he did know Eren and their relationship well enough to be able to guess what it was.
Love and relationships at his age were usually a lot more focused on what was practical and comfortable rather than passionate. And although Eren was pleasantly uncomplicated, he was definitely passionate. Certainly not towards everything, but towards a selected few it was clear that when he did start to care, he really cared about it; ending up strong-willed, focused and emotional in a raw, unedited way towards that selected person or purpose, ready to give himself over completely to the things he believed in. And apparently he believed in Levi... and in the two of them together.
Levi had never thought that he would find such a person as attractive as he found Eren, but those raw emotions somehow drew him in. Awoke him from his usual pace and made him live a little more relaxed, changed his priorities and brought back parts of him that he hadn't seen in a long time. He was still very much himself, yet with Eren he felt things and acted in ways he hadn't before in years and years. Ever since their first meeting he had repeatedly surprised himself by his own behavior, the amount of aspects that he accepted for his sake and the amount of situations he even found some enjoyment in all of a sudden; all just because it was together with Eren Yeager. He usually detested sharing beds, but with him it was worth the mess and disturbances and he wasn't even bothered anymore by the soft type of intimacy it often came with. He was usually not the kind of man who had any appreciation for cute or sweet things, but he found his heart soften for Eren's adorable side that occasionally surfaced. He liked the way he smiled, he liked the way he looked when he was embarrassed or excited or would tease and joke with him. He was always so expressive and full of life; traits in a person that he normally would expect to mostly be annoyed by, but with him he liked it all, and maybe even admired it. Furthermore Eren was brave and different and continuously surprised him, every time he thought he had the young man all figured out he went and did something unexpected.
Levi might be a man who for a long time had watched out to not get too attached to things and he wasn't eager to admit it; but he was no fool. So all things considered, there really was no way that he wouldn't have noticed what was going on with his own feelings when it came to this particular messy brat. He had avoided confronting it, but inside he had known about it for a while already... He loved him.
And now, the way that the youngster desperately was kissing him revealed that he was feeling the same, but also that he won't admit it yet. Levi didn't know why that was, but he did know that he couldn't admit it quite yet either because there was still one serious thing he wanted to talk to him about which had to go first to not sour things. Levi wasn't a man who was good at taking caution to people's feelings, but he really tried to be careful with Eren's. He had to, because Eren just deserved to be treasured.
He let Eren lead the kiss as he wanted to see where he would take this.
"Levi" Eren breathed and rested his forehead against Levi's, still holding his arms over his broader shoulders.
"Mmm?" Levi hummed and let a hand slowly caress his side. Eren let out a small sigh and leaned into his touch and Levi let him. Sweetly embracing each other like this certainly wasn't his cup of tea, but again, with him it wasn't so bad.
"...What are you thinking about?" Eren suddenly asked, catching him a little off guard. Levi let go of him and took a small step back. Eren didn't seem to mind or be surprised by it, but he did however seem to not quite know what to do with his hands now that they were empty, so he put them in his pockets awkwardly. Levi couldn't help but to chuckle at the sight. He was quite endearing, this kid.
"I was thinking about you, of course" he then replied truthfully, with a slight smirk. Eren let out a flustered sounding short laugh and looked down to the ground. Oh love... When will he realize that him looking embarrassed just makes me want to make him even more embarrassed? he thought to himself, amused. "Seems like I'm always thinking about you these days" he added with a small and teasing but also genuine smile. This made Eren pull another flustered grimace and turn his gaze out over the water.
"Yeah. Me too" he replied while still looking out over the bridge railing.
"...Truthfully, I'm trying to figure you out" Levi said, tilted his head and let his eyes bore into the younger man's side profile, interested in studying his reactions. He had decided that it was long overdue to ask about that one thing that had bothered him since earlier. Eren looked back at him with a mildly surprised look.
"Yeah? I thought you already had me all figured out" he replied, now wearing a slight smirk.
"And so I've thought many times as well but somehow you just keep surprising me". This time his reply made Eren pull a full blown smirk.
"I am full of surprises" he agreed, grinning, but then seemed to turn slightly more serious again. "Good or bad surprises though?"
"Good ones, but also some with concerns" Levi replied truthfully.
"Concerns?" Eren asked, looking and sounding undoubtedly nervous while now shifting uncomfortably on the spot. Levi had made people around him look like that countless of times, but for once it wasn't entirely easy on him to do so.
