THREE MONTHS EARLIER
"Look. I know you've only agreed to disciple training to get out of your cells. That's because you're blind to what's really going on," Anders explained as he led us down a hall. "I'm about to open your eyes to the truth of our cause."
We were stopped in front of an elevator as Octavia spoke. "Where are we going?"
"I realize that taking things on faith is not in your nature, so I'm gonna show you what happens if we lose the last war..." The man stepped into the elevator. "Surface."
Echo, Diyoza, Hope, Octavia, and I stepped in as well. I kept my eyes forward with my hands behind my back as we waited.
"You are pretty brave taking us yourself," Hope spoke calmly.
"It's not bravery, Hope. You see, this elevator will stay on the surface until I signal for it to be brought down. I take it on faith that you'd rather not die today..." The five of us were silent. "Good. Then masks on."
I put my mask on my face as Anders continued. "The particulate matter in the air is lethal to humans. It'll literally calcify you from the inside."
We eventually reached the top and when the doors opened, crystalized humans were strewn about everywhere. It was like they were frozen, turned to crystal. I could hear thunder in the distance as Octavia muttered something under her breath.
"Gabriel saved us."
"Where is Gabriel?" Hope asked curiously.
Anders answered, "Gabriel is no longer your concern."
Just then, multiple flashes of lightning went off outside, causing Echo to step forward. "This is what you're preparing to fight?"
Anders shook his head. "No. The Bardoans lost their last war... This is all that is left."
No one said anything as we looked at the people in front of us.
"Let me get this straight." I turned to Octavia as she stepped forward. "The ten-foot aliens with superior technology that built this place got genocided and turned to stone by the enemy we're gonna fight."
"Precisely... Now you know what you're training for."
"I do love me an unwinnable war," Diyoza muttered.
°°°
Levitt watched us as we stretched, waiting for our first day of training. I leaned down, touching my toes to stretch out my legs.
"Anders took us outside," I heard Diyoza say. I looked to my right to see her talking to Levitt. "Why the hell did you try to send us out there?"
"It's survivable for an hour or two," Levitt answered lowly. "I just needed time to figure something out."
"If he was trying to kill us, he would've found easier ways to do it," Octavia stated bluntly. She really must trust this guy.
"And now you're our trainer? You always have so many jobs?"
Levitt took his glasses off, pursing his lips. "I'm only involved because of my knowledge of--," his eyes went to Octavia, "from the M-Cap, and clearly, this isn't a normal situation. Anders himself will lead the training, something he never does."
Hope scoffed behind me. "Oh, lucky us."
"He usually lets others dole out the punishment."
"Oh, what, staying awake for 73 hours, sleeping in a mud pit, eating rats to stay alive?" Diyoza shot. "Please. Been there, done that."
I continued my stretching, watching Levitt and he spoke quietly, licking his lips. "I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but-- but they'll mess with your minds, try and amp up your emotions. It's crucial that you keep control."
Just then, the door beeped and opened. Anders, along with five others walked into the room.
"These will be your training partners," the man spoke and he and the five others walked to the front of the room. "For the next 12 weeks, you will eat, sleep, and train with them and with no one else. Though you five were not born in the cause, everybody has the ability within them to serve humanity. Give everything to the group. Trust in the process. Trust in each other. For all mankind."
The five others repeated this grace in unison before Anders continued. "We'll start with some simple sparring. Please, choose a partner."
I looked at all five people before choosing a man with short, cropped hair and brown eyes.
"You may begin."
The man I was going to spar with walked forward quickly, fists up. He threw a punch my way, which I easily dodged before punching the man in the stomach. He groaned in pain before I brought my elbow down on his back, causing him to fall to the floor in pain. When I looked up, I saw Octavia, Echo, Diyoza, and Hope had just as easily won against their partners.
"I was trained by a level 12," Hope spoke confidently to Anders, who looked impressed. "What else you got?"
"Orlando taught you well," the man spoke. "It's not surprising. I was his mentor."
"Huh. It's a shame he had to die."
