✘ "You have a new match!" [Riren] [R-18] ✘

1: "Levi sent you a new message!"

Eren's POV

"Congratulations! You have a new match!"

Eren Yeager's face lit up in interest as he saw that he just had matched with the man with the weird profile he saw yesterday. Or probably more like, matched with that too honest friend of his. This might be fun, he thought as he clicked on the notice to open the app. It was therefore to his pleasant surprise when the app just at that moment informed him of that "Levi" had sent him a new message.

Levi:
Hi there hot and brave stranger!

Eren's smile grew as he read what most definitely was the friend talking to him. This was fun indeed.

You:
Hi! I liked the honesty only a close friend would be able to provide. Consider me intrigued!

Levi:
Wonderful to hear! Then you would be more intrigued to hear that my unwilling client is de facto also about this honest about himself. I guess that is why he can come off as angry to most!

Eren laughed at the reply and sat back in his bed comfortably, preparing for a potentially longer conversation.

You:
That's odd. What could there possibly be to be angry about if one has a splendid cock?

Levi:
Right!? That's what I've been trying to say to him all these years! I like your thinking, mr hot and brave stranger!

You:
And I like your casual humor, somewhat rare nowadays

Levi:
Oh stop it you! Don't like it too much because my genitalia may be splendid but it's not a dick!

You:
Even better then, miss Levi's-lady-friend. Otherwise I might've felt threatened by the competition!

So what should I do to have a shot with your cranky friend?

Levi:
Oh let me tell you that if that's really you in your profile picture then you're already off to a great start! Levi is weak as hell for tanned, pretty men! Wussies are a big no-no, but that don't seem like it would become a problem for you, would it?

You:
Haha that's great to hear! And that is me indeed, I'm glad to have your approval, miss lady friend!

Levi:
This almost sounds too good to be true. Send a flirty picture of yourself to prove that that's you!

Eren raised his eyebrows in another amused expression. Well, why not? He put on the selfie camera and snapped a quick picture of himself laying down on his bed while making a winking face. The reaction didn't wait.

Levi:
HOLY! He will fall like a brick!

I will use this to convince him to accept my help, kekeke

You:
Please do! And remember to lay in a good word or two for me as thanks!

Levi:
Don't worry, I'm already hardcore shipping you two! See ya!!

Eren still smiled as he put his phone away. What a fucking weird conversation, but it sure had been fun. If the curious Levi was anything near this interesting he would definitely like to get to know him.

Levi's POV
Hange Zoe:
Hii shorty~~! Make sure to wank off to THIS tonight!

"Tch". Levi read the text message with a very skeptical look over his face. What the fuck is she up to now? Just then a picture popped up in the text conversation followed quickly by another text. It was a selfie showing a young male laying on his bed, winking into the camera cheesily. Levi scowled. The boy looked like he could still be a teenager and although he easily could admit that he was attractive, just Levi's type even, he for sure wasn't going to wank off to a photo of some possible minor that Hange had provided him with.

Hange Zoe:
You're welcome! XOXO

You:
Welcome, my ass. I'm going to sleep.

To avoid anymore disturbances he set his phone on quiet mode and prepared for going to bed.

*:･ﾟ✧ 🖤 Le time skip brought to you by Hange's sassy ass 🖤✧･ﾟ･:* 

"Leviiii!" the familiar voice called him from the other side of his work place's cafeteria. Levi looked up to see Hange rushing towards him with an alarmingly excited expression on. That can't be good, Levi thought and ignored her in favor of his breakfast sandwich. She made a dead stop as she reached his table and quickly sat down at the opposite side of the table.

"You're not replying to my texts!" she began accusingly.

"You're sending me bullcrap" Levi replied, still focusing on his breakfast.

"Is that any way to speak to one's savior?" she said triumphantly. Levi looked up to give her a glare.

"Please do tell me how you're saving me by jail baiting me onto a cheesy teenager?" Hange laughed and made a dismissive wave.

"Nah, nah Levi. He's legal, alright~" Levi didn't reply but waited for her to continue explaining. Hange got a mischievous look over her face as she leaned over the table to get closer to him. "Well~ this fabulous savior of yours might have landed yourself a hot date, or a few ones actually, but there's one in particular that I personally would recommend..." she said, dragging the words.

"What the fuck, four eyes? So you know the selfie-kid and want to introduce us?" That wouldn't have been the first time and the last time it happened Levi had actually ended up getting a decent fuck. So Levi supposed that he couldn't complain too much about her interest in his love life.

"I wouldn't exactly call it knowing him, and the introduce part depends on how you define it..." she said while trailing off and doing some weird gesture with her hands and avoiding his gaze sheepishly.

"Quit speaking in riddles and spit it out. What have you done?" Levi demanded to know.

"Okay" she giggled and took out her phone, unlocked it and shoved the screen in Levi's face. He inched back to be able to even read whatever she wanted to show him and found himself looking at a candid photo of himself with his name, age and home town underneath.

"Is this a fucking dating app profile?" he asked, and scowled as it dawned upon him what she had "done for him". "I don't do fucking dating apps, Hange, that's way too much of a hassle!" he said and crossed his arms.

"Wait, wait~~ ", she said while holding up one finger in the air and doing some quick clicks on the phone. In a second she turned the screen towards him again. It was now showing a different profile, namely the profile of the hot male from the photo. It wasn't the same photo that she had sent him. In this he wasn't laying in a bed winking at the camera, instead it showed him looking more proper, standing on what looked like a bridge, wearing some decent clothes and an attractive smile that showed his teeth.

"Fuck you."

"His name is Eren and he's 21! We've been chatting and despite the honest bio I wrote about you he's actually interested!" she giggled, unfazed by Levi's cursing. "So what do you say?" she asked with a cunning smile. "He's waiting for you to come talk to him. Don't you want a chance to tap that?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Tch. Give me the fucking password."

*:･ﾟ✧ 🖤 Le time skip brought to you by Levi's bad self control 🖤✧･ﾟ･:* 

Eren's POV

"Levi sent you a new message!"

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