"So when I had the taxi pick you up earlier today" he started and observed as Eren's expression shifted into one of realization... Levi hadn't seen the texts immediately when he had sent them, but a little later while they both were at the gallery. If it had been just the first one he wouldn't have thought too much about it, since it could be taken as just Eren joking around, but due to the second one there wasn't any doubt about it; when the taxi had come to pick him up at the hotel with a handwritten note from Levi, Eren had for some reason gotten enough genuinely worried about that it wasn't in fact Levi, but something shady, to actually take precautions. Precautions that didn't seem like him at all.
Not sure if my sexy ass is currently getting kidnapped or if it's just you showing off
And then the second one, that had arrived about eight minutes later:
hopefully it's just you showing off but if not the license plate is TDF 394
"Would you tell me about why you sent those texts? Is there anything or anyone in your life that makes you feel threatened?" Normally he wouldn't take initiatives to ask Eren about potentially emotional issues since he had learned early on that certain topics made the younger man uncomfortable, as well as that if he instead just let it be Eren tended to eventually open up about those things on his own accord. He could tell that sometimes there was a lot of old pain and frustrations hidden behind all that humor and easygoingness, but that was ok. Those weren't gonna kill him so they could take their time with them, but if there was something that as of right now made Eren feel threatened then that's a whole different story.
"Oh... Oh my god, right... I had almost forgotten about that" he said, lifting his arm to scratch the back of his head in an embarrassed manner. "But no, no that's not it... I admit that the thought of... Ugh, well fuck this is embarrassing" he admitted, apparently finding it a little hard to explain.
"Don't be embarrassed, I won't judge you" he said in a matter-of-factly voice. He figured that was better than going all soft on him, since that would just make it into an even bigger thing than it probably was, plus it wasn't his style anyway.
"Fuck..." he cursed in a low voice before going quiet for a moment and turning his bothered gaze out towards the streaming waters again.
"I hadn't even meant to send that second one..." he finally began, "I just thought I would type it down just in case and then quickly send it if it started to look suspicious. But I accidentally touched the screen and sent it" he said with an embarrassed one-shoulder shrug. Levi processed the information for a moment.
"Alright, not bad thinking. But you do realize most people wouldn't even consider the thought of taking safety precautions like that, love".
"Yeah I know" he said and pulled his fingers through his messy locks. "Fuck, alright, but prepare for story time old man".
"I'm all ears, kid" he replied, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back towards the railing to relax the mood using his body language.
"Okay, well for starters I'm overall just a cynical ass-kind of person" he started and held up his index finger towards him as if to make a point.
"Noted" Levi simply said, slowing a slight smile. So far no news; as much as Eren often would beam of optimism and life, especially when they were together, he definitely had a cynical and hot-blooded side to him too that quickly showed up around people he didn't trust. And the amount of people he didn't trust seemed to be a lot bigger than with the average person.
"So anyway, uhm remember Mikasa, my sister?" he asked and Levi nodded. "So she was almost kidnapped once, or, more than just 'almost', actually. That whole thing was what made her an orphan-" he said but then stopped as he realized something. "Right, yeah we're not biological, I guess I haven't mentioned that" Levi blinked as he processed the information. "Anyway I happened to be the one to find her with the bastards and it was after this incident that my parents adopted her... my dad knew her parents" he explained with another one-shoulder shrug.
"Alright... I can see how that would make you paranoid."
"Yeah. But this was way back, we were both nine years old".
"I'm sorry to hear that Eren. You sure had to grow up fast".
"I guess" Eren shrugged. He was obviously still not comfortable discussing it in detail, however Levi also sensed that there were more to the story that he wasn't touching.
"So you still tend to feel unsafe sometimes after that experience?" he asked while feeling some sort of protective instinct tingling.
"Oh no, not really... Um, I wasn't scared for my own safety. Like, in the crazy scenario that that was an abduction then it would obviously be a planned one to get me specifically considering the amount of details about me and our relationship they knew about; but why would anyone ever have a reason to want to get to me that badly? There isn't any, but they also obviously knew about you, so if my paranoia was correct then it must've been you they were actually out to get by using me". Levi was surprised to get insight on the whole long chain of thought that had been running through the young man's mind. Eren always seemed careless and easygoing, you couldn't tell on the surface that he was the type to be analyzing this much.