"It is, a loss to the cause," Anders spoke, shifting his weight on his feet. "He was one of our best, but I believe Dev had a hand in your training as well... Answer me, trainee. Wasn't Dev your surrogate father?"
Hope shook her head. "I'm not gonna talk about him with you."
"Well, then perhaps you're not ready yet."
"Are we here to talk or fight?" I blurted in annoyance. I'm getting tired of this bickering. "Sir."
"Have you made a note of these responses, Mr. Levitt?" Anders asked, causing Levitt to nod.
"Yes, sir."
"Hmm."
Just then, Levitt spoke, turning to the man beside him. "May I speak with you, sir? They've given me an idea."
Anders nodded. "Of course... Octavia, Zora, slower."
I stood off to the side with Echo, Hope, and Diyoza. I watched as Octavia fought with her sparring partner, eventually winning, of course. The girl stood beside Echo, fist-bumping Diyoza who had her fist held out.
°°°
I ran through the halls of the Ark, trying to find a way out. I turned a corner, stopping when I saw an open door. I furrowed my eyebrows slightly as I made my way to the door. When I reached it, I looked inside to see Anders, holding a baby in his arms; my baby. It was a baby girl.
"Is that her?" I asked softly as I walked into the room. The man nodded. "Can I see her?"
Just then, a sudden unbearable pain formed in my stomach and I looked down to see blood seeping onto my shirt. I became weak, my legs giving out from under me.
I cringed as held my stomach, Anders walking toward me. "It's too bad you won't be here to hold her."
I closed my eyes, shaking my head. I wanted to scream, to shout at the man, but then I remembered something; it's a simulation. This is all a test and I have to pass it. I remembered the phrase for all mankind. It must mean we treat everyone equally or something, no selfish love.
I opened my eyes, looking back at Anders, who had a smug look on his face. That's when I spoke. "For all mankind."
I jolted upright, the pain in my stomach no longer there. The simulation's over. I looked to my left to see Anders sitting in the bed beside me, looking at me. I sat up as well, giving the man a look.
"Congratulations, Aiden," the man spoke. "You passed the test."
I bit the inside of my cheek, nodding.
°°°
Anders and Levitt had led us into a room with at least two dozen embryos in small tanks. They were explaining their whole thing with women not getting pregnant and having kids, which I find a bit odd.
"No morning sickness," Diyoza spoke. "Sign me up."
"No negative effects on a woman's health in any way, and we can monitor the embryos and the extracorporeal gestational systems for birth defects and correct them before they are born."
I furrowed my eyebrows slightly, looking at the man. Levitt stepped forward, looking at another man in the room, pointing to one of the larger embryos. "She had a heart defect?"
The man nodded. "Yes."
"But it was surgically corrected three weeks ago. Now she's perfect and about ready to be birthed... I know it must seem strange but the fact that you gestated in your mother's body is equally bizarre to us."
"You did kick the hell out of my kidneys," Diyoza muttered to Hope beside her.
Anders nodded. "Exactly. In our method, none of our people are laid up for extended periods of time. Do you want to know how many embryos we have? 25, the same number of disciples that you have murdered."
I slowly turned to the man, giving him a look.
"If you need as many warriors as possible, then why don't you just hatch a larger army?" Octavia asked curiously.
"Resources. It's a limited world."
"And you can only mind control so many at a time, so--" Hope began but Diyoza cut her off.
"And these kids, they don't have any parents to take care of them after they're... Deglopped."
"The team raise the children until they're old enough for the creche, and then it's everyone's job," Anders explained.
"So they don't form selfish bonds."
"Exactly. You're learning."
°°°
"I understand you have learned a lot about the Shepherd's journey. Who can tell me about Etherea? Hmm?" Anders asked with his hands behind his back. The man had led Octavia, Hope, Diyoza, Echo, and I to a classroom with a few young kids. Since we know next to nothing about Bardo and it's history, we have to learn alongside said kids.
A young girl raised her hand confidently, and Anders called on her. "The mountain was very tall. And very scary, but the Shepherd was brave and wise."
I narrowed my eyes as the man gave the young girl a smile. "Excellent. Who else can tell me something about the Shepherd's journey to enlightenment? What passage do we have in our books about it?"
The same girl raised her hand eagerly, along with two other girls. Anders studied the children before calling on a boy named Sean.
The boy shrugged. "I-- I don't know."
I let out a quiet sigh as I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. God, this is unbearable. I don't want to be here at all, but if it's the only way I'm able to get out of my cell, I'll just have to endure it. I looked up as a woman, the teacher I think, stepped forward as she spoke.
"Sometimes when new things happen, we get nervous. We have feelings we need to learn to control. Otherwise--"
"They control us," the same girl from earlier blurted, covering her mouth out of embarrassment.
"But when we feel out of control, we know what to do. Perhaps we'll have the honor of Mr. Anders leading us in our exercise?" The woman asked, looking at Anders. He nodded, a smile on his lips.
"My pleasure. Ok. Close your eyes." I bit the inside of my cheek as I followed the man's instructions and closed my eyes. After a few seconds, Anders whispered "everyone", most likely talking to Hope. "Now... Take a deep breath. Hold it and let it out slowly on a count of three."
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, not really feeling like this so-called exercise is working. I furrowed my eyebrows, my eyes still closed, as everyone started speaking in unison. Everyone being the teacher, Levitt, Anders, and the kids.
"The Shepherd brings us calm. The Shepherd brings us wisdom. The Shepherd brings us love for all mankind."
Once they had finished, Anders spoke once again. "Now... Open your eyes and breathe." I opened my eyes, not really feeling any different. It doesn't surprise me, though. I've never found exercises like these to be very helpful. "Excellent. Miss Haggerman, thank you for your time. Continue working hard..."
"For all mankind," everyone spoke in unison. Okay, this whole speaking at the same time thing is really starting to freak me out. Anders turned and began walking toward the door, Levitt following close behind.
Octavia, Echo, Hope, Diyoza, and I stood from our chairs as Hope muttered under her breath. "This is some serious brainwashing."
Echo shrugged. "These kids had it better than I ever did."
I clenched my jaw when I thought about my childhood. I was the result of a one night stand, as Abby had told me. She and my biological father were 17 at the time. Abby and Jake were already together, so I get why my mother never said anything about it. I don't know if my grandparents knew about me, but all I know is I was kept under my mother's watchful eye most of the time. After Clarke was born, things kind of went downhill.
"My life was pretty garbage as well," I muttered aloud, glancing at Hope. The five of us walked out of the room as the teacher began teaching her class once again.
°°°
The five of us were put in a room to rest, I think. Leaving me to just sit around gives me too much time to think, and that's not something I want to do. I propped my elbows on my legs as I let my head fall into my hands. I want to train, get my mind off of everything that's happened.
Everyone seemed impatient like we all wanted to get out of this room and do something.
"They are watching us all of the time," Echo suddenly spoke in a hushed voice. I lifted my head to see her looking at Hope with an intense expression on her face, her arms crossed over her chest. "You've got to try harder."
"She's right," Diyoza added. "Echo and Aiden are the only ones that passed the fear simulation, but you're the only one who almost killed Anders."
I pursed my lips as Hope scoffed, shaking her head. "Yeah. Wish it was real."
As much as I love Hope, and as much as I consider her family, she needs to learn to keep her emotions in check. I'm pretty good at acting like a robot; it's a fatal flaw of mine, and I know it. I push all my grief, and fear, and anger to the side and shove myself into work or danger so I don't have to deal with it. Eventually, I blow up because it just keeps building up and up.
"Stop," Octavia suddenly scolded, crouching in front of the girl. "Get your anger under control, or do you want to go to Penance alone?"
"What do they want with us, anyway? We can already kick the disciples' asses."
"They want our help winning an unwinnable war, remember?" I spoke up, causing everyone to look at me. "They want us to have one goal in life; to bow down to the Shepherd and his cause."
Diyoza nodded in agreement with what I said. "Single-minded devotion. Screw your friends, family. You've got to bury your love and your anger and everything else so deep they'll never find it."