"Well fuck, while your concern about me is touching, I'm still not some sort of notorious mafia boss" Levi replied, referencing one of their inside jokes while still trying to make a serious point. "I'm seriously just an unknown watch man". Eren smiled a short-lived smile and shrugged.
"Well, a rivaling watch man then!" he argued, half serious, half not. Levi gave him a skeptical look. "Fine, I'm sorry. I know it was a stupid worry" Eren said and leaned forward over the bridge railing. This made Levi furrow his brows.
"No you're not stupid, Eren" he said, but the words seemed to fall flat. He realized he had to give something too. Right now Eren was the only vulnerable one, the only one baring himself. "And, well, fuck..." he started, dragging a hand through his hair. "You're not completely wrong. I do have some pretty serious people who might still consider themselves my enemies" he revealed. "But they're from way back in my youth." Eren looked up with a curious look on his face.
"Enemies?" he asked and Levi groaned a little.
"Something like that. It's true that I've never been anywhere near the damn mafia, but I haven't exactly been part of the nicely polished side of the city all of my life" he explained and paused. But Eren remained quiet, urging him on to continue.
"My mother was a prostitute" he started off, this time having Eren as the one to blink in surprise as the information sank in. "I was born in the slum and ended up parent- and homeless very early on. Had to somehow survive on my own... and my methods weren't exactly flowers and peace treaties" he finished with a sort of grim, knowing smile and Eren couldn't help but laugh.
"Just a normal, boring watch man, huh?"
"I never claimed boring" he pointed out and made Eren crack a smile again. "Anyway, this was a long fucking time ago. I was already over it by the time I was your age."
"I see... Thank you for telling me" he said, now leaning over the edge as well, looking down into the water under them.
"Just for your ears, kid".
"Heh" Eren just smiled.
"Hahh... I really feel like taking a smoke right now" Levi said, groaning a little.
"Go ahead..." Eren replied. Levi felt his tense muscles slowly start relaxing as he picked out the familiar shape out of the package in his pocket. He always smoked when he was reminded of his past. It was a bad habit that he just couldn't get rid of... not yet anyway. He closed his eyes as he took the first, slow draw and made sure to blow the smoke in the opposite direction of Eren. He silently cursed in relief as he felt his body relax and a comfortable silence fell over them. After a while he noticed Eren's eyes on him. It looked as if there still was something that he wanted to say. Levi stayed quiet, waiting to see if he would continue and finally, the younger's serious tone yet again broke the silence.
"...We killed them, by the way".
"...You did what?" Levi lowered his cigarette and looked over to study his expression. But Eren looked straight ahead again, resting his eyes on the streaming water.
"Me and Mikasa. We killed the bastards who had murdered her parents and taken her." Levi took a slightly quicker draw of the cigarette as he contemplating the prospect of possibly having to hide a fugitive from the police again.
"...Back then or in more recent years?" he asked, his voice lower than usual.
"No no, it was back then" Eren said, shaking his head slightly. "I mean I was nine, so I couldn't exactly use brutal force to make them release her, so I used a knife" he said. His tone was neutral, calm, but his habit of sucking in his lips still revealed his slight nervousness. "Cut down the first two, missed that there was a third man involved and almost got myself killed, but Mikasa saved me... Well, by killing him with that same knife."
"Well, damn, Eren" Levi said, for once he didn't know quite what to say.
"Better believe I had to do damn much rehab and psychological testing after that" he said, in a slightly joking tone.
"You really do keep surprising me Eren" Levi just settled on stating.
"Sorry" he replied and made the older furrow his brows.
"No don't misunderstand, I'm impressed. You did what you had to do and I'm really amazed at your mental strength." Eren's eyes seemed to light up.
"You think so?"
"Yes, that was incredibly done."
"Pfft, you don't think I'm a psychopath then?" he asked, smiling although Levi could tell there was some serious issues laying behind the question.
"Well have you seen me? Shouldn't be hard to guess what people say about me" he joked back as he stubbed his cigarette and threw it in a trash can.
"You're not a psychopath" Eren simply replied.
"So let people say what they want" Levi replied firmly. "Besides, either way, I love you".
"What?" Levi watched as Eren's eyes widened.
"Well you heard me" he said, watching him carefully. Although the word had seemed to rest right on the tip of Eren's tongue lately and even though Levi was aware of his deep feeling for the younger man too, he had still surprised himself by actually going there already. Who the fuck knows why but suddenly it just had seemed right to him.
"No... I'm not sure I did" Eren said in a slightly quieter tone than usual. Levi, being slightly discomposed by now, let out a long breath of air. He took a step closer to him, letting him know that he's being serious... Shit, it was it a real long time ago he did anything even remotely similar.
"...I'm really not good with this Eren, but I damn love you" he finally repeated, surprising himself at feeling a nervous sort of lump in the back his throat. It was a weird feeling. "Are you shocked?"
"I didn't think you could, like, I didn't think you wanted that" Eren said, with a slight hesitate and clear chock to his words.
"Well consider yourself that special, then" Levi replied, his tone now growing impatient.
"Fuck" he cursed and then finally as if a lever had been pulled he suddenly closed the distance between them and kissed him.
The first physical touch after all this intense talk was very welcomed. Levi felt his heart beat hard in his chest and how instincts flared up again. Then too soon, Eren suddenly broke the kiss.
"I love you too Levi" he breathed, pupils blown gorgeously wide. Levi felt a weird warmth flush through him together with a feeling he at the moment only could describe as excitement.
"You really held me hanging there Yeager" he chuckled.
"Oh gosh, sorry" Eren laughed. "Well I really love you Levi... I love you so much".
"Fuck alright" he said and used a hand to pull back his bangs in a slightly flustered manner. He didn't know it would feel that good to hear, it was quite the rush. Eren stood back up again and looked at him with a curious expression.
"Wait now, is that embarrassment I hear, sir? Have I finally found a weak spot?"
"Hell no" Levi denied as he lowered his hand from his hair. But Eren pressed on.
"No...? That felt good to hear, didn't it Levi?"
"Hell you're being aggressive, have I unleashed yet another side of you?" Levi asked, eyebrows raised with interest.
"Admit it" Eren just persisted, although Levi could tell that a smile was playing at the corner of his lips that he tried to keep down.
"Fine, it did feel damn good" he finally admitted with a chuckle.
"Yeah? Better than a Sazerac?" the younger asked, now beaming with an obvious gleeful tone over the teasing look.
"Tsk, you fucking brat" Levi cursed and rolled his eyes, smiling. "Sure kid, you are better than a Sazerac".
"Hell yeah" he exclaimed, looking as he had won some sort of big price.
"Shut up now, you're making me sappy".
"Levi Ackerman? Sappy? Woah, I sure must be special then".
"Right, make sure not to forget it".
"Alright, I won't... I'll tattoo it on my sleeve" Eren nodded.
"Please don't".
"I... make... Levi Ackerman... sappy" he said, ignoring him and spelling out the sentence across his forearm.
"Fucking hell, why are you such a brat?" Levi commented.
"You like it. It means there's more to tame" Eren said, giving him one of his trademark winks. Damn, he sure knew how to in the right moments rile him on with his mischievous side almost up until annoyance. But instead of awaking irritation he did it in a way that made it seem like he were just asking for someone to come take control of him, which just drew Levi in instead of having the opposite, otherwise expected, effect. It was fucking addicting.
"Well, points to you for insight" he commented and Eren just smiled, but then wrapped his arms around himself. "Are you cold?" Levi asked.
"Yeah a little... Let's go home?" he suggested.
"Home?" Levi replied, raising his eyebrows.
"Ah, well, back to the hotel" Eren clarified sheepishly.
"Sure Eren, let's go home" he said and raised his hand to touch his soft hair. He wanted to touch him affectionately but at the same time he also really wanted to possessively grab him by the hair. And as soon as he felt his hair in his hand and the thought struck his mind, it hit him tenfold. Eren probably noticed the small tug that he couldn't help but give his hair, seeing how the young man let out a small sound. Levi cursed in his head and fought to swallow down the strong urges for now as he strictly reminded himself that this was a time for affection, not his crazy, unadulterated possessiveness.
There was really no going back now; he loved him and would do whatever it would take to treasure him. So he let his hand fall down to instead rest at the small of his back as they, still high on feelings, started walking the streetlight framed road back to the hotel.