"It's not that hard," Echo muttered. Hope's head snapped to her.
"Yeah, for you. You know, you just like someone giving you orders again so you don't have to think for yourself."
"Hope, cool it," I hissed, giving the girl a look.
"I think it's time for me to go to bed," Echo spoke, clearly pissed at what Hope said. The woman turned to walk toward the door before stopping and looking back at Hope. "Damn yourself if you want to, but I believe in what they're teaching, and I will not let you take me down with you."
I inhaled sharply as Echo left, an awkward tension filling the room. "I think I'm gonna head in, too."
I stood from my spot, not giving anyone the chance to say otherwise as I walked out of the room. I went to my room, immediately getting into bed. I pulled the covers over myself, not realizing how tired I actually was until my head hit my pillow. As I felt myself slowly succumb to darkness, my mind drifted to Bellamy. A single tear slipped from my eye as I was consumed into the darkness.
°°°
We were led into a training room that had all sorts of weapons in it, most of which I've never even seen before. Connected to the room was another room where we would be training. Levitt, who was helping us, walked into the training room, holding out a glove to Octavia. The girl was standing behind a metal table.
"They're like trainers for the suits. They work with muscle contractions. Not as cool as swords, but still pretty effective," Levitt explained. I just shook my head. While Octavia was in M-Cap, she had offered to show Levitt her entire life story in exchange for keeping Hope safe. So, he knows everything that's happened to her.
"We get to play with those?" Octavia asked, motioning to the room behind Levitt, filled with weapons. There was a woman beside Octavia, who put the glove on the girl's hand.
The man looked over his shoulder before turning back, "You'll be cross-trained on all of them eventually."
"What is this?" Hope asked curiously. I looked to my right to see Hope looking at a device I don't quite recognize. I feel like I've seen it before, but I don't quite remember.
"That's a flamethrower," Diyoza blurted. Right, I remember now. "It'll make you smoky and crispy."
"We don't know what we'll be fighting," Levitt stated, looking at all of us. "We have to be prepared for everything."
The man began messing with the glove on Octavia's hand. Suddenly, Echo spoke. "What's in here?"
I looked to the left to see the woman standing in front of a door with a label that said "warning biohazard".
"Only level 11s and above are allowed."
Diyoza turned to the man. "Bioweapons?"
Levitt shook his head, "Not a weapon, at least, not anything that we would ever use."
I narrowed my eyes at the man as I studied him. He's hiding something from us. Octavia noticed this too because she spoke. "If we're gonna go all in, you're gonna have to trust us."
Levitt seemed reluctant but spoke anyway. "After years of study, we've managed to isolate the substance that wiped out the former inhabitants of this planet."
"Those crystal creatures that we saw outside?"
"Yes. We call it Gem9, and the little that we have would wipe out everyone in Bardo. Now it's time to train."
It would wipe out everyone on Bardo? If that's the case, I just came up with an idea. I want to kill every last person on this damned planet, and I think I just found the perfect way to do so. However, I'll have to find the right time to execute my plan.
°°°
Turns out, the room we were in wasn't a training room. It only contained weapons. We were eventually led to a different room, which is a training room. We were each given a glove on our hand, Anders and Levitt watching.
"This exercise is about communication and teamwork," Anders explained. "It's very simple. The shooter will be aiming blindly. They'll have to listen to their spotter to hit the target behind me. First person who hits it wins. Please... Help your partner with the blindfolds."
My partner, the boy with brown eyes, whose name I've learned is Maxwell, grabbed my blindfold.
"Are these weapons lethal?" Echo suddenly asked, causing Anders to give the woman a confused look. Why would she ask that? Unless she's planning on shooting someone with these, I wouldn't think Echo would ask that... What's her angle?
"No."
Anders and Levitt walked behind us. Maxwell put the blindfold over my eyes, causing my vision to go dark.
"Begin."
Suddenly, my ears were filled with people's voices and shots firing. However, I kept my attention focused on Echo, trying to listen for her... I think I figured out why she asked if the gloves were lethal. She plans to shoot us to get the target herself.
Just then, before I could even react, multiple shots went off, one of them I felt whizz by my head. I was right, but she missed me?
"Uh, three-- three inches down," a man spoke before a single shot went off. "Hit."
I scolded myself for not paying attention to the target. If I would've paid attention, I could've won. I took my blindfold off to see Levitt helping Octavia off the floor. Everyone else stood up as well.
"What the hell?" Hope asked in disbelief.
Echo shrugged her shoulders. "I won."
"Technically, but you broke the spirit of the rules," Levitt stated.
Echo's eyes narrowed, "Following rules isn't how you win a war."
She does make a good point.
"Perfect control... That is how we win."
°°°
After training today, I had gone to my room, not feeling like talking to anyone. It's kind of become the norm now. I sat at the end of my bed, my head in my hands as I thought about the one person I want to see right now; Bellamy. I just can't seem to get him off my mind.
He was my other half, the one person I knew I could always count on. He brought out the best in me and now that he's gone, it's like I have nothing but darkness inside me; like it's consumed my heart and blocked it off from the world. I miss when things were simpler...
"Oh, my God," I scoffed in disbelief as I shook my head, trying not to laugh. Bellamy told me some stupid joke and it was so bad that it was actually funny. "That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
Bellamy chuckled at me. It's been about a month since we defeated Mount Weather and things have been quiet. We haven't had any attacks from the grounders, which is nice. My guard is still up, though. In this world, I never know what to expect.
"If it's the dumbest thing you've ever heard, why are you laughing?" Bellamy asked, an eyebrow raised. I just shook my head at the boy, giving him a slight shove.
Ever since our kiss after Mount Weather, we've been hanging out more, getting closer. I really like this boy... There are times when I don't want to admit it because I'm stubborn and I know that one day I could lose him, but I can't help it. He understands me like no one else does, and vice versa.
I stared into Bellamy's eyes, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. I've never felt this way about anyone in my life. And because I was put in lock-up at 14, I've never actually dated anyone so...
"Aiden, can I ask you something?" Bellamy suddenly spoke, pulling me from my train of thought. I looked at the boy to see his expression had changed. "Well, it's not exactly a question, but--"
"What is it?" I asked, suddenly worried as to why he was now serious. Bellamy's hand went to the back of his neck nervously.
"I'm not very good at this kind of stuff so beware..." I gave the boy a confused look as he sighed. He looked like he was struggling to find the right words to say, but eventually, he spoke. "I know we've only known each other for a few months, but I feel... Different when I'm around you. It's like-- I don't know-- like... God, why does this have to be so difficult?"
"Bellamy, spit it out," I said, suddenly becoming anxious with our current situation.
Bellamy's arm fell into his lap as he closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. "Look, I'm not the greatest at expressing my emotions, so this might not work... Aiden, I-- I like you... A lot. We've been through hell and back and I just-- I feel different when I'm with you. You can be a pain in the ass sometimes with how damn stubborn you are, but you wouldn't be yourself without that quality."
I could practically hear my heart beating in my chest, and I wouldn't doubt that Bellamy could as well. I couldn't help but let a smirk crawl its way onto my lips. "Is this your way of asking me out?"
Bellamy's face turned a light shade of pink as he looked away from me in embarrassment. I've never seen him this flustered before... I can't believe he likes me back.
"Yes," I said, answering his question before he could even ask. The boy looked up at me, confused. He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him. "I know what you're going to ask... And my answer is yes. I like you, too, Bellamy."
Bellamy had an unreadable expression on his face, just like usual. I noticed his eyes glance at my lips as he slowly leaned in, stopping when his face was only a few inches away from mine.
"Can I?" He asked softly. Is he seriously asking if he can kiss me? Who is this guy and what has he done with Bellamy Blake.
I just rolled my eyes as I leaned in, connecting our lips. I cupped the boy's face. The feeling of his lips on mine was amazing. There were no other words to explain how I felt about it other than it was out of this world.
It's just a simple kiss, yet it had me weak in the knees. I really like this boy, don't I?
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I think it was then that I realized I loved him. Even though we had only known each other for a few months, it felt like we'd known each other our entire lives. All those memories, all those moments I had with him, they're all just moments in time I'll never get back.
I'm even glad for all the fights and arguments we had. If they hadn't happened, we wouldn't have developed as a couple as we did... God, I miss him.
°°°
I was lucky enough to have been allowed a punching bag in my room. It lets me get my anger out and it keeps me in shape as well. I landed a few punches on the bag before wiping the sweat from my forehead.
The sound of footsteps filled my ears and when I looked up, I saw Echo, the flamethrower in her hands. I furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion as I turned to face the woman.
"Echo, what the hell are you doing with the flamethrower?" I asked, causing the woman to smirk.
"I've got a plan. We can get out of here," she said before holding up the flamethrower. "Torch the oxygen farm and we can escape."
"What? I--"
"Come on, let's move." Just then, Echo spun on her heel and ran out of my room. I opened my mouth, calling out to her as I ran after her. I followed her to the oxygen farm, grabbing her arm just after she had opened the door.
"Echo, stop," I hissed slowly, making the woman look at me. "I don't understand? Why are you doing this?"
The woman's eyebrow rose. "Don't you want revenge for Bellamy?"
I clenched my jaw slightly as I balled my fists at my sides. Echo didn't give me enough time to answer as she ran into the oxygen room. I let out a sigh, following her.
"Echo, you need to stop," I said, grabbing ahold of her arm. I let out a small gasp as the woman turned, punching me right in the face. I stumbled backward, holding my cheek.
"I'm doing this for us, Aiden." I turned to see Echo aim the flamethrower at the trees. I need to stop this. If she sets these trees on fire, our friends will die right along with everyone else in here. I can't have that happen. I grabbed a large knife from my boot and held it up.
Taking a deep breath, I whispered under my breath. "I'm sorry, Echo. Truly, I am."
With that, I brought my arm forward, letting the knife fly through the air, right into Echo's throat. The woman gagged, dropping to the floor, dead.
I suddenly opened my eyes, confused as to where I was when I realized I was in the simulation room. That's right; that was the final test. I blinked a few times before sitting up, looking at Levitt to my right. I was the last one to take the test.
"Congratulations, Aiden. You passed the final test," the man spoke. I gave him a single nod.
°°°
"You should all be proud," Anders spoke. We're in the stone room and we're having tattoos put on our faces; well, all of us except Hope. Hope was the only one to have failed the final test. Multiple others passed their final tests as well. "Each of you has shown commitment to the cause. I'm sure you will serve well in the last war, but sadly, one of you has not been able to grow for the cause. The Shepherd is merciful. We don't expect perfect emotional control so soon, certainly not from level twos. Aiden, you have been our star student. You fully integrated into our culture, so I'm giving you the honor of deciding Hope's fate."
Oh, Anders. If only you knew what I have in store for you and your fellow disciples. I thought for a moment before speaking. "We have to break her spirit, rip apart her bonds... Five years on Penance."
Hope's face fell. I saw both Diyoza and Echo turn to me, but I didn't acknowledge them. Anders nodded.
"A fair sentence. Guards."
I kept my eyes trained forward as two disciples grabbed ahold of Hope, who struggled to get out of their grasp.
"No. Oh, no. No. No. Aiden, what are you doing? What are you doing? Mom, please! No! Please, stop!"
I felt my hands begin to shake, so I balled them at my sides. As much as it hurts me to do this to Hope, I have to play the role I was given. This is the only way I can avenge Bellamy.
"Her Penance begins soon. Your celebration begins now," Anders spoke, raising his hands in the air. "For all mankind."
The rest of us did the same, speaking in unison. "For all mankind."
°°°
Damn, bro... This was a long fucking chapter. Over 5,000 words! Shit, dude. But it was so worth it. That flashback scene was so fucking cute, you guys!! We got to see how Bellaiden came to be, and it was ADORABLE!!
I have one last thing to say before I go... There are less than ten chapters left in IAS...
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you all in the next one.
Buh-bye.